Post by mariposa1010 on Nov 7, 2015 1:18:25 GMT
Jeb,
I almost finished your book! I wish I would've found it months ago. I recently wrote a thread about being with an avoidant dismissive. I was wondering... Do avoidant dismissive individuals ever feel bad for their actions? Are they even aware? Or just unaware because they are wounded from the pain they experienced as a child/adult. As a secure I feel so hurt and sad that I let someone like this into my life completely and opened my heart to this person. I'm confident knowing I'm probably 100% better off without them yet I'm still having dreams about this person which means they are in my unconscious mind. I hate it. I just want to shout, "GET OUT OF MY DREAMS!!!!" hahhaha! I feel like such a fool for letting this person in. I feel I was such a joke to him. I told him this and he got very defensive. I also told him "I don't know what kind of love he never received but I thought it was garbage to treat someone how he ended up treating me." I was angry because he finally admitted he thought I was very nice, funny, and attractive but he was never going to let me in since it wasn't conducive to his career goals. Then, after I expressed anger he said he cared but now had zero feelings after I said what I said. This person could not even give me the decency to meet me in person or make a phone call to tell me he thought it was best if we end things and stay friends. After 8 months of dating and intimacy! As a secure, I view sex and intimacy as one. I am applaud that someone could not respect me as I would've respected them. Unless he was avoiding me because it was too hard. At this point I don't care. I'm just sad and trying to pick up the pieces. As soon as I'd show any emotion he would become angry, defensive, and act busy. I know I did nothing wrong. My relationships before this were always healthy. I lost my husband in war four years ago and he was a very kind, and secure person. We were married for 7 years.
This was my first run in with a dismissive...I feel I may have penetrated his armor a bit by the angry comments, yet he could not even try to show sympathy. I understand that people are human and resort to anger sometimes if the need is not being met. I forgive and move on. It makes me so incredibly angry and hurt when people cannot try and empathize or show any sympathy for another-- even IF they feel they did nothing wrong. I'm guessing it's normal for a dismissive avoidant to make anyone feel this way. Do you think they secretly push someone to the point of anger so they have more of a reason to shut them out? Or is it more that once they are hurt and threatened by the anger they realize their feelings could possibly get hurt in the future?
Oh! And I just recommended your book to all of my family and friends-- even just for fun! It's nice to know about attachment styles. I have a lot of mom friends who are amazing and I tell them every day how important it is to build healthy relationships with your children <3
Peace, Love & Happiness! <3
I almost finished your book! I wish I would've found it months ago. I recently wrote a thread about being with an avoidant dismissive. I was wondering... Do avoidant dismissive individuals ever feel bad for their actions? Are they even aware? Or just unaware because they are wounded from the pain they experienced as a child/adult. As a secure I feel so hurt and sad that I let someone like this into my life completely and opened my heart to this person. I'm confident knowing I'm probably 100% better off without them yet I'm still having dreams about this person which means they are in my unconscious mind. I hate it. I just want to shout, "GET OUT OF MY DREAMS!!!!" hahhaha! I feel like such a fool for letting this person in. I feel I was such a joke to him. I told him this and he got very defensive. I also told him "I don't know what kind of love he never received but I thought it was garbage to treat someone how he ended up treating me." I was angry because he finally admitted he thought I was very nice, funny, and attractive but he was never going to let me in since it wasn't conducive to his career goals. Then, after I expressed anger he said he cared but now had zero feelings after I said what I said. This person could not even give me the decency to meet me in person or make a phone call to tell me he thought it was best if we end things and stay friends. After 8 months of dating and intimacy! As a secure, I view sex and intimacy as one. I am applaud that someone could not respect me as I would've respected them. Unless he was avoiding me because it was too hard. At this point I don't care. I'm just sad and trying to pick up the pieces. As soon as I'd show any emotion he would become angry, defensive, and act busy. I know I did nothing wrong. My relationships before this were always healthy. I lost my husband in war four years ago and he was a very kind, and secure person. We were married for 7 years.
This was my first run in with a dismissive...I feel I may have penetrated his armor a bit by the angry comments, yet he could not even try to show sympathy. I understand that people are human and resort to anger sometimes if the need is not being met. I forgive and move on. It makes me so incredibly angry and hurt when people cannot try and empathize or show any sympathy for another-- even IF they feel they did nothing wrong. I'm guessing it's normal for a dismissive avoidant to make anyone feel this way. Do you think they secretly push someone to the point of anger so they have more of a reason to shut them out? Or is it more that once they are hurt and threatened by the anger they realize their feelings could possibly get hurt in the future?
Oh! And I just recommended your book to all of my family and friends-- even just for fun! It's nice to know about attachment styles. I have a lot of mom friends who are amazing and I tell them every day how important it is to build healthy relationships with your children <3
Peace, Love & Happiness! <3
