Post by tnr9 on Jun 25, 2018 14:21:24 GMT
I realize that I have not posted for a bit on my own journey and what has begun to change. Change for me is in the small victories...the ability to gently move my thoughts back to me when they wander, the ability to not take something personally, the granting of room that a thought that I have about the "why" someone did or is doing something may not be the "only" reason, the ability to own my own voice and speak it without the need to explain it....I am truly proud of the work I am doing.
Recently i have discovered that (for me) an aroused system is like a baby that will not settle..so when I experience that panic....I have begun visualizing her being soothed by another. This actually helps to lower the panic. I also realize that all the checking, ruminating, story making that happens are just other parts trying to "help" in the only way they know how..with the limited resources available to them. Instead of getting mad at myself, I am now in such wonder at how my internal parts have all tried to help each other and I am grateful..be it however odd, stuck, crazy it may seem to others..that they do try to help and am grateful for them. By accepting myself...I have also started to free myself from the need for approval from others or to allow others actions to dictate my behavior (which was never the case..I chose to allow this to occur but while I was not accepting myself, I was externalizing this need to others). I have my setbacks...I still do find myself wanting to indulge in patterns that I thought worked...but this new direction is better for me in the long run...so I will keep at it.
I would like to invite those with AP attachment to view your process through the lens of a marathon....look for ways you can be 10% better versus getting stuck in feeling bad that you did not achieve an 100% change.
Wishing you all love, acceptance and healing.
Recently i have discovered that (for me) an aroused system is like a baby that will not settle..so when I experience that panic....I have begun visualizing her being soothed by another. This actually helps to lower the panic. I also realize that all the checking, ruminating, story making that happens are just other parts trying to "help" in the only way they know how..with the limited resources available to them. Instead of getting mad at myself, I am now in such wonder at how my internal parts have all tried to help each other and I am grateful..be it however odd, stuck, crazy it may seem to others..that they do try to help and am grateful for them. By accepting myself...I have also started to free myself from the need for approval from others or to allow others actions to dictate my behavior (which was never the case..I chose to allow this to occur but while I was not accepting myself, I was externalizing this need to others). I have my setbacks...I still do find myself wanting to indulge in patterns that I thought worked...but this new direction is better for me in the long run...so I will keep at it.
I would like to invite those with AP attachment to view your process through the lens of a marathon....look for ways you can be 10% better versus getting stuck in feeling bad that you did not achieve an 100% change.
Wishing you all love, acceptance and healing.
