Post by ceder3 on Jun 28, 2018 9:33:27 GMT
Less then a week ago a broke up with my avoidant girlfriend (boy did she make faces whenever a happened to call her that 
).
I was terrified before I did it. Thought I would plunge into a deep well of despair and depression, ruin my entire summer. But what seem to happen was that I completely and instantly detached from her. Almost like she never happened.
The first day or so I thought of her. Wondering what she is feeling, how she is doing. But now, those thoughts are distant. When I do think of her, I mostly feel nothing.
I try to think about what was good between us, and find very little. We had the same humor, and are both introverted and stuff like that. But so are many others too. That love I thought I felt, and did express to her, isn't there. If I think about things I used to ponder over, I feel that tug of rejection and pain. But that is easily shaken off, since now I don´t have to accept it any more.
So I started to ask myself, if what I felt with her, the love I had, only was my anxious attachment that clinged on to her. So when I stopped making her into my attachment person, the "love" stopped with it.
Or, I am not as anxious as I thought, and have more avoidant tendencies than I realized.
Or, I am f##ked up in some other way that enables me to delete people out of my life instantly. It has happened before. Like me entire childhood and how I related to my mother. It´s not there. Like it never happened. My head is "now" and "future", almost never "back then". I know it´s an INTP-thing....
).I was terrified before I did it. Thought I would plunge into a deep well of despair and depression, ruin my entire summer. But what seem to happen was that I completely and instantly detached from her. Almost like she never happened.
The first day or so I thought of her. Wondering what she is feeling, how she is doing. But now, those thoughts are distant. When I do think of her, I mostly feel nothing.
I try to think about what was good between us, and find very little. We had the same humor, and are both introverted and stuff like that. But so are many others too. That love I thought I felt, and did express to her, isn't there. If I think about things I used to ponder over, I feel that tug of rejection and pain. But that is easily shaken off, since now I don´t have to accept it any more.
So I started to ask myself, if what I felt with her, the love I had, only was my anxious attachment that clinged on to her. So when I stopped making her into my attachment person, the "love" stopped with it.
Or, I am not as anxious as I thought, and have more avoidant tendencies than I realized.
Or, I am f##ked up in some other way that enables me to delete people out of my life instantly. It has happened before. Like me entire childhood and how I related to my mother. It´s not there. Like it never happened. My head is "now" and "future", almost never "back then". I know it´s an INTP-thing....
