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Post by Anna on Jan 17, 2017 12:35:50 GMT
Hi, this subject could apply to all attachment types I guess. I'm just wondering which type is more likely to cheat? Also is the bar for what constitutes cheating lower/higher amongst the attachment types? For example an anxious person might consider flirting as cheating, whereas a dismissive might not.
thanks everyone in advance.
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Post by gaynxious on Jan 17, 2017 16:53:26 GMT
From what I have read, avoidants are most likely to cheat while anxious might be very likely to cheat in retaliation to some perceived injury, cheating our otherwise.
I imagine anxious might have a broader idea of what constitutes cheating but I haven't seen any evidence to that. What I have read is that anxious perceive sexual cheating as worse than emotional cheating where avoidant perceives emotional cheating as worse than sexual cheating.
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raco
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Post by raco on Feb 13, 2017 23:00:41 GMT
What I have read is that anxious perceive sexual cheating as worse than emotional cheating where avoidant perceives emotional cheating as worse than sexual cheating. A study ( Sex Differences in Jealousy: A Contribution From Attachment Theory) suggests the opposite :  It's interesting to note that nearly 100% of dismissive-avoidant men reported greater sexual than emotional jealousy. |
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Post by gaynxious on Feb 13, 2017 23:54:59 GMT
Interesting. I know if I had told my ex I had sexually cheated during the period we were monogamous he would have been more likely to forgive me than if I confessed to emotionally cheating. I actually had to ask him what he considered emotional cheating because he made statements that indicated he had a very broad definition of emotional cheating. But in the begining he did have some instances of worrying I was being unfaithful but we talked and I was always very sensitive to his doubts because I knew his exes had cheated on him. And then the worries never resurfaced.
I'll have to find where I read dismissives fear emotional cheating more because that directly contradicts your citation. I remember the explanation was that subconsciously the dismissive knows they are not good at providing for their partners emotionally so they worry more about losing their partner for that reason.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2017 6:31:24 GMT
gaynxious, I agree with you. As a dismissing, I think that emotional cheating is worse.
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Post by nenivokan on Feb 14, 2017 21:30:51 GMT
gaynxious and Mary, the study shows that avoidant men and women respond very differently to this question. Avoidant women, while still reporting more sexual than emotional jealousy are much closer to the other groups in this respect. I actually did expect avoidant men to react strongly to sexual jealousy, and I do expect avoidant women to be more emotionally aware than their male counterpart. The female brain is different. Not all is caused by attachment patterns.
gaynxious, when I read your post I think your ex-partner could be fearful avoidant (not avoidant dismissive). They have low self esteem and (as me) could be more emotionally than sexually jealous.
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Post by gaynxious on Feb 14, 2017 22:20:44 GMT
I have considered he might be fearful avoidant but they are uncommon so I assume he is dismissive. He is already in a new relationship after four months. While I don't think this is an unusual time frame I would expect a newly single dismissive with his options would enjoy being single for a while.I think he has a high opinion of his internal self, i.e. His mind, intellect, etc but had poor self esteem in regards to his body image issues and social skills. He now is very aware he is highly attractive and has much more confidence in his social interactions. It's possible the change in our dynamic came from him changing attachment style from fearful to dismissive. I have also considered that he may be a dismissive that has a huge need for validation through sex and being in a relationship, although that itself may suggest actually being fearful.
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Post by Tanya on Feb 21, 2017 21:54:03 GMT
My partner is a high end dismissive. He has told me that he wouldn't mind if I slept with someone else, so long as it didn't change the way that I treat him, confide in him, support him etc. In other words he could not bear me having an emotional attachment. However, if I was to cheat, I would want a full on relationship and I would give the new person everything. When I asked my partner if that's what he wanted me to do, he hung his head and softly said no.
I, on the other hand, am fiercely jealous of any perceived sexual cheating and am hyper vigilant inside, but don't show it.
This is an interesting post - thank you for it.
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lucky
New Member
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Post by lucky on Jan 3, 2018 18:03:03 GMT
I know this is an old post, but I think it's good to collect the data - even if it takes a long time.
As a DA (slightly FA), For me, emotional cheating is far worse. In fact, for me, sexual cheating is mostly only a problem because 'you' have violated an agreement - not because of the sex. But emotionally, if I let you in and you indicate you don't appreciate the importance of that - that is an automatic dismissal.
My Secure mate also felt emotional cheating was worse than sexual.
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Post by madamebovary on Jan 28, 2018 15:49:42 GMT
This is an interesting post and probably has a lot more involved than just attachement types. I’m an AP that was in a long marriage with a slightly dismissive man. Sometimes I think he was secure but just lacked emotion. I’m still not sure. It wouldn’t have bothered me if I had found out he cheated sexually. Emotionally would have hurt a little more. With my current DA... I would be pretty heartsick either way.
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