The false ideal of "enough"

tnr9
I'm wondering what kind of attachment style the guy you mention here has, and also if you have you ever felt "enough" in any relationship? 
I have read that there is a lack of feeling like enough with AP attachment, so what you say makes sense.
Also, I think with anything in life, we see what we look for. This is the confirmation bias idea, and it's very common.

what i am going to share here is not with an intention to harm you in any way, rather to validate what you're saying about looking for the good.

My experience of AP dynamics personally has been overwhelmingly negative for the reasons you outline here.
Nothing good, about me, the situation, the good times, was ever enough.
The insatiable need for more could never be met.
My inability and lack of interest in constantly trying to prove myself because i'm not insincere, a cheater, a caretaker, ,etc.... brought even more angst to someone who just wasn't satisfied with me or who i am or how i live.
Of course the AP/Avoidant dynamic takes over in such a situation.

An unhappy person is an unhappy person, no matter where they are or who they are with.
A person who is empty inside has nothing to offer others.
This is true wether the person is AP or avoidant.

I am commenting because you wrote the post pondering the subject, and my input is that as a former partner of Ap individuals, i would say that the discontent and unhappiness is palpable to the partner as much as it is to the AP. it isn't a secret you are able to keep inside yourself, it comes out in words, actions, tone, it's pervasive. Most people get a sense of others, a vibe, an inpression- avoidants may seem aloof or out of touch but often, in my case, it's not that i am not picking up what someone else is putting off, it's that i'm aloof and distant because it doesn't feel good, and i can't change it, and don't want to try.

this is my approach to any negativity i sense and can't really work with, in any one that i come into contact with. Not just an AP person. it's kind of a live and let live thing where i don't want someone else controlling my mood and i know i can't control theirs.

I know there is plenty to point at in the avoidant reaction to the AP unhappiness - but this post was about the feelings of lack on AP side so i'm just contributing a perspective to that.

Hey Juniper and Goldilocks...good insight....I do keep a gratitude journal and am normally a very grateful person....it is not that I don't acknowledge all B has done for me (and others)...but it is persistent feeling of never enough and wanting more...more of a dependency approach rather then a negative outlook approach. And I am going to admit to something I am not so pleased about, but it is there...there is a huge resistance to change this dynamic. It is not the largest part of who I am, but it is there...feeling entitled. Which is just so curious because no one can compensate for what I did not get as a child..yet I think it is possible and that I am owed it. I am fairy certain, as you wisely pointed out Juniper, that B felt that expectation/entitlement/neediness from me and that is why he would disengage/distance etc. So there is definately work in me to address that...and I also have to stop having such unrealistic expectations that another person should take care of me or love me in a way that makes up for what I did not receive. I need to align my view to a more realistic one.