Post by mjk on Aug 10, 2018 3:45:22 GMT
Hello,
I am currently testing as “secure” closely followed by AP on the tests that I took. I do feel like I have been AP most of my adult life and it explains a lot of my relationship issues. I’ve spent the last 18 months with a DA, going through the “go away/ come here “ cycles of silence and adoration, that are plastered all over this site. However his most recent bout of radio silence came after we got really close emotionally. Usually I can bide my time, and then reach out. This last few weeks, I began to suspect he was put with other women. That’s his MO sometimes when he pulls away. I set the boundaries a few months back that I would be gone if it happened again . Believe it or not, what hurts me the most is that while he’s too busy for me and using that to hold me at arms length- he will make time for these other women that he has “ entertained “ in the past. Anyway, I called him and told him that I wanted to be very clear. I was still consistent in how I felt about him.. that I loved him and valued him but that I deserved someone who felt the same way about me. I told him that if ever decided that he valued me in that way, he could reach out to me and we could see where we are. I just feel terrible. Like I was the one who was dumped. Btw, it was horrible to make that phone call, my voice shook the whole time and I am not sure I ever made sense to him. It terrifies me to speak up for my needs like that. I have had past experiences where speaking up and stating my needs caused me to be punished in various forms. I miss him and love him and would love to have him back - but only if he was willing to try. I was so miserable and resentful the last few week, that I know I made the right choice. Yet, why do I feel so crappy? It was the right thing to do. Being a DA, I doubt he’s sitting around moping over me. I also don’t hold any hope that he will come back to me soon. In our past “breaks”, they were initiated by him blowing up and then I reaching out to him and him escalating it back into a relationship. I have no idea how an DA handles being broken up with by his AP, our of the blue. I just want to stop feeling anxious and thinking about him. That wa the whole point to putting distance between us.
Thanks for any insight !
I am currently testing as “secure” closely followed by AP on the tests that I took. I do feel like I have been AP most of my adult life and it explains a lot of my relationship issues. I’ve spent the last 18 months with a DA, going through the “go away/ come here “ cycles of silence and adoration, that are plastered all over this site. However his most recent bout of radio silence came after we got really close emotionally. Usually I can bide my time, and then reach out. This last few weeks, I began to suspect he was put with other women. That’s his MO sometimes when he pulls away. I set the boundaries a few months back that I would be gone if it happened again . Believe it or not, what hurts me the most is that while he’s too busy for me and using that to hold me at arms length- he will make time for these other women that he has “ entertained “ in the past. Anyway, I called him and told him that I wanted to be very clear. I was still consistent in how I felt about him.. that I loved him and valued him but that I deserved someone who felt the same way about me. I told him that if ever decided that he valued me in that way, he could reach out to me and we could see where we are. I just feel terrible. Like I was the one who was dumped. Btw, it was horrible to make that phone call, my voice shook the whole time and I am not sure I ever made sense to him. It terrifies me to speak up for my needs like that. I have had past experiences where speaking up and stating my needs caused me to be punished in various forms. I miss him and love him and would love to have him back - but only if he was willing to try. I was so miserable and resentful the last few week, that I know I made the right choice. Yet, why do I feel so crappy? It was the right thing to do. Being a DA, I doubt he’s sitting around moping over me. I also don’t hold any hope that he will come back to me soon. In our past “breaks”, they were initiated by him blowing up and then I reaching out to him and him escalating it back into a relationship. I have no idea how an DA handles being broken up with by his AP, our of the blue. I just want to stop feeling anxious and thinking about him. That wa the whole point to putting distance between us.
Thanks for any insight !
