|
|
Post by anne12 on Aug 11, 2018 9:17:34 GMT
Projections and shadow work:
Projection is a fascinating phenomenon they failed to teach most of us about in school. It is an involuntary transfer of our own unconscious behavior onto others, so it appears to us that these qualities actually exist in the other people. When we have anxiety about our emotions or unacceptable parts of our personalities, we attribute these qualities -as a defense mechanism- to external objects and other people. When we have little tolerance for others, for example, we are likely to attribute the sense of our own inferiority to them. Of course, there's always a "hook" that invites our projection. Some imperfect quality in other people activates some aspect of ourselves that wants our attention. So whatever we don't own about ourselves we project onto other people.
We see only that which we are. I like to think of it in terms of energy. Imagine having a hundred different electrical outlets on your chest. Each outlet represents a different quality. The qualities we acknowledge and embrace have cover plates over them. They are safe: no electricity runs through them. But the qualities that are not okay with us, which we have not yet owned, do have a charge. So when others come along who act out one of these qualities they plug right into us. For example, if we deny or are uncomfortable with our anger, we will attract angry people into our lives. We will suppress our own angry feelings and judge people whom we see as angry. Since we lie to ourselves about our own internal feelings, the only way we can find them is to see them in others. Other people mirror back our hidden emotions and feelings, which allows us to recognize and reclaim them.
We instinctively draw back from our own negative projections. It's easier to examine what we are attracted to than what repels us. If I am offended by your arrogance it is because I'm not embracing my own arrogance. This is either arrogance that I am now demonstrating in my life and not seeing, or arrogance that I deny I am capable of demonstrating in the future. If I am offended by arrogance I need to look closely at all areas of my life and ask myself these questions: When have I been arrogant in the past? Am I being arrogant now? Could I be arrogant in the future? It would certainly be arrogant of me to answer no to these questions without really looking at myself, or without asking others if they have ever experienced my being arrogant. The act of judging someone else is arrogant, so obviously all of us have the capacity to be arrogant. If I embrace my own arrogance, I won't be upset by someone else's. I might notice it, but it won't affect me. My arrogance outlet will have a cover plate on it. It is only when you're lying to yourself or hating some aspect of yourself that you'll get an emotional charge from someone else's behavior.
We project our own perceived shortcomings onto others. We say to others what we should be saying to ourselves. When we judge others we are judging ourselves. If you constantly beat yourself up with negative thoughts, you will either beat up on the people around you - verbally, emotionally, or physically - or you will beat up on yourself by destroying some area of your own life. What you do and what you say is no accident. There are no accidents in the life that you create. In this holographic world, everyone is you and you are always talking to yourself.
As long as we deny the existence of certain traits in ourselves, we continue to perpetuate the myth that others have something we don't possess. When we admire someone, it is an opportunity to find yet another aspect of ourselves. We have to take back our positive projections as well as our negative projections. We have to remove the plugs we've attached to others, turn them around, and plug them back into ourselves. Until we are able to retrieve our projections it is impossible for us to see our full potential and experience the totality of who we really are.
There is an old saying, "It takes one to know one." We see in others what we like and don't like in ourselves. If we embrace these parts of ourselves we will be able to see others as they are, not as we see them through our cloud of projection. There is another saying that the three greatest mysteries of the world are air to birds, water to fish, and man unto himself. We are able to see everything in front of us in the outside world. All we have to do is open our eyes and look around. We cannot see ourselves. We need a mirror to see ourselves. You are my mirror and I am yours.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2018 10:22:01 GMT
Thanks anne12 !
This clarified a current little query I had.
I am fully into the energy element.
What about Love though - when you love yourself deeply, you radiate that energy out and it comes back to you - is that an exception of a pure energy ... or something else?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2018 21:52:26 GMT
anne12 thank you for sharing, as always! this is the best description of shadow work i have ever read. i love the electrical illustration. i used to think i had to find all my shadows and toot them out. but, as you probably understand, by being present and aware to myself and the other in the moment, i can see, that my shadow finds me and i can illuminate it one interaction at a time. I have learned boundaries through shadow work, and gotten so much insight into myself and others. it's an unexpected path to forgiveness for self and others also- when you see yourself in the other, compassion grows.
|
|
|
|
Post by goldilocks on Aug 12, 2018 18:21:18 GMT
Thank you!
It is difficult, but a great source of insight for me.
When I judge another for a certain anergy, I find that it is often an energy I keep myself from expressing.
As if my inner parent is wagging the finger. Then if I put myself into my inner child position and ask how I would like to express that energy it helps my find a small way to safely express it.
Then I am less strict and more loving with myself and others.
|
|
|
|
Post by goldilocks on Aug 12, 2018 19:55:36 GMT
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2018 12:28:52 GMT
A first date question: "How aware are you about your traumas and your supressed emotions and how are you actively working to heal them before you try to project that shit on me?!" ;-)....and also ask that question to yourself... haha yes! and, i really did send a man who was into me an atrachment style test.... |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2018 10:33:30 GMT
haha yes! and, i really did send a man who was into me an atrachment style test.... And how did he respond to your request? he took the test and sent me a screen shot of his results, and i did the same  |
|
|
|
Post by anne12 on Sept 5, 2018 1:34:30 GMT
The shadow side of the shadow work
Shadow Work shadow side can sometimes be toooo much understanding.
And that's not healthy.
It is decidedly unhealthy and potentially dangerous.
If people - whether it's your boss, your ex, your mother or your colleague - violates/exceeds limits, taking credit for your work, lie, distort, cheat or talk dirty to you, do not only look inwards and work with yourself.
In situations where one holds too much, shadow work consists not to accommodate more, but to work with the shadow that appears, when you have to say NO.
(Ex. Saying no. Set a limit. Removing yourself from the relationship. To go to HR. Report someone to the police.)
That's the one you're going to make peace with. That is where the real shadow is located.
To dare (or appear), for example, to be hard, cold, unfair, a bitch, inexhaustible or uncompromising.
"The problem with beeing empathetic is that you are feeling sorry for assholes too!"
(A shadow worker)
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2018 22:03:56 GMT
The shadow side of the shadow workShadow Work shadow side can sometimes be toooo much understanding. And that's not healthy. It is decidedly unhealthy and potentially dangerous. If people - whether it's your boss, your ex, your mother or your colleague - violates/exceeds limits, taking credit for your work, lie, distort, cheat or talk dirty to you, do not only look inwards and work with yourself. In situations where one holds too much, shadow work consists not to accommodate more, but to work with the shadow that appears, when you have to say NO. (Ex. Saying no. Set a limit. Removing yourself from the relationship. To go to HR. Report someone to the police.) That's the one you're going to make peace with. That is where the real shadow is located. To dare (or appear), for example, to be hard, cold, unfair, inexhaustible or uncompromising. "The problem with beeing empathetic is that you are feeling sorry for assholes too!"
(A shadow worker) i also view this as, not abandoning or mistreating myself by allowing others to mistreat me. the shadow is the One Who Mistreats Me. If it originates in me, it is reflected back to by another. if i don't allow it, they can't do it. |
|
|
|
Post by anne12 on Aug 11, 2021 7:28:06 GMT
Are you still in your teens?
Michael grew up with his single ceramicist mother in a collective, where they grew their own biodynamic vegetables, dyed their own clothes and made a virtue out of community, frugality, nature and the anti-materialistic.
Michael was not allowed to get plastic toys and plastic weapons, and he was the only one who had hummus as lunch at school. He hated it.
Michael quickly moved to the capital city, trained as a lawyer and today he has a large law firm, two fast cars and lots of money. He rarely sees his mother.
When Michael turned 40, he began to feel a longing to live another life. He began to have fantasies about selling his share of the law firm to his partner, moving permanently to the South of France, where he has a small cottage, and cultivating some of his creative interests such as to paint.
He becomes happy inside when he thinks of that life.
But every time the imagination of this second life comes up, he gets a picture for the inner gaze of his mother. And that's not how he wants to be.
He does not want to be a hippie fool! He has spent his whole life moving away from it. Be in opposition to her ecopy and flaking robes.
Michael now has a choice. He can spend the rest of his life living in opposition to his mother. Consistently and constantly choose the opposite of what she wanted. Michael has always believed that his choice in life was about having found himself. But what he's starting to discover now as a 40-year-old ... is that he's lived his whole life in defiance of his mother. He has not found himself. He has moved away from something. Taken distance from. Reacted opposite. And it has nothing to do with freedom.
Now that he's beginning to feel a genuine, authentic longing for something (of something his mother would approve of), he's not free to choose it. Freedom is not being in opposition Freedom is finding peace with oneself. All sides of oneself. Also the sides that reminds us of our mom or dad.
Really?
Yes, really. It is not the same as we have to have a relationship with our mother or father as adults. But if we want to be truly free as adults, we must both have the courage to investigate
1. where and how we are the same as our parents were
2. where and how despite has driven us down a dead end. And made us unfree.
If we have turned our backs on our parents' ideals and imposed morals in spite of ... we are not free either.
Then we have probably not become like them. (Thank GOD!) But we are not ourselves either.
Because we still live in (counter) reaction to "them", and are thus on some level still remotely controlled by them.
"Something" holds Michael back. And that "something" is the shadow. Creative, hippie-like, irresponsible, unambitious, happy go lucky, ridiculous ... It's his mother.
Michael has spent 40 years moving away from that. And now he discovers that if he is to live out his dream of a bohemian life as an artist in the South of France, then there is no way around the shadow.
Then he will have to risk that others will put the same stickers on him that he has put on his mother. If he does not take ownership of what he has thrown in the bin - in spite of - he is forever stuck where he is. His freedom is an illusion. Because if he does not do what he really longs for, then - at the age of 40 - he will still be a teenager …..
|
|
|
|
Post by anne12 on Sept 22, 2021 16:40:51 GMT
In a lot of sociaties anger is put in the shadow: Aristoteles: Everyone can get angry. But the challenge is to be angry at the right time, at the right person, for the right reason and in the right way. We have to learn how to be intimite with anger. Anger is a signal to us, that there is something we have to take care of. Anger can be a collective shadow It can be a cultural shadow in some countries (Ex. in Northern Europe anger is put in the shadow and people behave more controlled when they are getting angry - some people cant even feel their anger), while people in Southern Europe/Latin Lmerica ect. are more expressive with their body and with their anger). It can be a personal shadow (what did you learn about anger in your childhood) It can be because of the way you were raised It can be because of gender differencies. in some countries boys are (only) allowed to show anger (boys dont cry) and girls are (only) allowed to cry/are raised to be a "good girl". Most books and courses mentions how to deal with agressive anger, but theres not much information/books about how to handle passive anger ect. - expecially for women or passive men. There are 4 different types of unhealthy anger (passive, passive agressive, agressive, projective agressive). People can have a mix of different anger patterns - with different people, in different situations. Some people have an agressive angerpattern at home with their kids or with their partner, because it is more "safe", and they can have an passive anger pattern at work/with their boss/colleges ect. Some people shows agressive anger when they are driving, because it is more "safe" driving in their car, where they are "protected" and can rage against other drivers in traffic. What is your own anger pattern and how can you work on showing healthy anger in your daily life ? jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1468/angerpattern-boundaries-shamebuttons-healthy-anger |
|
|
|
Post by anne12 on Sept 22, 2021 16:44:20 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by anne12 on Sept 22, 2021 16:48:01 GMT
Who do you envy or who do you gossip about
Be honest. You do it. Gossip. Or talk less nicely about some particular people or types that you, perhaps without really being able to explain why, just find annoying. For example, it could be: celebrities, politicians, family members, friends or even Facebook friends that you are provoked by, or whose behavior you find annoying, ridiculous or unbearable. Maybe it’s your mother-in-law, your sister, or a particular work colleague. Or him the loud one, her the lowly one, the complacent, the insecure, the stupid, the rich, the fat or maybe the overly thin who provoke
Action Steps
1. Write a list of the people you can not help but talk (a little) ugly about. Maybe there is only one, maybe there are more on your list. It is OK.
2. Take a magnifying glass and examine the characteristics of these people that provoke or irritate you. Important: These are the qualities we are looking for! Eg greedy, too much, stingy, assertive, rude, weak, selfish, etc. 3. Maybe it can help you complete the sentence: He / she is simply so ... Write down these characteristics (perhaps in a small carbon black notebook)
LOOK HONESTLY AT WHAT YOU Envy OR is JEALOUS of IN OTHERS
it's not particularly cool to admit that you're jealous. But we all experience the little green monster sticking its head out once in a while when we are confronted with certain types who ‘have’ or ‘are’ something we do not even feel we have or are. Maybe we are jealous of our girlfriend who is super flirtatious and easily charms men. Maybe we are jealous of our colleague who speaks fluent Spanish. Our friend who is sporty and well-trained. Maybe we are jealous of those who are funny, wild, feminine, sexy, direct, gentle, uncompromising, creative, free-spirited or purposeful. One thing is certain; what you envy in others is not necessarily the same as what others envy. And what you envy tells a lot about your hidden potential and your own development opportunities
Action Steps
1. Sit down, close your eyes for a moment and complete the sentence: I envy people who ...
2. It is completely natural to feel resistance. Give it time. Focus again on the qualities that characterize the people you envy. Important: These are always the qualities we are looking for! Write down these properties (in your little black notebook)
What you cannot identify with will typically be what you distance yourself from,
shake your head at others, or pose incomprehensibly. You can spot this in others but have a very hard time finding it in yourself. This will typically be something that stands in stark contrast to your own self-image. Maybe even a behavior you feel elevated above. Try to complete this sentence: You can call me a lot, but at least I'm not ... boring, stingy, selfish, weak, lazy,
Action Steps
Another way to find these particular shadow sides is by listing 3 properties that you strongly identify with. Which ones 3 (positive) words would you typically use to describe yourself? Write them down.
2. Then find the opposite of these shadow sides. For example, if you have written openly, honestly and funny, your shadow words could be closed, false and boring.
3. Do not judge. Just breathe and write your words down in your little black notebook.
There are things you do when no one sees it.
Things you say when you think no one hears it. Maybe you live super healthy, but eat chips when you are alone. Maybe you yell at your kids when no one is around. Maybe you externally have the perfect relationship, but have not had sex with your partner for 6 months. Maybe your desk at work is always tidy, but your closets at home are full of clutter. Maybe you are extremely generous on the outside, but in reality always have 100% control over who owes what and how much. Maybe you teach loving relationships, but talk down at your husband or talk down to your girlfriends. If you dare to be honest with yourself here, you will find one of the fastest shortcuts to your own shadow. The key to greater authenticity and not least integrity is often hidden here.
Who do you become when you are getting drunk
Oh yes! Do you know that not just your mood, but rather your whole personality changes (a little or a lot) when you get something to drink? Maybe in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde degree maybe just moderate. Maybe you become gentler, sweeter, more loving. Maybe you become rougher, more uninhibited, naughtier, funnier or aggressive? Your shadow is what you hold down. And when you are affected, your defense mechanisms and your ‘other’ true self dissolve. Sometimes to great horror and moral hangover. Other times as a wonderful reminder of moments where you could finally be more yourself. If you dare, you can learn a lot about yourself and your unresolved traits and longings by looking at who you are when you are a little ... tipsy
Action Steps
1. Consider who you are when you are drunk. When was the last time you were drunk? What happened? What was different than when you are sober?
2. Maybe it can help you complete the sentence: When I'm drunk, I'm much more / less ...
3. Remember again: These are the qualities we are looking for.
4. Write down these qualities.
What are you ashemed of in yourself
Shame leads to secrets. What our secrets hide does not match the persona we show to the outside world. And then we hide it away in the shadows. Denies it. Or displace it.
For some, the thought of "I really hate my job" is one shameful secret. For others, it is that they eat prefabricated cake in secret
- a shameful secret that stands in contrast to their otherwise soundless lifestyle.
For others, it's an affair, an addiction, a disability, an episode from childhood, an illness, a body defect, a way of life or think about what is their dirty little secret.
What is yours?
Action Steps
1. Sit down for an undisturbed moment, and consider what secrets you carry. What have you never told others?
What do you only share with very, very few selected people. Why?
2. Complete the sentence: I would think I would be imbarresed if others found out ...
Common to all secrets is that they cover something we do not want to be or be perceived as. Eg dissatisfied, weak, sick, perverted, deceitful, unhealthy, out of
control, envious, disgusting, etc.
4. Find the
5. Write these down in your little notebook. Breathe. Everything is OK.
The shadow hides in our hidden lives. Also what we do not yet live, but are just dreaming about.
Maybe you have fought your way to the top in a testosterone-heavy company, but fantasize about going home and baking muffins with your kids instead. Maybe you ride a motorcycle and smoke cigars in your daydreams.
Maybe you're one seductive diva who just takes what you want.
Maybe you give them that daily treats you badly, a proper pt in your place speach.
Maybe you see yourself in a 4-page article in a fancy magazine.
Maybe you are emigrating to Australia.
Maybe you are far more impulsive, wild, caring, funny, ambitious, passive or dominant in your fantasies than you are in your real life.
Action Steps
1. Sit in a nice place, close your eyes for a moment and allow yourself to open up to all your fantasies. What kind of life do you dream of living?
Where are you located in your fantasies? With whom?
How do you behave in your daydreams?
2. Take out the magnifying glass and examine which hidden sides of you that are more at stake in your fantasies and daydreams. For example brave,
passionate, purposeful, relaxed, etc.
3. Maybe it can help you complete the sentence: In my fantasies I am much more ... than I usually am.
4. Write it down.
LOOK AT WHAT YOU IDOLIZE AND ADMIRE IN OTHERS
As you know, your shadow contains everything that is hidden from yourself.
And it’s not just the disgusting, repulsive and ugly. They are also whats beautiful, amazing and magnificent. Which attracts, attracts and fascinates us.
Some of us have 'outsourced' special talents to our siblings, some of us us have grown up in families where creativity, vulnerability, sensuality orambition and aggression have been looked down at. And then we have closed off these sides of ourselves.
When we see other people freely and unrestrained show and cultivate the sides we are cut off from living out (to the same degree), we can respond in two ways.
Either we will point fingers, condemn or demonize 'the others' or also we will admire, look up to or perhaps even idolize them.
Our idols, role models, heroes show us our own longing and the road to greater authenticity. It is no coincidence that you are completely crazy, for example
with Barack Obama, and your best friend adores Leonard Cohen or Hemingway
Action Steps
1. Write a list of all those you admire, look up to or are a fan of.
Now look at the qualities you admire in these people. Try to be For example, brave, uncompromising, flabby, feminine, sexy, loving.
3. Maybe it can help to complete the phrase: I am wildly fascinated by people who…
4. Write down
5. Consider what you could do, try, say, live in your own life - if you dared to be just a tiny bit more of what you admire. What would you do (different)?
Do you dare?
|
|
|
|
Post by anne12 on Sept 22, 2021 17:34:08 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by anne12 on Sept 22, 2021 17:42:40 GMT
Are you affected or are you informed ?
- thats the important question when doing shadow work
|
|
