Sitting in the feeling of "unsafe"

R – Recognize what is happening

A – Allow life to be just as it is

I – Investigate inner experience with kindness

N – Non-Identification.
www.tarabrach.com/taratalks-meditation-rain-working-difficult-emotions/


Investigation is in a visceral way - ie how does it feel in my body, noticing the physical sensations and allowing them just to be rather than analysing and rationalising.

That having been said - any kind of clinging is essentially bound to bring fear of loss and in particular when the object clung to is not available. So rather than trying to get away from the feeling, experiencing the cling and the fear and see it as a gateway to healing - allowing it to be since what is beneath it is likely to be love and peace and calm. Maybe it's buried deep beneath all these onion skin layers, but it's there.

I think you are on to something.....before I had the image with my little girl dropping velveteen rabbit, I received the first of two emails from B where he had stated his disappointment in being kept from thecommunity for so long (at my request) and that he noticed how I was not attending lunches with the group and leaving quickly and so he had stated he was planning to leave the group at the end of July (we are on break right now).  I knew that he truly did not want to leave and I told him that I did not want him to leave on account of me....that he does deserve to be there and I apologized for being selfish and for keeping from attending the group for so long.  

I think as you have noted above...it is finally becoming real to me that he is not coming back in a romantic way...that he simply wants to be friends.  And as I pondered that...I realized that I was experiencing some of the feelings from when my parents divorced.  My dad had cheated on my mom and he moved on very quickly to focusing on his new wife and step daughter and we (my brothers and I) became a distant thought.  I really struggled to move forward emotionally with this new dynamic which was a problem for my mom as she needed all of us to rally around her.  I did not have capacity before to see the connections..but I do now and few things come to mind......1. I am experiencing the same feelings of unsafe I did with both my parents at that time...it was not safe to be emotionally who I was with either of them 2. I am finally having to face the reality of B moving on 3. Which is tied to 1, I sense that B wants me to be where he is...moved on, able to be friends...but I am not there yet...so I think in that sense more than the actual moving on is how he feels unsafe...but I admit I need to ponder that more as this is all new.

i also realize that for B..his experience growing up was very different....and based on what I know (which is private) he did not have an opportunity to define himself...he was always subject to what he was told was ok or be punished...he has an incredibly attuned nature to others and he is very thoughtful, caring and kind.  The reason I put this here is because I don't want any feedback that implies that he is being selfish...because, given his history...he is not.