Post by bedazzled on Aug 13, 2018 13:34:32 GMT
Hi guys
I’ve done a lot of research since I was seeing an FA girl and am so grateful for this encounter since I’ve become a more secure person since because it made me go into therapy. I’m writing my story below and I would appreciate it any input.
I’ve known this FA girl for 4 years, first 3 years lots of drama etc... also partly due to my childhood wounds (I found out I’m AP). 1 year ago she broke it off and almost immediately got into a new relationship to get over me, because she couldn’t be alone etc...
I have been in intensive therapy for over a year, she for the last 6 months. She was recently “diagnosed” by her therapist as FA and is now reading ‘Hold me tight’ by Sue Johnson. After 2 months into this new relationship, she contacted me. Our contact continued until I could no longer take that she was with the other guy and told her this: I cannot see you anymore as long as you are seeing another guy. Sure enough she broke it off with this other man, it was anyway a relationship doomed to fail.
From that moment on she started talking about marriage and children with me but this was of course way too soon but you know, it feels so good. Of course it got too much for her + all her childhood trauma was triggered by the therapy + some grievance for the other relationship and she became heavily depressed and distancing herself from me.
Unlike before she didn’t cut all contact but of course a person can handle so much so the distancing + all the heavy talking and the burden of her depression made me anxious and 3 weeks ago when she was here i Cracked. I cried because of all the emotions I’m feeling and I told her that I missed the connection between the both of us. Surely I was needy and this turned her off. She said: I can’t give you what you want right now, why don’t we take a couple of weeks apart from each other. She hugged me and said: we’re still ok and I love you. I think because of her therapy and me being less needy (I used to blow up her phone, send 50 messages and be all dramatic) she reacted more elegantly.
There followed 2 weeks of absolute silence and this is nothing like her. Most of the times she contacts me after 5 days. Due to being in therapy I was able to keep myself busy and not so very anxious. After these 2 weeks I reached out and since then we have some contact. She phoned me last week to talk about her therapy session, texted me to tell her how her operation went and phoned me on my birthday. She admits she is pulling up a high wall and feels this low contact thing is better for her. She also said she is afraid that if she sees me, she will like it too much. I know she’s working on herself. The therapy does a lot for her, she says it’s the best thing that ever happened to her. She wants to find out who she is and what she stands for and what she wants in her life and I think that’s very good. I also want her to figure these things out but sometimes we loose the connection But I guess that’s what she needs right now.
The only thing is, sometimes I’m confident that our connection is still there (most of the days) but sometimes my anxiety kicks in and then I wonder why she is distancing herself like that? Maybe all the emotions brought up by the therapy + the idea that I expect something from her or the idea that she is hurting me...anyway some input is very much appreciated!
Thanks for reading and all the best!
I’ve done a lot of research since I was seeing an FA girl and am so grateful for this encounter since I’ve become a more secure person since because it made me go into therapy. I’m writing my story below and I would appreciate it any input.
I’ve known this FA girl for 4 years, first 3 years lots of drama etc... also partly due to my childhood wounds (I found out I’m AP). 1 year ago she broke it off and almost immediately got into a new relationship to get over me, because she couldn’t be alone etc...
I have been in intensive therapy for over a year, she for the last 6 months. She was recently “diagnosed” by her therapist as FA and is now reading ‘Hold me tight’ by Sue Johnson. After 2 months into this new relationship, she contacted me. Our contact continued until I could no longer take that she was with the other guy and told her this: I cannot see you anymore as long as you are seeing another guy. Sure enough she broke it off with this other man, it was anyway a relationship doomed to fail.
From that moment on she started talking about marriage and children with me but this was of course way too soon but you know, it feels so good. Of course it got too much for her + all her childhood trauma was triggered by the therapy + some grievance for the other relationship and she became heavily depressed and distancing herself from me.
Unlike before she didn’t cut all contact but of course a person can handle so much so the distancing + all the heavy talking and the burden of her depression made me anxious and 3 weeks ago when she was here i Cracked. I cried because of all the emotions I’m feeling and I told her that I missed the connection between the both of us. Surely I was needy and this turned her off. She said: I can’t give you what you want right now, why don’t we take a couple of weeks apart from each other. She hugged me and said: we’re still ok and I love you. I think because of her therapy and me being less needy (I used to blow up her phone, send 50 messages and be all dramatic) she reacted more elegantly.
There followed 2 weeks of absolute silence and this is nothing like her. Most of the times she contacts me after 5 days. Due to being in therapy I was able to keep myself busy and not so very anxious. After these 2 weeks I reached out and since then we have some contact. She phoned me last week to talk about her therapy session, texted me to tell her how her operation went and phoned me on my birthday. She admits she is pulling up a high wall and feels this low contact thing is better for her. She also said she is afraid that if she sees me, she will like it too much. I know she’s working on herself. The therapy does a lot for her, she says it’s the best thing that ever happened to her. She wants to find out who she is and what she stands for and what she wants in her life and I think that’s very good. I also want her to figure these things out but sometimes we loose the connection But I guess that’s what she needs right now.
The only thing is, sometimes I’m confident that our connection is still there (most of the days) but sometimes my anxiety kicks in and then I wonder why she is distancing herself like that? Maybe all the emotions brought up by the therapy + the idea that I expect something from her or the idea that she is hurting me...anyway some input is very much appreciated!
Thanks for reading and all the best!
