Post by Veronika on Aug 21, 2018 13:22:15 GMT
I have been in a relationship with a man for about 1 1/2 years now. We are best friends and have been lovers in the past. At his request, we are no longer intimate, but I know that depending on his whims , moods and circumstances he might slip up and that can change. We have had a push pull relationship this entire time and I never could put my finger on what was wrong until I learned about attachment theory. I realize that over the course of this relationship I have become an AP....not a severe case, but enough to make me feel crazy!
It’s interesting, to read back on the letter I wrote him back in Decemberthe first time I broke up with him. With mhat I know NOW, it is so easy to see that I was reacting to all of his fearful/dismissive behavior. He would not answer my texts, he was pulling away physically sometimes, he wouldn’t make plans, I was a last minute option....it’s TEXTBOOK!! I even had the fortitude to tell him I realized it wasn’t his fault and he wasn’t being intentionally mean to me. But I did not know his behavior had a name, nor did I know that I was gradually becoming an anxious partner.
We broke up a second time, when he told me he could no longer be intimate with me and I told him I could simply no longer be his friend knowing that he was sleeping with other women but he would not touch me with a 10 foot pole. I have never been so hurt in my life. He could not even formulate a reason as to why he does not want to be intimate anymore. It was at this time he started to admit that he had a problem, and had pushed away other women and his past with the same behavior. And he didn’t know why he does it.
Interestingly, things are feeling better to me, but only because I have put some guidelines in place. I never ever text him first. I have removed him as a friend on Facebook, not because I am angry at him but because I was obsessing over his contact with other people while he would always ignore me. Interestingly enough, this is had the effect of him sending me lots of photos since he knows that I’m not seeing them on Facebook anymore. So he is actually texting me more. He knows I’m dating other people as well. And I’m pretty sure he saw a picture of me with one of them the other day on my friends Facebook page. All of these things have resulted in him paying me a bit more attention.
There are a lot of things that are still bothering me. Obviously, I miss physical intimacy. I have decided to no longer spend the night at his house cuddling with him. He refuses to call me his girlfriend or let me call him my boyfriend, but he constantly refers to our “relationship.” He tells me that he loves me quite often. I have broken up with him three times and he pursues me after a couple weeks and is falling apart crying and sobbing. We are pretty miserable when we are not in contact with each other. It makes me sad to know when he is with other women who he uses just for sex. But I know that I am his emotional contact and he loves me more than anything.
A friend asked me if I would rather be one of his fuck buddies, or have his utter undying love as it stands now. Wow....that’s so hard. I want the Whole package! But I know I can never have it. I’m grateful to have found this forum!
It’s interesting, to read back on the letter I wrote him back in Decemberthe first time I broke up with him. With mhat I know NOW, it is so easy to see that I was reacting to all of his fearful/dismissive behavior. He would not answer my texts, he was pulling away physically sometimes, he wouldn’t make plans, I was a last minute option....it’s TEXTBOOK!! I even had the fortitude to tell him I realized it wasn’t his fault and he wasn’t being intentionally mean to me. But I did not know his behavior had a name, nor did I know that I was gradually becoming an anxious partner.
We broke up a second time, when he told me he could no longer be intimate with me and I told him I could simply no longer be his friend knowing that he was sleeping with other women but he would not touch me with a 10 foot pole. I have never been so hurt in my life. He could not even formulate a reason as to why he does not want to be intimate anymore. It was at this time he started to admit that he had a problem, and had pushed away other women and his past with the same behavior. And he didn’t know why he does it.
Interestingly, things are feeling better to me, but only because I have put some guidelines in place. I never ever text him first. I have removed him as a friend on Facebook, not because I am angry at him but because I was obsessing over his contact with other people while he would always ignore me. Interestingly enough, this is had the effect of him sending me lots of photos since he knows that I’m not seeing them on Facebook anymore. So he is actually texting me more. He knows I’m dating other people as well. And I’m pretty sure he saw a picture of me with one of them the other day on my friends Facebook page. All of these things have resulted in him paying me a bit more attention.
There are a lot of things that are still bothering me. Obviously, I miss physical intimacy. I have decided to no longer spend the night at his house cuddling with him. He refuses to call me his girlfriend or let me call him my boyfriend, but he constantly refers to our “relationship.” He tells me that he loves me quite often. I have broken up with him three times and he pursues me after a couple weeks and is falling apart crying and sobbing. We are pretty miserable when we are not in contact with each other. It makes me sad to know when he is with other women who he uses just for sex. But I know that I am his emotional contact and he loves me more than anything.
A friend asked me if I would rather be one of his fuck buddies, or have his utter undying love as it stands now. Wow....that’s so hard. I want the Whole package! But I know I can never have it. I’m grateful to have found this forum!
