|
|
Post by leavethelighton on Aug 21, 2018 23:53:29 GMT
Have you found that studying attachment styles has given you insights into your parents that you didn't have before? Has it made you more understanding of them or less understanding?
I feel like I'm getting such a deeper understanding of my family dynamic. Things that bothered me or made me feel hurt now I can look at more objectively because I'm better able to understand why the dynamic is what it is. I can make sense of the patterns. The last time my mother visited, I feel like I had a major breakthrough in understanding.
I guess this is a vague post, but I'm curious about others' experiences in this regard.
|
|
|
|
Post by epicgum on Aug 22, 2018 2:18:39 GMT
Have you found that studying attachment styles has given you insights into your parents that you didn't have before? Has it made you more understanding of them or less understanding?
I feel like I'm getting such a deeper understanding of my family dynamic. Things that bothered me or made me feel hurt now I can look at more objectively because I'm better able to understand why the dynamic is what it is. I can make sense of the patterns. The last time my mother visited, I feel like I had a major breakthrough in understanding.
I guess this is a vague post, but I'm curious about others' experiences in this regard.
I have a lot less respect for my parents. They are doing the best they can to help me and they are fine people, but I now realize that some of their parenting choices and characteristics have been deeply damaging to me. (Super bad communication skills, very very conflict avoidant, both somewhat enmeshed, both have lots and lots of anxiety) |
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Aug 22, 2018 2:45:11 GMT
Honestly...I think Myers Briggs taught me more about my mom then attachment theory. She and I are just different. She is stoic...I am emotional. She doesn't get me, I don't get her.
|
|
|
|
Post by goldilocks on Aug 22, 2018 8:30:32 GMT
I would say that gaining insight into my parents and grandparents childhood has made me more understanding of the multigenerational patterns that have led to my childhood being as it was. I have more empathy for my parents knowing that they too have been through hell, made an attempt to be a good parent, but did not succeed in providing me with security. I have had to earn my own security but I do not resent them for what they could not do.
My mother comes from a very abusive home, had low self esteem, but did her best to provide for me and was a relatively good mother to me. She has come a long way to healing her own issues when I was in my teens, but unfortunately the damage was done in my early childhood and she could not undo it. We have a very good relationship now. Understanding that she is on the AP side helps me make a more accurate guess of her needs so that we may relate in a more fulfilling way. I have also learned about her Enneatype, MBTI and love language and take these into consideration. Love and harmony are important to her, and gifts are her favorite way to receive love. So I usually bring a magazine, flowers or chocolate when I come, picking something special that suits her and helps her feel loved.
My father likely had NPD and was by no means able to be a good parent. He was unsafe and unable to love in a way that meets the needs of a child. While he has gone through therapy and did a lot of reading on philosophy, specifically aiming to conceptualize empathy, he has not succeeded in healing himself sufficietly to relate to others and feel empathy or behave as if he did. He had the kind of childhood that might as well have been designed as an experimental setting to make NPD happen. Very very few people overcome NPD or even make significant progress and very few therapists even today are confident in their ability to help someone overcome this. It is like making it to the Olympics. How can I resent another for not performing a superhuman feat? He died five years ago.
|
|
