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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2018 11:52:00 GMT
i've made the switch and life is wonderful.
over material things, chronic busy-ness, and constant striving, i value rest, ease, and time to devote to what's really important to me.
i own my life now, it doesn't own me.
my kids and i have been very happy with simplifying, they enjoy the peace! they talk to their friends about it- i've heard them! ♥️
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Post by ocarina on Aug 24, 2018 17:10:28 GMT
How do you want to live your life? How might your life be better with less? MINIMALISM: A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT THE IMPORTANT THINGS examines the many flavors of minimalism by taking the audience inside the lives of minimalists from all walks of life—families, entrepreneurs, architects, artists, journalists, scientists, and even a former Wall Street broker—all of whom are striving to live a meaningful life with less. www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Co1Iptd4p4 (Netflix) www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKazsz_BbUAThanks Anne - I certainly verge on the minimalist -I have a few possessions that I love - my surfboard, a great bicycle, one or two beautiful pairs of shoes but otherwise very little "stuff" it just doesn't appeal to me. I am in the process of designing a house - a very simple but architecturally striking building, with minimal environmental impact that melts into the landscape around it. That's my idea of heaven, peaceful, simple and easy. Is it my imagination or are DAs more likely than other attachment styles to live in unconventional ways? |
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Post by ocarina on Aug 24, 2018 18:32:27 GMT
"Is it my imagination or are DAs more likely than other attachment styles to live in unconventional ways?"
Ocarina, what makes you think this?
Observation - perhaps skewed because I suspect my friendship group are skewed against anxious attachment types simply because we don't tend to be compatible in terms of relationship needs. DAs in particular, from what I have read on here and observed in real life seem to walk their own walk and be less influenced by societal norms - or perhaps be less conventionally aspirational. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2018 18:44:17 GMT
"Is it my imagination or are DAs more likely than other attachment styles to live in unconventional ways?"
Ocarina, what makes you think this?
Observation - perhaps skewed because I suspect my friendship group are skewed against anxious attachment types simply because we don't tend to be compatible in terms of relationship needs. DAs in particular, from what I have read on here and observed in real life seem to walk their own walk and be less influenced by societal norms - or perhaps be less conventionally aspirational. i see that in my circle of DA as well, kind of counter- cultural , nothing extreme. and it makes sense to me, with the kind of extreme independence and autonomy thing. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2018 20:37:47 GMT
i'm not talking so much about the busy-ness, i notice a DA tendency toward hermit simplicity- that's always been true for me and i just recently made bigger commitments to that. i think DA mentality could easily feel attracted to a monastic type life, and minimalism is a part of that kind of simplicity. and also, spirituality is often something we turn to in place of people and things. so there are some inherent tendencies toward minimalism in my experience. not all DA are like this, but many i have experienced. it's just a kind of lifestyle leaning i have noticed in the dismissives i know. it's very easy to let go of things because the sanctuary is inside of us. what do you think ocarina? |
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Post by ocarina on Aug 24, 2018 21:26:52 GMT
i'm not talking so much about the busy-ness, i notice a DA tendency toward hermit simplicity- that's always been true for me and i just recently made bigger commitments to that. i think DA mentality could easily feel attracted to a monastic type life, and minimalism is a part of that kind of simplicity. and also, spirituality is often something we turn to in place of people and things. so there are some inherent tendencies toward minimalism in my experience. not all DA are like this, but many i have experienced. it's just a kind of lifestyle leaning i have noticed in the dismissives i know. it's very easy to let go of things because the sanctuary is inside of us. what do you think ocarina ? Perhaps DAs have an inherent tendency not to cling - to people or possessions. I embody hermit simplicity but I think that's different from the more pathological DA behaviour pattern of avoidance - it's more a conscious decision to focus on what is important and to maintain a peaceful life. I do sometimes have to make an effort to pull myself away from total isolation- and emotional intimacy. both with myself and with other people is a work in progress. I do think that some people living a so called monastic life, are doing so as a form of avoidance, but many are instead the embodiment of present moment experience - the very opposite of avoidance. I am not sure the DAs who I have read about who have lots of sexual partners, avoid commitment to anything, behave with little empathy etc fit into this group - so maybe the friends I know who cultivate simplicity in their lives are a sub population - and that it's not a DA trait as such.... |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2018 22:41:37 GMT
i'm not talking so much about the busy-ness, i notice a DA tendency toward hermit simplicity- that's always been true for me and i just recently made bigger commitments to that. i think DA mentality could easily feel attracted to a monastic type life, and minimalism is a part of that kind of simplicity. and also, spirituality is often something we turn to in place of people and things. so there are some inherent tendencies toward minimalism in my experience. not all DA are like this, but many i have experienced. it's just a kind of lifestyle leaning i have noticed in the dismissives i know. it's very easy to let go of things because the sanctuary is inside of us. what do you think ocarina ? Perhaps DAs have an inherent tendency not to cling - to people or possessions. I embody hermit simplicity but I think that's different from the more pathological DA behaviour pattern of avoidance - it's more a conscious decision to focus on what is important and to maintain a peaceful life. I do sometimes have to make an effort to pull myself away from total isolation- and emotional intimacy. both with myself and with other people is a work in progress. I do think that some people living a so called monastic life, are doing so as a form of avoidance, but many are instead the embodiment of present moment experience - the very opposite of avoidance. I am not sure the DAs who I have read about who have lots of sexual partners, avoid commitment to anything, behave with little empathy etc fit into this group - so maybe the friends I know who cultivate simplicity in their lives are a sub population - and that it's not a DA trait as such.... yes. agree completely. i don't know DA who behave in the more extreme ways, either. my life has always been more about lone wolf stuff and not the consistent acting out to distract. however, i've always been on the far end of dismissive. i'm sure that many other factors come into play. but my needs are pretty minimal in the first place. |
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Post by goldilocks on Aug 26, 2018 12:05:48 GMT
Perhaps DAs have an inherent tendency not to cling - to people or possessions. I embody hermit simplicity but I think that's different from the more pathological DA behaviour pattern of avoidance - it's more a conscious decision to focus on what is important and to maintain a peaceful life. I do sometimes have to make an effort to pull myself away from total isolation- and emotional intimacy. both with myself and with other people is a work in progress. I do think that some people living a so called monastic life, are doing so as a form of avoidance, but many are instead the embodiment of present moment experience - the very opposite of avoidance. I am not sure the DAs who I have read about who have lots of sexual partners, avoid commitment to anything, behave with little empathy etc fit into this group - so maybe the friends I know who cultivate simplicity in their lives are a sub population - and that it's not a DA trait as such.... yes. agree completely. i don't know DA who behave in the more extreme ways, either. my life has always been more about lone wolf stuff and not the consistent acting out to distract. however, i've always been on the far end of dismissive. i'm sure that many other factors come into play. but my needs are pretty minimal in the first place. I'm on the same page as both of you. Quiet and simplicity are things I enjoy, and I think DA in general do not like a lot of noise and clutter. My house has a lot of open space and I am quite conscious about what items I want to have and what items I do not want. I do have colourful areas, but the items are meaningful to me and in their place. Perhaps the low empathy/sleeping around people are diagnosed as DA by an ex rather than themselves or a psychologist. That sort of behaviour sounds more situational/immature or player/asshat than dismissive to me. |
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Post by ocarina on Aug 26, 2018 15:00:37 GMT
My partner was a classic DA and in his youth his fear of commitment was extreme - he floated unconsciously between partners at lightening speed with no emotional connection - or any other kind of connection. It was not his intention to be unkind but I am sure that he came across as a real asshat and I know his behaviour was very damaging. It came from a place of extreme immaturity and unawareness which coupled with his avoidance was a pretty lethal weapon. Externally I am sure he looked like a classic player - and he was. Dismissive avoidance drove these behaviours - he love his aloneness but also wanted sex and some company now and then.
I think there's always a choice how you interpret this - knowing his internal loneliness and horrifically damaging childhood experiences it's easy to class him as a DA - for most of his invested partners,to whom he never opened up in any way, he must have seemed the proverbial player.
I am sure there are many sleeping around types who feel this internal emptiness - and seek continued validation and pleasure from their multiple partners until like all drugs, it wears thin and the emptiness remains. Fortunately my partner begun to look deeply at himself and his journey changed direction.
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Post by goldilocks on Aug 26, 2018 15:13:11 GMT
Still, it is more of an interaction between avoidance and immaturity.
And personality type for sure.
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 26, 2018 17:55:05 GMT
I am a minimalist...have been for 4 years..met The Minimalists in person twice...I am a moderator for their Facebook meet up page in my area.😀
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Post by ocarina on Aug 26, 2018 21:51:56 GMT
I am a minimalist...have been for 4 years..met The Minimalists in person twice...I am a moderator for their Facebook meet up page in my area.😀 tnr9 you are a woman of many talents and real breadth of being - fab! |
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