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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2018 22:55:32 GMT
and in an attitude of kindness, and also stark realism, understanding that the AP pitfall is holding on way past a relationship's expiration date, i have to admit that these accounts of pining for a long gone DA are painful and uncomfortable to read simply because they are so unrealistic and seem somewhat delusional. i am not wanting to be insulting or demeaning. but that is my honest perspective, delivered without judgement, and in utter honesty. you guys have to keep focused on how to stop the madness because it's extremely detrimental to you and the reconciliation narrative is fantasy. Hey, Juniper...yes, DA’s use logic and cut and release much faster than an AP, but I don’t think getting back together with an ex is pure fantasy. Couples do get back together- my ex husband and I got back together after a two year separation. Stayed together after that for 15 years. My in-laws separated for two years also and then reconciled. Many couples do this. People can learn from their mistakes and failures what they should have done differently- this most recent break opened up my eyes to attachment trauma and all my blind spots regarding my AP ways. Loss is a great motivator. I believe anything is possible. i know anything is possible, but in the case of an ex partner that doesn't want or doesn't have the capacity for a relationship , and who is doing no internal work to address the issues that caused the split, i think the potential is largely a fantasy. If there were awareness in these men, who have severe avoidant attachment, i could see things slightly differently, but i see a pattern of AP narrative more than i are two people moving toward eventual reunion. |
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Post by blueunif on Oct 28, 2018 1:22:23 GMT
10 years? Fuck. Good thoughts otherwise though. What can I say, I'm a nostalgic, loyal, idealistic person who is not good at letting go  I'd still like to reconcile someday, but it took me 10 years to decide to (or be able to) stop wondering if I should reach out. Hey hey 10 years is pretty good! I'm at almost 20 years and I'm only just learning about the decision about reaching out!!!!!! We are all here for each other too  |
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Post by blueunif on Oct 28, 2018 1:51:13 GMT
Hi everyone I had a small success today! This is what I did: In the midst of NC and very overt rejection from DA, but still in each other's presence. The blows were coming but I breathed through it and told myself 'I'm ok'. When I started twitching to reach out I told myself 'It's just the anxiety. I don't need to'. A tiny step but it got me through 24 hours. I just need to keep practising it and know that when I do fall off, which I will, that's ok too. I guess this is also about the practise of observing our thoughts and feelings if we can make it to this space. I'm still reading posts when I can and I want to thank everyone for being so helpful - it's great having a supportive environment that we can go to. Sending hugs and encouragement to all |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2018 15:36:44 GMT
Maybe this will help someone. My past ex tried reaching out to me almost every day for 9 years and we never got back together. Wow Mary, 9yrs! I'm surprised you didn't block them. How old were you/them? Did it have any impact on you? Did you care about them at all at this point? It's a long story, but he just stopped 6 months ago. I guess the only impact was wondering, why is he still trying after all this time. I had long moved on and couldn't understand. I understand a little more after reading this forum. I care about him as a person and I hope that he is ok, but I did not have thoughts of getting back together. In the beginning, I told him it was over and not to keep contacting me. Over time, I gave up and just ignored him. |
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