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Post by Lizzie on Nov 16, 2018 11:56:34 GMT
I have chosen not to register in this forum in order not to get involved and to stay more objective. So I observe and work on myself. I have noticed a lot of unhealthy patterns play out and a lot of retraumatization of APs who even thank for the recurrent unkindness. It breaks my heart.
Another thing. I have started to doubt the tests. Well, not even the tests as such but... Having taken all kinds of tests during my life, I know that certain tests can be easily faked. After a while you just know the right answer. People who claim to be earned secures in this forum have proven to be secure very seldom. There are few but not all of them.
Please be careful.
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Post by tnr9 on Nov 16, 2018 12:06:15 GMT
I have chosen not to register in this forum in order not to get involved and to stay more objective. So I observe and work on myself. I have noticed a lot of unhealthy patterns play out and a lot of retraumatization of APs who even thank for the recurrent unkindness. It breaks my heart.
Another thing. I have started to doubt the tests. Well, not even the tests as such but... Having taken all kinds of tests during my life, I know that certain tests can be easily faked. After a while you just know the right answer. People who claim to be earned secures in this forum have proven to be secure very seldom. There are few but not all of them.
Please be careful.
Hey Lizzie....yeh...I understand...probably you are seeing a lot of my posts. Honestly.....I am trying to use the reoccurring feelings etc to gain a better perspective..but this is not easy work.....learned patterns don't just change overnight. And I am an aware AP....that is all I am willing to call myself. |
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Post by Lizzie on Nov 16, 2018 12:10:41 GMT
Darling... (sigh)
tnr9, as a typical AP you blame yourself for everything. You are one of those people who might get retraumatized here.
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Post by tnr9 on Nov 16, 2018 12:16:16 GMT
Darling... (sigh) tnr9, as a typical AP you blame yourself for everything. You are one of those people who might get retraumatized here. Yeah....I understand Lizzie.....here is the thing.....I don't want to be afraid of my APness any more...even if I get retraumitized on a public forum...I want to use that as anopportunity to gain new insight into myself. Yep....I am the typical self blaming version of AP....working on it. 🙂 |
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 16, 2018 14:55:36 GMT
I have chosen not to register in this forum in order not to get involved and to stay more objective. So I observe and work on myself. I have noticed a lot of unhealthy patterns play out and a lot of retraumatization of APs who even thank for the recurrent unkindness. It breaks my heart.
Another thing. I have started to doubt the tests. Well, not even the tests as such but... Having taken all kinds of tests during my life, I know that certain tests can be easily faked. After a while you just know the right answer. People who claim to be earned secures in this forum have proven to be secure very seldom. There are few but not all of them.
Please be careful.
Yes, I agree- a lot of trauma being sparked and played out here. I regret posting my last thread about finding voice due to all the drama and backlash that ensued. I can’t say I’m surprised by poster’s words and reactions but disappointed considering the origin of my post. Growth can come here, but a lot of other stuff, too. I appreciate your comments... |
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Post by Lizzie on Nov 16, 2018 20:12:17 GMT
When something is poisonous to you and you know it, would you keep taking it over and over again? I doubt it.
I almost registered here when I saw Nat Lue attacked. Nat Lue was the reason why I turned my life around. She said exactly that: you need to put boundaries in place and leave.
We need to remove ourselves from these situations. We need to get rid of DAs in our lives because they are poisonous to us. The same way we are poisonous to them. Cut contact or if that is not possiböe (close relatives) then reduce the contact to minimum.
In my native language there is a saying: never hit the man who is already down. We are already down. We have negative self image, we do not need anyone else to despise us, to put us down, to call us names. No-one.
Don't forget, insecure people raise insecure people. We pass the dynamic on to the next generation if we do not act decisively enough. How many insecures here have reported to have secure children? Yet no-one seems to take responsibility for their own part in it. For me this is the absolute most important reason to heal, my children. And that is why I do not take part in the fights here. I would get poisoned.
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Post by tnr9 on Nov 16, 2018 20:23:35 GMT
When something is poisonous to you and you know it, would you keep taking it over and over again? I doubt it. I almost registered here when I saw Nat Lue attacked. Nat Lue was the reason why I turned my life around. She said exactly that: you need to put boundaries in place and leave. We need to remove ourselves from these situations. We need to get rid of DAs in our lives because they are poisonous to us. The same way we are poisonous to them. Cut contact or if that is not possiböe (close relatives) then reduce the contact to minimum. In my native language there is a saying: never hit the man who is already down. We are already down. We have negative self image, we do not need anyone else to despise us, to put us down, to call us names. No-one. Don't forget, insecure people raise insecure people. We pass the dynamic on to the next generation if we do not act decisively enough. How many insecures here have reported to have secure children? Yet no-one seems to take responsibility for their own part in it. For me this is the absolute most important reason to heal, my children. And that is why I do not take part in the fights here. I would get poisoned. I understand why you would not want to participate...I only have a fur child and he is FA (lol) and we are still working on that. I actually get a lot out of being here..it isn't so much about B anymore....although he is often mentioned just because I notice more the lingering feelings I have. Iam here for my own journey. I don't see DAs as toxic anymore than I see FAs as toxic or APs as toxic. In the real world I don't get to avoid people...why do it here? I do wish you well on your personal journey. |
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 17, 2018 1:06:02 GMT
When something is poisonous to you and you know it, would you keep taking it over and over again? I doubt it. I almost registered here when I saw Nat Lue attacked. Nat Lue was the reason why I turned my life around. She said exactly that: you need to put boundaries in place and leave. We need to remove ourselves from these situations. We need to get rid of DAs in our lives because they are poisonous to us. The same way we are poisonous to them. Cut contact or if that is not possiböe (close relatives) then reduce the contact to minimum. In my native language there is a saying: never hit the man who is already down. We are already down. We have negative self image, we do not need anyone else to despise us, to put us down, to call us names. No-one. Don't forget, insecure people raise insecure people. We pass the dynamic on to the next generation if we do not act decisively enough. How many insecures here have reported to have secure children? Yet no-one seems to take responsibility for their own part in it. For me this is the absolute most important reason to heal, my children. And that is why I do not take part in the fights here. I would get poisoned. Liz....I am learning to step away from all toxic influences and relationships no matter their attachment style. An ex DA who has nothing to give and dehumanizes me and also a completely crazy, emotionally unbalanced AP (but won’t admit it, though tested for it) poster from YouTube who recently started emailing me with all kinds of long, overly emotional, demanding, and needy messages. It was probably good for me to be on the receiving end of an unaware AP. He showed himself to be unstable and so annoying!! He was as toxic as they come and won’t even admit he’s AP. He brought out a STRONG avoidant in me, and I’m pretty low in the advoidant department! He was easy to block and move on after a few days of extreme craziness but my point is rather than demonize any one group, we should recognize any abusive, unhealthy relationship for what it is and cut ties. I want everyone to progress on their journey- I wish you the best, Liz 🌸 |
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Post by leavethelighton on Nov 17, 2018 1:43:02 GMT
Also not your fault. Why regret posting a perfectly valid original post? There's no way you could have known it would have been triggery enough to start The Great War of 2018. 
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 17, 2018 1:45:13 GMT
Also not your fault. Why regret posting a perfectly valid original post? There's no way you could have known it would have been triggery enough to start The Great War of 2018.
Haha, thanks!! The Great Voice Debate! If only that date knew what he inspired!! 😂 |
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Post by Lizzie on Nov 17, 2018 10:10:13 GMT
To you, too, tnr9!  I think the place to be for more healed APs is here, in safe support forum where they can help others who go through similar things. Wisdom gained through experience is so very valuable. We do not learn from DAs who constantly trigger us, we learn from people similar to us who have overcome their issues. It is similar to how AA works. You wouldn't send an alcoholic to a bar to get better. Yet here we ask DAs for help. It cannot possibly work. Yes, there is more to people than attachment system. You can see it here, too. Toxicity comes in many forms and bullies are just bullies. |
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Post by tnr9 on Nov 17, 2018 13:41:14 GMT
To you, too, tnr9! I think the place to be for more healed APs is here, in safe support forum where they can help others who go through similar things. Wisdom gained through experience is so very valuable. We do not learn from DAs who constantly trigger us, we learn from people similar to us who have overcome their issues. It is similar to how AA works. You wouldn't send an alcoholic to a bar to get better. Yet here we ask DAs for help. It cannot possibly work. Yes, there is more to people than attachment system. You can see it here, too. Toxicity comes in many forms and bullies are just bullies. I get what you are saying Lizzie...,and I do appreciate this forum for the safety it provides when support is needed. I actually like the other forums because posting there challenges me to find my own voice and to work on my own "buttons"...you cannot be triggered if the buttons are removed. I think isolating is not the answer...the world is a mixed bag and we get to learn about ourselves via the interactions we have with others. Every interaction is just an invitation....we don't have to take their words or actions in.....that is where we grow as APs...we find our own voice.💕 |
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Post by leavethelighton on Nov 18, 2018 0:26:13 GMT
I think it depends on the person. Talking to a person of a particular attachment style here isn't the same as being in a relationship with one or having a lot of feelings for one so I don't think it would necessarily be triggery. I don't think an AP talking to a DA here is so much like an alcoholic in a bar as it's like an alcoholic seeing a photograph of people drinking or people online mentioning alcohol... maybe triggery, maybe not. However if it is triggery for someone, maybe just hang out on the support boards?
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Post by Lizzie on Nov 18, 2018 9:00:03 GMT
Right, I wish the people who could help fellow APs would not have left but stayed here. There are people we need to avoid because they are not good for us. It is healty and actually a secure way to protect yourself. If you recall then secures make those decisions easily. I personally have read the posts in any of the forums here without being triggered (except the one where Nat Lue was battered behind her back, this was just unfair). But, not in a million years I would be in direct contact with people like juniper, not in forums, not in other environments and certainly not in real life. Toxic is toxic, bullies are bullies. I agree with many things that were said yesterday about her, I see it too. And once you see it, you cannot unsee it. But enough about her, I am not qualified to make assessments about her nor do I want to or care. All I wanted to say is that I avoid people like her (or any poster child DAs) because I do not need this crap, it is unnecessary. I have my own back. I guess the air is clear for a little while now. Until it starts all over again. |
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Post by tnr9 on Nov 18, 2018 16:58:14 GMT
Right, I wish the people who could help fellow APs would not have left but stayed here. There are people we need to avoid because they are not good for us. It is healty and actually a secure way to protect yourself. If you recall then secures make those decisions easily. I personally have read the posts in any of the forums here without being triggered (except the one where Nat Lue was battered behind her back, this was just unfair). But, not in a million years I would be in direct contact with people like juniper, not in forums, not in other environments and certainly not in real life. Toxic is toxic, bullies are bullies. I agree with many things that were said yesterday about her, I see it too. And once you see it, you cannot unsee it. But enough about her, I am not qualified to make assessments about her nor do I want to or care. All I wanted to say is that I avoid people like her (or any poster child DAs) because I do not need this crap, it is unnecessary. I have my own back. I guess the air is clear for a little while now. Until it starts all over again. That is fine if that is your opinion...I never saw Juniper as toxic or someone to avoid. She provided some great insight into her world and I appreciated that. She and I sometimes do not see eye to eye...but that happens all the time. I think all this anti Juniper commentary is not very fruitful....people always could just not respond to her or post here...because she never came into this forum. |
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