joan
Full Member
Posts: 100
|
Post by joan on Nov 27, 2018 4:39:06 GMT
It's been 2 weeks since the guy I used to call an avoidant and now believe was a narcissist broke things off with me. I was completely heartbroken. Not just heartbroken, but absolutely anxious and going out of my head. I'm embarrassed to admit I spent hundreds of dollars calling up psychics. I wanted to know if it was truly over, what was he thinking, what was going to happen. I'd wake up at 4:00 in the morning pacing, not being able to stop having these looping thoughts of him. It felt like what a drug addict feels when they're withdrawing for sure. I couldn't ease my mind, even with anxiety medication. This breakup triggered my fears of abandonment to the worst degree. To make matters worse my therapist who I've seen weekly for three years was on hiatus because she was going through her own personal issues. She told me I could call her anytime during her hiatus, yet she wasn't returning my call. Finally when she called me back, she suggested I find another therapist because she didn't know when she'd be back. I was so desperate I went to a sex and love addict group meeting. That just made me feel worse.
That was week one.
Week two, the panic turned into this deep depression. I could barely shower, leave the house except for work, which felt absolutely dreadful. Food tasted like cardboard. The future seemed so bleak. Every negative thing my ex said to me was on repeat in my head. I started to take Prozac on the advice of a relative. That didn't seem to do anything but cause me even worse insomnia, and weird dreams when I did manage to sleep. Yet I kept taking it hoping it would eventually kick in. I stopped taking it.
Yesterday morning I went to see a new therapist for the first time. She performed this thing called Electromagnetic Therapy using this device that you hold in both hands. You can do a google search for the process of it. She said it's a quick type of therapy where I would start feeling the effects pretty quickly. I walked out of her office feeling better, but I wasn't sure if it was a fleeting feeling. Oh my god....I don't know what it is, the Electromagnetic Therapy, time, distance, no contact or what but by noon today I felt like this fog lifted. Not only that, but I actually felt this huge feeling of relief that it was over between my ex and I. Happy even. It's this feeling of freedom where I no longer care where he is, what he's thinking, or who he's with.
It's been 3 years of living in this fantasy, rather than truly seeing reality. I could go on, but I just wanted to celebrate this feeling, and share my story to hopefully inspire anyone else that feels like they're stuck. I've never been a believer in miracle cures, and I'm still not sure it's this Electromagnetic Therapy, but I feel happy and truly free for the first time in a long time. I hope this feeling stays, because it's the most at peace I've felt in such a long time.
|
|
|
|
Post by chipper on Nov 27, 2018 5:34:16 GMT
Just wanted to say that I’m happy to hear you’re feeling better. Sounds like those first few weeks were tough, but you go this!
|
|
joan
Full Member
Posts: 100
|
Post by joan on Nov 27, 2018 6:38:18 GMT
Thank you Chipper! It was tough for sure, but those tough two weeks moved me forward rather than the stagnation of staying in that relationship for three years. I feel like I can finally breath!
|
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Nov 27, 2018 12:04:37 GMT
That is great Joan....there is a group I belonged to while I was healing from seeing a Narcissist called It's All About Him. What I loved about that site was reading other stories of women who had been in the same trap and left....I also did a 6 week online course that really helped me move on.
|
|
|
|
Post by 8675309 on Nov 27, 2018 12:41:10 GMT
Im glad you're feeling better.  That freedom is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Another gift, is you will now be available for someone emotionally open and secure. I know in time after some healing... just saying, now you're free to be with someone good for you when the time comes. |
|
|
|
Post by epicgum on Nov 27, 2018 14:04:16 GMT
Im very happy for you. Also a little envious that this process took 2 weeks for you as opposed to months or years.
|
|
joan
Full Member
Posts: 100
|
Post by joan on Nov 27, 2018 19:01:26 GMT
That is great Joan....there is a group I belonged to while I was healing from seeing a Narcissist called It's All About Him. What I loved about that site was reading other stories of women who had been in the same trap and left....I also did a 6 week online course that really helped me move on. Hi tnr9, Thank you for the resource. I may just check it out. I've spent the last two weeks soaking up every bit of information I could find about narcissists to get an understanding of my experience. I honestly feel like I can say, I've moved past caring what his issues were. I'm at a point now where I'm really looking at my past traumas, and the beliefs and patterns I've carried with me that have attracted me to that kind of toxicity and kept me stuck. How do I create a reality that fulfills me where I no longer want to live in a fantasy? How do I learn to really love myself and receive the love that I have around me where I no longer feel lack and need. Those are the questions I'm focusing on. Narcissists are a dime a dozen. That's one realization I came to. Do I want to continue feeling like shit about myself or truly be happy and at peace? It took a lot of pain to find my answer. |
|
joan
Full Member
Posts: 100
|
Post by joan on Nov 27, 2018 19:08:47 GMT
Im glad you're feeling better. That freedom is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Another gift, is you will now be available for someone emotionally open and secure. I know in time after some healing... just saying, now you're free to be with someone good for you when the time comes. It really does feel like a gift! Yes in time, one day I will be ready for someone who knows how to be emotionally open and secure. I'm just enjoying this feeling of wanting to get to know me, and really loving myself. In the past I would rush after a break up into another relationship to avoid being alone. I'm definitely not feeling that this time. |
|
joan
Full Member
Posts: 100
|
Post by joan on Nov 27, 2018 19:17:04 GMT
Im very happy for you. Also a little envious that this process took 2 weeks for you as opposed to months or years. epicgum, It surprised me to start feeling this way so soon! I expected it would take months. I was prepared and ready to go through that though. That's how ready I was to be happy again. Once I accepted and realized how unhappy I was in that "relationship" I made the decision to keep moving forward through whatever pain I had to endure. |
|
|
|
Post by sissyk on Nov 27, 2018 21:44:47 GMT
"It felt like what a drug addict feels when they're withdrawing for sure"
I wonder if there is not some brain chemical addiction going on and it takes a certain amount of time to get them out of the system. When I gave up sugar for a low carb diet I craved it desperately for about a week then was, "meh"
I recently bumped into a guy I had short term dated last year--just for a couple of months. I used to feel a jolt of dopamine every time I would get a text from him and would be floating on Cloud 9 after a date. I felt terrible for months after we stopped seeing each other. When I saw him these many months later I felt--nothing at all and wondered what on earth I had seen in him at the time.
I ponder this as I am thinking about going no contact with the DA/FA guy I am seeing to see if I can reset myself to see him as just a friend. (On a different thread in the DA section, that seemed to be the best course)
|
|
joan
Full Member
Posts: 100
|
Post by joan on Nov 27, 2018 22:53:34 GMT
"It felt like what a drug addict feels when they're withdrawing for sure" I wonder if there is not some brain chemical addiction going on and it takes a certain amount of time to get them out of the system. When I gave up sugar for a low carb diet I craved it desperately for about a week then was, "meh" I recently bumped into a guy I had short term dated last year--just for a couple of months. I used to feel a jolt of dopamine every time I would get a text from him and would be floating on Cloud 9 after a date. I felt terrible for months after we stopped seeing each other. When I saw him these many months later I felt--nothing at all and wondered what on earth I had seen in him at the time. I ponder this as I am thinking about going no contact with the DA/FA guy I am seeing to see if I can reset myself to see him as just a friend. (On a different thread in the DA section, that seemed to be the best course) There is definitely a chemically addictive component to it, especially if there's any of the toxic type behaviors like intermittent reinforcement. That was something my therapist pointed out to me. It's not easy to go through. Once you get through the hurdle of the chemical withdraw, then it really is so much easier to see that person without the rose tinted glasses. It's like a switch. At least for me it was. |
|
|
|
Post by sissyk on Nov 27, 2018 22:57:14 GMT
Intermittent reinforcement has been a big pull for me with this guy. He is a human slot machine.
|
|
|
|
Post by leavethelighton on Nov 28, 2018 0:26:18 GMT
I'm glad you feel better! Not I'm curious about this magnet thing!
BTW, many antidepressants can take 3-4 weeks to really kick in, so if you ever try one again, get a doctor's advice and don't expect results to be quick.
|
|
joan
Full Member
Posts: 100
|
Post by joan on Nov 28, 2018 0:38:47 GMT
I'm glad you feel better! Not I'm curious about this magnet thing! BTW, many antidepressants can take 3-4 weeks to really kick in, so if you ever try one again, get a doctor's advice and don't expect results to be quick. leavethelighton - You really should check out electromagnetic therapy! I really don't know if that's what did it for me or not. Maybe I just reached a breaking point and I was more ready to walk away then I thought. What makes me believe the electromagnetic therapy played some kind of part in how I'm feeling is, it's like a new feeling I haven't experienced before. It's not just the freeing feeling of not caring for that particular person, but this freeing feeling of being perfectly okay with being just with me. I'd always worried about ending up alone, or not finding that someone who I feel in love with or passionate about. I don't feel that at all. I have another session with the electromagnetic therapy this weekend. I'll keep you all posted. It's supposed to be a quick process, about 8 weeks of it. My doctor and relative did warn me that the medication would take time to fully kick in. I just honestly didn't feel like I needed it. I knew the sadness I was feeling was due to the break up and it was something I could deal with without medication. It was a desperate attempt to numb myself. The sleep disturbances it was causing me just didn't end up being worth it. |
|
