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Post by cardinal on Nov 27, 2018 21:00:27 GMT
I used to come here all the time after a complicated relationship with an FA I knew ended. It left me heartbroken, unable to trust, damaged my sense of self-worth, etc. I went to counselling and learned how he treated me was manipulative/emotionally abusive.
I recently just got out of a 8 month long relationship with a secure man. He was absolutely wonderful and showed me what a good boyfriend looks like. I could be honest and open to him about my needs, I could ask for affection, and I could be affectionate with him without worrying about causing some kind of heartbreaking push-pull cycle and for him to actually respond in kind without ghosting me or saying I was being too demanding for asking for basic relationship needs. When he broke up with me, all the reasons made sense and I knew he was telling me everything he had do say. Once you date someone who has their head on straight about intimacy, it's a whole new world.
Although I'm heartbroken it ended, he gave me his everything and treated me well. It really showed me how important secure relationships are.
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Post by 8675309 on Nov 28, 2018 0:50:12 GMT
Being with secure is a whole different ball game, its healthy, safe, 'easy', ect. Even when it has problems and doesn't work out.
Im securely attached and Ive only had relationships with secures, dating an avoidant brought me here. He put me totally out of my element! LOL The anxiousness/anxiety he gave me was so not the norm for me. I didn't even know what to do with myself so to speak! haha.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2018 1:02:41 GMT
I must say that the ex DA so severely triggered me that I was totally off kilter and did a lot of crazy stuff that felt impulsive and out of control and desperate. I’ve had secure partners before and those were always easy - if I started getting anxious or avoidant, they would just point it out and reassure me even if they got annoyed. I didn’t feel terrified that they would simply emotionally cut me off just because they got annoyed at something I did. even if I do think it on some level and have some fear, it wasn’t so intense and terrifying that I had to Marshall all my resources to hold myself together.
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Post by Happilysecured on Dec 7, 2018 6:39:45 GMT
I just have to say thanks for confirming for me that dating a secure would be light years different from any other (DA, FA, etc). I've recently been dumped by a DA and am left with the broken pieces to patch myself back together. I'm a secure but this DA brought out the AP in me with a vengeance!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2018 19:41:40 GMT
Being with secure is a whole different ball game, its healthy, safe, 'easy', ect. Even when it has problems and doesn't work out. Im securely attached and Ive only had relationships with secures, dating an avoidant brought me here. He put me totally out of my element! LOL The anxiousness/anxiety he gave me was so not the norm for me. I didn't even know what to do with myself so to speak! haha. Here here me two. Never been a detective before lolzzz
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2018 19:43:49 GMT
I just have to say thanks for confirming for me that dating a secure would be light years different from any other (DA, FA, etc). I've recently been dumped by a DA and am left with the broken pieces to patch myself back together. I'm a secure but this DA brought out the AP in me with a vengeance! It can happen to the best of us chick 😘
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