This really works!

Dec 2, 2018 13:56:14 GMT tnr9 said:

ocarina ...thank you for this...I am looking into it because I want to stop feeling miserable from old patterns. I spent a ton of money on candles yesterday and although I know I will use them all...it wasn't really about the candles...it was about being able to talk to the associates and other customers and swap and share stories. I am grateful that I can afford to have these moments, but it points to a need in me that I am trying to fill with stuff...and as a minimalist, I know that stuff is not the answer. Still the desire for connection is there. I am a huge fan of Dr. Gabor Mate...he is an addiction specialist and he speaks to the impact of stress and loneliness. I truly am grateful to this site and to the wisdom of other members who are willing to share what works for them.

tnr9 that's heart breaking - and I really really hope this may be of use to you. Connection is a human desire full stop - and there's nothing wrong of course with having these needs - bravo for you for speaking up about it. The thing that separated the happiness trap for me, from other forms of therapy was that as well as approaching difficult thoughts and feelings, it helped me to create a kind of behavioural road map for the future.

Very often when we sort out behaviours or obsessive patterns, we get left with a kind of void which ends up being filled by another relationship or another unhealthy habit or whatever - the Happiness Trap really helped me to recognise what was truly important in my life and then move towards these values whilst dealing methodically and systematically with the difficulties along the way.

One thing I think that minimalism brings which can be challenging is it stops us papering over unhappiness or discontent by buying more stuff - and that can leave an uncomfortable feeling gap in life. Keep going!!!!

I am grateful too to everyone who cares enough to listen and comment.

Dec 2, 2018 21:55:27 GMT epicgum said:

Thanks ocarina , i appreciate it. Is the Happiness Trap associated with the ACT? Or are they completely separate? Also, did you complete the program while single or in the context of a relationship?

Edit: I am also of a more rational/scientific bent and i sometimes struggle with the more spiritual stuff as well, so i appreciate that angle as well.

The Happiness Trap is applied ACT in otherwords the ACT concept is behind the program - but it's a specific program to work methodically through the steps required - with clinical support and ongoing resources.

I signed up for the course when I was still effectively grieving my last very painful and difficult relationship - I just felt stuck. Whilst I was waiting for the course to start, my ex resurfaced very unexpectedly and intensely and I worked through most of the course whilst we were kind of negotiating our new norm. It helped me to stay objective and to stay on track during what was a pretty stressful time - and stay on my own track in other words not to disengage even though that was my go to setting - but not to over attach and jump right back in. It was the first time ever I could really say I have related from my values as opposed to from my reactive attachment disorder driven home page settings. I feel much more in control of myself and hence have much less of a need to control anyone else!

I think that to be honest relationship or not, I can't think of anyone who wouldn't benefit - it's not magic and there is a requirement to engage and actually do the exercises but once you begin to notice change happening, it's not difficult to commit to this.

It's funny epicgum I am totally rational and scientific but there's room inside of the for a deep inner wisdom and learning which I guess could be called spirituality - but the scientist in me needs an evidence base so no woo hoo crystals for me!