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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2018 11:37:43 GMT
I've been thinking about this.. what exactly is a close relationship? What are its characteristics and dynamics? What exactly is considered close? how is that different from interdependence?
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Post by leavethelighton on Dec 6, 2018 1:02:03 GMT
... and how do you not get too close that you become codependent, enmeshed, etc. etc.
I think in such a relationship you can talk about most things or everything without having to worry about rejection and vice-versa. You have each other's backs.
Good question about interdependence though. It's easier to define that by what it isn't-- it isn't codependence, or one-sided dependence, or avoidance. Maybe you simultaneously both work towards the wellbeing of both people?
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Post by chipper on Dec 6, 2018 1:06:09 GMT
Isn't "close" a subjective term? Wouldn't folks define it different ways?
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Post by 8675309 on Dec 6, 2018 1:51:08 GMT
Id say it can be different for people.
For me- trust, openness, meeting each others needs, we can talk about anything, and I can be myself. They have my back and I have theirs. You know each others love language. I cant be close to someone I dont trust or cant be myself. I am more less always myself but some people just give you a vibe so you hold back, etc. You just have this feeling you cant trust them or whatever, its a gut thing.
This is for lovers and friends.
I have one friend I talk to about anything and Everything, he does the same. We call each other on our crap too and would do anything for each other. We are close even though we dont hang out or talk that much.
He knows more about me than anyone else on this Earth right now.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2018 11:45:56 GMT
I second 8675309 about the trust, openness and having each other's back. As an insecurely attached individual, it is sometimes hard to recognize what is closeness or emotional distance in a relationship, but there is one feeling that keeps track of it for me. It's a feeling I can count on them. If I feel like I can't suddenly call them in case of emergency and expect them to support me (I might not even think about it as an option), I know there is no real intimacy, closeness and trust between us. It could be because of my avoidance or the other person's avoidance or both, but that's just how it is. There is an emotional distance. We may enjoy our time together and have a lot in common, even lots of fake intimacy, but we are not close. By this definition, none of my friendships or relationships have been close. I also think interdependence is a precondition for closeness - it develops as a result of interdependent interaction. |
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Post by epicgum on Dec 6, 2018 20:01:45 GMT
I second 8675309 about the trust, openness and having each other's back. As an insecurely attached individual, it is sometimes hard to recognize what is closeness or emotional distance in a relationship, but there is one feeling that keeps track of it for me. It's a feeling I can count on them. If I feel like I can't suddenly call them in case of emergency and expect them to support me (I might not even think about it as an option), I know there is no real intimacy, closeness and trust between us. It could be because of my avoidance or the other person's avoidance or both, but that's just how it is. There is an emotional distance. We may enjoy our time together and have a lot in common, even lots of fake intimacy, but we are not close. By this definition, none of my friendships or relationships have been close. I also think interdependence is a precondition for closeness - it develops as a result of interdependent interaction. Fake intimacy, that is a great word. Maybe kind of like fantasy bond. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2018 22:42:07 GMT
yea. one issue I had with my ex is tht I never felt like I could access him in times of emergency. I could call my colleague more easily than I call him, but I can't tell if it's only because of emotional distance or because he has an ex wife and two kids that still live with him... or both really. I always had this nagging feeling that if i were in hospital, he'd have a hard time (have to lie and manage the situation) coming to see me, rather than just owing up to the relationship and saying someone he cares about is ill.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2018 22:44:54 GMT
... and how do you not get too close that you become codependent, enmeshed, etc. etc. I think in such a relationship you can talk about most things or everything without having to worry about rejection and vice-versa. You have each other's backs. Good question about interdependence though. It's easier to define that by what it isn't-- it isn't codependence, or one-sided dependence, or avoidance. Maybe you simultaneously both work towards the wellbeing of both people? I thought this was really timely in answering the question on codependence! www.thisisinsider.com/codependency-signs-partner-2018-12 I think I'm somewhat codependent, but I swing on the people pleasing part. deep down inside I just want everyone to be happy and I do whatever I can, but sometimes when i'm feeling "strong", I don't quite care as much. |
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