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Avoidants
Dec 15, 2018 3:08:26 GMT
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Post by kathy94 on Dec 15, 2018 3:08:26 GMT
Is there any thing in particular that would make an Avoidant want to reach out to someone they have decided to be distant from? Like a certain behavior etc? This is romantic realationships
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Avoidants
Dec 15, 2018 3:29:02 GMT
via mobile
Post by faithopelove on Dec 15, 2018 3:29:02 GMT
Is there any thing in particular that would make an Avoidant want to reach out to someone they have decided to be distant from? Like a certain behavior etc? This is romantic realationships I’m not an avoidant, but I don’t think so!! |
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Avoidants
Dec 15, 2018 3:45:43 GMT
via mobile
Post by kathy94 on Dec 15, 2018 3:45:43 GMT
Is there any thing in particular that would make an Avoidant want to reach out to someone they have decided to be distant from? Like a certain behavior etc? This is romantic realationships I’m not an avoidant, but I don’t think so!! I’ve definitely heard of them wanting to reach out when they feel you are moving on... |
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Avoidants
Dec 15, 2018 4:15:15 GMT
via mobile
Post by faithopelove on Dec 15, 2018 4:15:15 GMT
I’m not an avoidant, but I don’t think so!! I’ve definitely heard of them wanting to reach out when they feel you are moving on... I think that’s something a fearful avoidant would do but not a dismissive. |
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Avoidants
Dec 15, 2018 4:48:17 GMT
via mobile
Post by mrob on Dec 15, 2018 4:48:17 GMT
Do your own thing, and run your own life. That’s the most attractive thing.
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Avoidants
Dec 15, 2018 5:02:45 GMT
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Post by epicgum on Dec 15, 2018 5:02:45 GMT
I think it's because as you are moving on he/she feels the pain of abandonment.
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Avoidants
Dec 15, 2018 5:43:09 GMT
via mobile
Post by kathy94 on Dec 15, 2018 5:43:09 GMT
I’ve definitely heard of them wanting to reach out when they feel you are moving on... I think that’s something a fearful avoidant would do but not a dismissive. I think he’s a fearful avoidant |
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Avoidants
Dec 15, 2018 21:06:10 GMT
via mobile
Post by kathy94 on Dec 15, 2018 21:06:10 GMT
So I came up with some “boundaries” for me with my FA guy. I’m not going to have sex with him until I get that commitment that I truly need. Where he is calling me his girlfriend etc. I’m not doing this to get back at him but to also protect myself. Also I’m not going to be exclusive with him unless he wants to be my official boyfriend and I’m going to make sure we both have an understanding of each others needs. I am still open to seeing eachother but I’m not going to give him the girlfriend benefits without him giving me security. Are these what everyone is talking about with boundaries? Right now he isn’t talking with me so I am going to go NC for a month and I could reach out again later. Thoughts?
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Post by leavethelighton on Dec 16, 2018 0:35:25 GMT
Maybe, but after you read a couple hundred posts here, the main point is that you should be acting out of your authentic self, as opposed to committing actions to try to get him to turn around.
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Avoidants
Dec 16, 2018 2:47:29 GMT
via mobile
Post by faithopelove on Dec 16, 2018 2:47:29 GMT
Maybe, but after you read a couple hundred posts here, the main point is that you should be acting out of your authentic self, as opposed to committing actions to try to get him to turn around. A couple hundred posts...Lol So true!! And yeah, I’ve finally drawn my own boundaries with my ex DA simply bc I couldn’t accept the situation we were in anymore. Casual relationship w physical and very limited communication. I need more and if you can’t/won’t give more I back away and do what’s best for me! Liberating |
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Post by kathy94 on Dec 16, 2018 6:49:07 GMT
Maybe, but after you read a couple hundred posts here, the main point is that you should be acting out of your authentic self, as opposed to committing actions to try to get him to turn around. A couple hundred posts...Lol So true!! And yeah, I’ve finally drawn my own boundaries with my ex DA simply bc I couldn’t accept the situation we were in anymore. Casual relationship w physical and very limited communication. I need more and if you can’t/won’t give more I back away and do what’s best for me! Liberating We has been ignoring me for 2 weeks. The last thing he sent me was that he didn’t have feelings for me Anymore and he wants to be alone. I’m not texting him anymore. I just feel like he’s not being honest. We were just starting to get closer. |
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Avoidants
Dec 18, 2018 5:35:43 GMT
via mobile
Post by faithopelove on Dec 18, 2018 5:35:43 GMT
A couple hundred posts...Lol So true!! And yeah, I’ve finally drawn my own boundaries with my ex DA simply bc I couldn’t accept the situation we were in anymore. Casual relationship w physical and very limited communication. I need more and if you can’t/won’t give more I back away and do what’s best for me! Liberating We has been ignoring me for 2 weeks. The last thing he sent me was that he didn’t have feelings for me Anymore and he wants to be alone. I’m not texting him anymore. I just feel like he’s not being honest. We were just starting to get closer. Yes, I know it’s been so incredibly hard for me to pull out of this relationship- even though he broke up with me 12 months ago. Whenever I feel like he’s starting to be more positive and entertain the idea of us again- my ex also retreats. He won’t say he doesn’t have feelings for me, but he won’t say that he does. He won’t step up for us anymore. He says he’s incapable. At a certain point we need to remind ourselves that we don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want us. It won’t be fulfilling- no one-way relationship can be, so we need to create our boundary and stand by it. Some days are harder than others- yesterday my anxiety was high and I had a strong urge to reach out and reconnect w him, but since I’ve doing that the past 12 months, I know it gets me nowhere with this DA except on a hamster wheel of unspoken words and unmet expectations. He wants distance. I want closeness. I don’t want him halfway. I want all or nothing. The way he once said he wanted me. We all deserve someone who is all in for us!! If he doesn’t want all of me- then he doesn’t get a piece of me. I’d rather be alone than settle. He’d rather be alone than open his heart again to us. |
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Avoidants
Dec 18, 2018 5:40:06 GMT
via mobile
Post by faithopelove on Dec 18, 2018 5:40:06 GMT
So I came up with some “boundaries” for me with my FA guy. I’m not going to have sex with him until I get that commitment that I truly need. Where he is calling me his girlfriend etc. I’m not doing this to get back at him but to also protect myself. Also I’m not going to be exclusive with him unless he wants to be my official boyfriend and I’m going to make sure we both have an understanding of each others needs. I am still open to seeing eachother but I’m not going to give him the girlfriend benefits without him giving me security. Are these what everyone is talking about with boundaries? Right now he isn’t talking with me so I am going to go NC for a month and I could reach out again later. Thoughts? I’m similar- I hit the “no more physical part w out girlfriend status” however, I don’t want to reach out in a month. I’m thinking it will be more of the same unless he’s inspired to make a move and initiate a connection. This connection can’t be one hour in the bedroom, either. He’s never felt the choice of our break. I don’t know about your ex, but I plan on letting him feel it. Maybe then he’ll get help... |
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Avoidants
Dec 18, 2018 6:00:54 GMT
via mobile
Post by kathy94 on Dec 18, 2018 6:00:54 GMT
So I came up with some “boundaries” for me with my FA guy. I’m not going to have sex with him until I get that commitment that I truly need. Where he is calling me his girlfriend etc. I’m not doing this to get back at him but to also protect myself. Also I’m not going to be exclusive with him unless he wants to be my official boyfriend and I’m going to make sure we both have an understanding of each others needs. I am still open to seeing eachother but I’m not going to give him the girlfriend benefits without him giving me security. Are these what everyone is talking about with boundaries? Right now he isn’t talking with me so I am going to go NC for a month and I could reach out again later. Thoughts? I’m similar- I hit the “no more physical part w out girlfriend status” however, I don’t want to reach out in a month. I’m thinking it will be more of the same unless he’s inspired to make a move and initiate a connection. This connection can’t be one hour in the bedroom, either. He’s never felt the choice of our break. I don’t know about your ex, but I plan on letting him feel it. Maybe then he’ll get help... I caved in and reached out again. I told him that I still would like for us to be friends and we don’t need to focus on labels. He didn’t reply. I feel like maybe he needs to feel what it’s like to be ignored and I’m going to no NC for a month or so. If he ever reaches out again... idk I honestly wonder if he has just been using me this whole time and he isn’t even an FA. like he only said he wanted to be exclusive bc I’d sleep with him. |
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