Post by joan on Feb 15, 2019 21:18:47 GMT
It's been a while since I've posted on here. I've been trying to get a handle on the situation I've been going through with the DA I was with for three years, and now have been broken up with for the past three months. I wanted to stay out of my head, it's a scary place lol and just focus on work, and things that I can control in my life.
Hopefully to make a long story short, the DA broke up with me. He'd broken up with me several times throughout the course of our seeing each other. It wasn't even formally labeled a "relationship" even though it very much was one. His reason, he wasn't feeling as emotionally and physically attracted to me because of all the conflicts I brought into the mix. I don't even want to get into all that. We went back and forth for about a week through texts where I was trying to understand why he suddenly felt that way, and just trying to process it. When I felt he truly wanted the break up I stopped texting him. That was the first time I ever disappeared the way that I did. Usually I'd give it a few days and then text him trying to work things out. This time I didn't.
Three weeks go by and then he texts me asking for a password to an account he had on my TV so he could cancel it. When I logged into the account to cancel it, I saw that he already cancelled his card getting charged. I knew he just used the subscription cancellation as an excuse for pulling me back in. He started sending me these lighthearted texts, and even a video of his niece saying not to be mean to her uncle. Had I been completely over him, and not still going through processing the heartbreak, I would've kept things light and friendly but kept communication minimal. Instead I was triggered into hope as maybe most of us AP's experience.
He ended up coming over where we talked, and when I cried talking about how hard this break up has been, he actually cried too. He said he didn't know what was going on with him, and maybe he hates women. I asked if he was gay. He said no, but he just couldn't ever make it over to the love side for a woman and he didn't know if he'll just be single for the rest of his life. He even said if I were the last woman he was with, he'd be perfectly fine with that. He even finally admitted it wasn't fair how he'd treated me, and how little he gave me. Yet he wasn't wanting to get back together.
So he's been coming over a few hours one night on the weekend where we just run errands, talk and hang out. There's no physical intimacy. He texts me daily throughout the day, lighthearted things, or the struggles of taking care of his dad with dementia. It's probably the most I've ever head from him. I try not to bring up any talks of us or what's going on because the times I have he'll just say he's confused, still trying to figure things out. There's so much more, but I'm trying to keep this short and it's already long.
I feel like maybe he's seeing someone else and just keeping me hanging on while he sees if things will work out with that other person. If they don't, then I'm the back up plan. That's what my intuition will strongly tell me at times, but there's been plenty of times it's been proven wrong. It's so difficult to decipher between feeling like it's my intuition or logic or insecurity. I guess no one can really know personally for me what it is, but I'd just like to know if other AP's and even DA's experience that. If he's seeing someone else or stringing me along then I want to tell him not to contact me anymore. That's my intuition. My fear is I'm being anxious, paranoid and this is an irrational fear and I need to be patient and see where things go and give this a chance.
Hopefully to make a long story short, the DA broke up with me. He'd broken up with me several times throughout the course of our seeing each other. It wasn't even formally labeled a "relationship" even though it very much was one. His reason, he wasn't feeling as emotionally and physically attracted to me because of all the conflicts I brought into the mix. I don't even want to get into all that. We went back and forth for about a week through texts where I was trying to understand why he suddenly felt that way, and just trying to process it. When I felt he truly wanted the break up I stopped texting him. That was the first time I ever disappeared the way that I did. Usually I'd give it a few days and then text him trying to work things out. This time I didn't.
Three weeks go by and then he texts me asking for a password to an account he had on my TV so he could cancel it. When I logged into the account to cancel it, I saw that he already cancelled his card getting charged. I knew he just used the subscription cancellation as an excuse for pulling me back in. He started sending me these lighthearted texts, and even a video of his niece saying not to be mean to her uncle. Had I been completely over him, and not still going through processing the heartbreak, I would've kept things light and friendly but kept communication minimal. Instead I was triggered into hope as maybe most of us AP's experience.
He ended up coming over where we talked, and when I cried talking about how hard this break up has been, he actually cried too. He said he didn't know what was going on with him, and maybe he hates women. I asked if he was gay. He said no, but he just couldn't ever make it over to the love side for a woman and he didn't know if he'll just be single for the rest of his life. He even said if I were the last woman he was with, he'd be perfectly fine with that. He even finally admitted it wasn't fair how he'd treated me, and how little he gave me. Yet he wasn't wanting to get back together.
So he's been coming over a few hours one night on the weekend where we just run errands, talk and hang out. There's no physical intimacy. He texts me daily throughout the day, lighthearted things, or the struggles of taking care of his dad with dementia. It's probably the most I've ever head from him. I try not to bring up any talks of us or what's going on because the times I have he'll just say he's confused, still trying to figure things out. There's so much more, but I'm trying to keep this short and it's already long.
I feel like maybe he's seeing someone else and just keeping me hanging on while he sees if things will work out with that other person. If they don't, then I'm the back up plan. That's what my intuition will strongly tell me at times, but there's been plenty of times it's been proven wrong. It's so difficult to decipher between feeling like it's my intuition or logic or insecurity. I guess no one can really know personally for me what it is, but I'd just like to know if other AP's and even DA's experience that. If he's seeing someone else or stringing me along then I want to tell him not to contact me anymore. That's my intuition. My fear is I'm being anxious, paranoid and this is an irrational fear and I need to be patient and see where things go and give this a chance.