Post by toorational on Feb 18, 2019 18:43:32 GMT
Hello,
I'm looking for tips or testimonials from people like me Living Apart Together, for an AP and DA couple. I don't think we're bad cases of AP and DA respectively. One of my ex (6 month relationship) was an extreme case of DA so I know what a DA on the far end of the spectrum looks like. In fact, the first year with my slightly DA girlfriend was pure bliss, with almost no signs of DA at all. However, the end of the honeymoon phase (we've been together 2 years now) combined with the fact that we are a LAT couple is creating challenges.
The biggest issue for me is the emotional roller-coaster. One week my gf might be very affectionate, sending me lots of sweet texts, saying ILY a lot, being physically affectionate, etc. Then another week she might be very distant. Not saying ILY back when I say it, refusing sex, very low communication, not making a big effort to spend time together, etc. Since I'm anxious, I always assume that her love for me is fading in these moments and it creates stress and anxiety on my end.
We discussed those things a few times in the past and she know where I stand. I'm making a big effort to desensitize my "something is wrong between us" radar and try to assume that she might just be preoccupied with something, tired, or just simply needs some down time alone. I'm improving but I still struggle with this.
Another issue we have is "pressure". She doesn't want to feel pressure in the relationship, she fully admits that it turns her off big time. Either pressure to have sex or pressure to spend time together. We didn't really find a solution to this one yet. For the time being I'm refraining from saying things like "I can't wait to spend time together" or "I'm horny for you". Unfortunately these kind of messages can be met with great enthusiasm when she's in the mood but can also be felt like pressure at other times.
Anyway, that's enough for now. I'm so glad I found this forum. Learning about attachment theory has been a revelation for me.
I'm looking for tips or testimonials from people like me Living Apart Together, for an AP and DA couple. I don't think we're bad cases of AP and DA respectively. One of my ex (6 month relationship) was an extreme case of DA so I know what a DA on the far end of the spectrum looks like. In fact, the first year with my slightly DA girlfriend was pure bliss, with almost no signs of DA at all. However, the end of the honeymoon phase (we've been together 2 years now) combined with the fact that we are a LAT couple is creating challenges.
The biggest issue for me is the emotional roller-coaster. One week my gf might be very affectionate, sending me lots of sweet texts, saying ILY a lot, being physically affectionate, etc. Then another week she might be very distant. Not saying ILY back when I say it, refusing sex, very low communication, not making a big effort to spend time together, etc. Since I'm anxious, I always assume that her love for me is fading in these moments and it creates stress and anxiety on my end.
We discussed those things a few times in the past and she know where I stand. I'm making a big effort to desensitize my "something is wrong between us" radar and try to assume that she might just be preoccupied with something, tired, or just simply needs some down time alone. I'm improving but I still struggle with this.
Another issue we have is "pressure". She doesn't want to feel pressure in the relationship, she fully admits that it turns her off big time. Either pressure to have sex or pressure to spend time together. We didn't really find a solution to this one yet. For the time being I'm refraining from saying things like "I can't wait to spend time together" or "I'm horny for you". Unfortunately these kind of messages can be met with great enthusiasm when she's in the mood but can also be felt like pressure at other times.
Anyway, that's enough for now. I'm so glad I found this forum. Learning about attachment theory has been a revelation for me.