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Post by happyidiot on Mar 7, 2019 6:23:48 GMT
If someone creates imaginary scenarios displaying fears of their partner cheating, what is the best way for the partner to deal with this? I want to hear what you truly think would be best for both the person and their partner in the long run to be more secure, not what you think you might think you WANT (which might be something like spending 100% of your time together so that the anxious person knows it's impossible for their partner to cheat, and for the partner to disown all their friends of the gender(s) that they're attracted to and to give the anxious person complete access to their phone, etc). Thanks!
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Post by anne12 on Mar 7, 2019 7:51:02 GMT
jebkinnison.boards.net/thread/1268/jealousy-relationshipsIf the person cant control their jealousy the person often have some trauma. What can happen is that the person gets stuck in the trauma whirlwind so the person have to go All the way throw the trauma whirlwind. SE therapy combined with attatchment therapy can often help the person. I would treat the person like the person had some desorganised attatchment. Be clear, No confusion, maybe send the person a text when you are out with friends ect - ask what the person needs to feel more relaxed.
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Post by happyidiot on Mar 7, 2019 16:16:47 GMT
jebkinnison.boards.net/thread/1268/jealousy-relationshipsIf the person cant control their jealousy the person often have some trauma. What can happen is that the person gets stuck in the trauma whirlwind so the person have to go All the way throw the trauma whirlwind. SE therapy combined with attatchment therapy can often help the person. I would treat the person like the person had some desorganised attatchment. Be clear, No confusion, maybe send the person a text when you are out with friends ect - ask what the person needs to feel more relaxed. Thanks Anne! What if the person thinks they don't have a right to tell me what would help them feel more relaxed? Or if some of the things that seem to trigger the jealousy aren't things that can be anticipated and avoided? |
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Post by anne12 on Mar 7, 2019 17:27:46 GMT
That's a Difficult question. Also when we do not know the situations where the jealousi shows up.
The watertankexercise and other exercises in the self regulation thread can sometimes help the person.
But again also combined with a SE therapist.
Maybe the person doesn't know why the person gets so jealous - could be from different kinds of trauma.
The person could also feel some shame about the jealousi.
It's difficult if the person doesn't want to talk about it.
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Post by 8675309 on Mar 7, 2019 17:50:27 GMT
In my opinion you can’t, it’s something they have to deal with and face so it’s not projected onto others. Just like you can’t fix someone’s attachment trauma you can’t fix this either.
What you say may temporarily stop it but until they deal with the issue it will keep popping back up.
if they are doing real things that make one think that and are not projected I’d move on, no trust and jealousy will make the relationship fail.
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Post by faithopelove on Mar 7, 2019 22:50:39 GMT
I think it largely has to do with trust and insecurity isssues. If trust and security can be fostered then the jealousy should decrease.
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 14, 2019 1:54:24 GMT
I so relate....my dad cheated on my mom my when I was 9 and I have had an incredibly hard time with trust and possessiveness since then. When I get into that space...I am not acting from a place of adulthood, but a hurting little girl. I would honestly first acknowledge the feelings and fear of the other person. I have bedn told so many times that my feelings and thoughts are wrong...but that does not help...it honestly makes me feel worse. Acknowledging the fear without judgement shows that you are a trustworthy person. Make the communication open...allow your partner to express the insecurities before they become full blown jealousy. Finally...know this is not about you...it is a pattern formed in a stuck place...so have empathy. It is no fun to be stuck here...i amactually experiencing it right now with the guy I used to see....and I can do is just sit in this painful feeling and give myself a mental hug.
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Post by leavethelighton on Mar 17, 2019 23:41:51 GMT
If someone is imagining a partner cheating, then it seems to me one of two things is likely: Either 1. The partner is consciously or unknowingly behaving in ways to create insecurity (ex: flirting with others, talking inappropriately about others, being hot and cold, etc.), or 2. The partner isn't doing anything to inspire the jealousy, but the jealous person has issues that have nothing to do with the partner.
In the first case, the partner needs to work to be more conscious of how their actions are contributing to an unhealthy dynamic and would ideally work to change their behaviors. In the second case, I am not sure the partner's behavior can change things-- the person who has jealousy issues may need therapy or something along those lines so that they stop reading into a situation that which isn't there.
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