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Post by sissyk on Apr 2, 2019 21:57:43 GMT
The other question is, why is a dismissive avoidant making contact with someone from his past? Is it the hope of NSA sex? It’s quite clearly not for a relationship. It takes two to be friends. The lady who brought me to the point of being here sometimes contacts me. She’s in a long standing committed relationship, cohabitating, having what I couldn’t give her. I act with propriety, I think about the fact that she really does want to be friends, but internally I go into a spin. Astrange mix of “I dodged a bullet there” and “I messed her around for so long and I miss her”. After that initial deactivation and revulsion, I missed her. Part of me longs for her. I know that NC is the only way, and I’ve kidded myself that I can be friends. I can’t. One day, maybe, but I very much doubt it. The scab needs time to heal, is my point. NC seems to be the only way it happens. - ok, so he just texted back a response from my text. He said “I just have to keep it simple.” What do you think, as an avoidant man- is he just after sex? Even though he could get that anywhere from girls who don’t care to know his last name? Why me...Does he just trust me w sex and nothing else? Does a part of him still have feelings that are shoved down? Hmmmm. FHL....What do you think he means by keep it simple? Do you think he wants to go back to FWB? Or just be friends? |
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Post by faithopelove on Apr 3, 2019 1:59:06 GMT
mrob - ok, so he just texted back a response from my text. He said “I just have to keep it simple.” What do you think, as an avoidant man- is he just after sex? Even though he could get that anywhere from girls who don’t care to know his last name? Why me...Does he just trust me w sex and nothing else? Does a part of him still have feelings that are shoved down? Hmmmm. FHL....What do you think he means by keep it simple? Do you think he wants to go back to FWB? Or just be friends? - I think he means he doesn’t want me to talk about the future and make him feel pressured like those two texts that triggered him. At first I talked about relationships in general but then I made it more personal and texted about us. It was way too overwhelming for him. For some reason I was very bold that night opening up and he definitely couldn’t handle it. He’s comfortable day by day and in the moment. He can’t handle more. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2019 2:45:18 GMT
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Post by faithopelove on Apr 3, 2019 3:52:22 GMT
@shiningstar - Thanks for checking in, my anxiety level has come down from a 10 to a 1 from this past weekend. While not good that he shut down and avoided all talk of hypothetical relationships and our own, it also isn’t surprising to me, as he has told me right now “this is the place he’s in.” Another words, he’s not thinking futuristic since our break. Having experienced contact with him again yesterday and today and a level of repair leaves me feeling much calmer. My body was screaming to repair and restore this weekend and I was forced to push it aside. I get completely triggered and distraught when things are completely severed between us. |
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Post by sissyk on Apr 3, 2019 12:01:07 GMT
@shiningstar - Thanks for checking in, my anxiety level has come down from a 10 to a 1 from this past weekend. While not good that he shut down and avoided all talk of hypothetical relationships and our own, it also isn’t surprising to me, as he has told me right now “this is the place he’s in.” Another words, he’s not thinking futuristic since our break. Having experienced contact with him again yesterday and today and a level of repair leaves me feeling much calmer. My body was screaming to repair and restore this weekend and I was forced to push it aside. I get completely triggered and distraught when things are completely severed between us. That's honest  I'm glad you are not suffering as anxiety feels so awful. And interesting DA reached out after a few days. But you know it is going to likely be a continued dynamic as long as you are in contact |
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Post by faithopelove on Apr 3, 2019 20:41:50 GMT
@shiningstar - Thanks for checking in, my anxiety level has come down from a 10 to a 1 from this past weekend. While not good that he shut down and avoided all talk of hypothetical relationships and our own, it also isn’t surprising to me, as he has told me right now “this is the place he’s in.” Another words, he’s not thinking futuristic since our break. Having experienced contact with him again yesterday and today and a level of repair leaves me feeling much calmer. My body was screaming to repair and restore this weekend and I was forced to push it aside. I get completely triggered and distraught when things are completely severed between us. That's honest I'm glad you are not suffering as anxiety feels so awful. And interesting DA reached out after a few days. But you know it is going to likely be a continued dynamic as long as you are in contact - I think is was more he responded to my 4 texts I sent over the weekend. He doesn’t usually stay away more than a few days to a week but I’m always the one to extend the olive branch. I try not to keep score bc with a DA that’s just the way it is. He must’ve been highly deactivated bc he took 3 days to respond after I scared him with my sharing. I get he’s not in a place for a serious relationship- he tells me that much. I’m not sure if he ever will be again- and if he is would he want to try with someone completely new. For now, he only sees me. As much as he’s distrustful of everything, I think I’m in his safety zone for something casual- at a distance. After my prompting, he was getting better at communicating the past few months that he needed some time and not to take it personally instead of just shutting down. He finds it unbelievable that anyone could just respond to his needs. So Friday was def not good for either of us. My anxiety or his avoidance. Yes, I don’t feel I’m suffering anymore so that’s a good thing. 💞 |
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I'm glad you are not suffering as anxiety feels so awful. And interesting DA reached out after a few days. But you know it is going to likely be a continued dynamic as long as you are in contact