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Post by florencefortuna on Apr 2, 2019 3:11:23 GMT
Hey!
I just finished reading Attached (completely blew my mind of course. I now have an entirely new vocabulary/ language to use to describe everything that I couldn't understand or articulate before)...
I got the sense that i'm textbook AP in my romantic relationship (sigh! let the journey begin/continue!) but more on the DA and secure style in friendships.
Based on how attachment styles are supposed to come from your younger years, I assume one style is supposed to fit all aspects of your life (al of your relationships) , but I simply don't feel that way. Can I have both styles, that are directed differently to people who play different roles in my life?
Thanks for your thoughts/wisdom:)
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Post by faithopelove on Apr 2, 2019 3:16:26 GMT
Absolutely!!! I tested high AP in romantic relationships, secure in friendships and highly DA with my parents. I’ve seen it to be true and play out in my actions, choices and relationships over and over again as I look back over the years. Friendships just don’t trigger me.
You’ll have a dominant attachment style in different relationships- friendship, family, romantic, but even then your attachment is fluid and can vary over time and based on the other person’s attachment. For example, I’m AP but if I’m w a partner more AP than me then I’ll become avoidant. I’ve experienced this and the other AP and I never last more than 1-3 dates or a few months with them. I just can’t tolerate it at all. My last ex is a hard core DA and that def is a challenge to manage my AP tendencies.
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Post by lilyg on Apr 2, 2019 9:22:19 GMT
Hey! I just finished reading Attached (completely blew my mind of course. I now have an entirely new vocabulary/ language to use to describe everything that I couldn't understand or articulate before)... I got the sense that i'm textbook AP in my romantic relationship (sigh! let the journey begin/continue!) but more on the DA and secure style in friendships. Based on how attachment styles are supposed to come from your younger years, I assume one style is supposed to fit all aspects of your life (al of your relationships) , but I simply don't feel that way. Can I have both styles, that are directed differently to people who play different roles in my life? Thanks for your thoughts/wisdom:) Yes, and it also depends on the other person you have the relationship with. I'm usually secure in relationships but an avoidant partner makes me anxious. And an anxious friend makes me feel avoidant. We all have a 'default' but it depends on the combination with others and that 'blueprint' we created of our connection with others when we were children. |
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Post by 8675309 on Apr 2, 2019 11:03:48 GMT
Yup, Im secure in romantic/friendships but an avoidant swung me to the AP side and I test in the 2-3% range for anxious... Im more avoidant with family. My avoidance developed more in my tween/teen years.
I can be a bit avoidant with anxious people but I think its more of a natural thing over just attachment. Anxious/clingy/needy people can turn anyone off.
If you took some of the tests you'll see youre a mix but you have a main base. I test heavy secure, a chunk of avoidance and the 2-3% for anxious.
A person or a situation can trigger one of your 'sides' just like they can change from trauma at any time.
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Post by nathan on Apr 4, 2019 7:17:34 GMT
So interesting! For me it seems like I’m AP with romantic, can be secure with friends, and pretty DA with one parent at least. I’m still so young I wonder if there’s more I’m unaware of!
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hola
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by hola on Apr 5, 2019 18:45:10 GMT
Depending on how that relationship triggers you, you can be anxious in one, avoidant in another. So yes, and Even secures can become anxious w/an avoidant. As you go through life and experiences/relationships, you'll ebb and flow.
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Post by leavethelighton on Apr 10, 2019 0:00:08 GMT
Yup, others have said it above, but it can be common to have different styles with friends vs. Family or in response to the styles of others. I think DA or FA and AP are like different sides of a coin as opposed to separate coins. We contain the capacity for all of it. Or at least some people do.
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