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Post by faithopelove on Apr 17, 2019 19:54:15 GMT
I don’t know if anyone saw a few episodes ago of “This is Us,” but I so identified with Randall in the scene when he called his wife’s cell and left a completely over the top and judgmental message.
He assumed she was dodging him by not coming to his work function dinner as promised and further assumed she had turned off her cell when it kept going straight to voicemail. I saw his anxiety and tension mounting as I identified with the anxiety and how he assumed the worst case scenario is his partner.
He finally left an irate message and went in to face the dinner party alone- only to have his wife show up a little while later, apologetic that her cell died and she was stuck in traffic. He was a deer in headlights. I know that regret. That AP moment. He tried to later make up for it to no avail. She felt let down, misjudged and attacked. TV brought to life AP lesson of what NOT to do. It’s a process undoing those assumptions. I hate being that way. I hate having that as my default. I pass some tests, but I still lose too many.
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Post by sissyk on Apr 17, 2019 22:59:02 GMT
Hi FHL! I haven't seen "This is Us" yet....(tho heard it is great!)
But I am struck by your language here: Why do you feel you have to past "tests"? I think you yourself said there should be grace and forgiveness in a healthy relationship. I totally agree.
Perhaps instead the DA has made you feel you can not step on ANY cracks in the sidewalk or you will break your relationship's back. If you are leaping to a worst-case scenario in your interpretations of his text here, a silence there, that may be because you have been badly hurt repeatedly by him. It is not just you spinning wild tales of a good-hearted generous situation.
So I hope you don't globalize this--YOU are this way and it is faulty. This may be a reasonable reaction to a situation you know on some level is unhealthy for you. DA may be a wounded animal but that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your own safety trying to save it.
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Post by faithopelove on Apr 18, 2019 1:52:24 GMT
Hi FHL! I haven't seen "This is Us" yet....(tho heard it is great!) But I am struck by your language here: Why do you feel you have to past "tests"? I think you yourself said there should be grace and forgiveness in a healthy relationship. I totally agree. Perhaps instead the DA has made you feel you can not step on ANY cracks in the sidewalk or you will break your relationship's back. If you are leaping to a worst-case scenario in your interpretations of his text here, a silence there, that may be because you have been badly hurt repeatedly by him. It is not just you spinning wild tales of a good-hearted generous situation. So I hope you don't globalize this--YOU are this way and it is faulty. This may be a reasonable reaction to a situation you know on some level is unhealthy for you. DA may be a wounded animal but that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your own safety trying to save it. - Hey! Oh, this show has excellent writing and actors- you have to check it out! It spins the characters’ stories from past, present and even into the future so you piece it together as you watch...so good!! Yes, I know nothing triggers anxiety like a DA. Don’t I know it!! I think I’m realistic about that. I just also see in myself these old patterns that have always been a struggle- going back to my first boyfriend I wrote about in my diary at 14 years old. 4 months in all the AP tendencies and conflicts started. Yes, I need to give myself grace- the struggle is real though and those automatic reflexes are strong. I feel that internal fight within. Maybe that’s good that I’m even aware of the resistance now to the anxiety bc before it just overtook me. It’s all I knew. I’ll try to focus more on the grace- being softer. Thx, sissyk 🌸 Check out the show! 🙂 |
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Post by leavethelighton on Apr 20, 2019 23:35:17 GMT
Interesting. I had watched that episode but hadn't thought of it as an "AP moment," so this is interesting food for thought.
I do think there are a LOT of characters on that show who have insecure attachment. It's funny, because we're supposed to think their childhood was idyllic (until the fire I guess) but they all have such challenges.
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Post by unluckyinlove on Apr 26, 2019 22:51:46 GMT
I saw that episode and it was a very raw and uncomfortable scene! I remember thinking about attachment wounds as well when I saw it.
@leavethelighton Randall's insecurity probably comes from his natural father and mother essentially abandoning him. Even though he and his father reconnected in adult life, there was still that element of rejection. Now Randall thinks that his wife is abandoning him and what he feels is important to him. It was a trigger!
I love that show. The writers are incredible.
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