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Post by 8675309 on Apr 28, 2019 11:02:35 GMT
If you're 35+ the dating pool is filled with insecure attached and a lot of them are on dating apps/sites so you'll 'attract' more.
Im not a fan of the online/app thing either. Catch 22 as Im busy so its hard to meet people in person. Im not actively dating so Im not on any sites. Not, not dating at all just not seeking it. I have one sniffing around but just not into him. Also his hair, Im just not into long dreads hair at all specially on a 45+ man...
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Post by sissyk on Apr 28, 2019 13:09:25 GMT
I have been online dating on and off for a year. It is not for the squeamish!  There is much baggage behind the smiling fishing photos and fancy restaurant shots. You may have concluded it is not for you and that is totally cool. But you may want to give it a little more time. Know that you have a lot of control--you don't have to reply to anyone. You can only reach out first. You can control the pace of texting and meeting and if they don't like your tempo, next! Ignore or block the chasers. If they have been on there for more than a few days they likely have developed thick skins and will move on to the next prospect. You have no obligation to anyone except to be polite. I am chatting with a guy now who lives a bit too far to quickly meet which is always the best policy--He is a good writer and funny and we have been exchanging one or two getting to know you anecdotes a day like a slow tennis game. I don't feel obligated to reply right away. We all have a life. Your love language guy sounds like he was on the prowl and good riddance. But maybe keep the earlier texts lighter? Sounds like you were discussing attachment types in the first 24 hours. It is likely better to chat about their travel pics or the dog breed in the photo in early goings. I can get a vibe from that convo too. For better or worse, often these convos sputter out. No harm, no foul. I have gotten some good laughs with friends out of some of my dates (the guy who would only Uber places so he could get plastered! The guy who looked like a young James Taylor in his photos who in person looked more like Willie Nelson!) I have met some interesting people as well as my DA friend who brought me here. It has been weirdly enriching. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2019 13:12:38 GMT
If you're 35+ the dating pool is filled with insecure attached and a lot of them are on dating apps/sites so you'll 'attract' more. Im not a fan of the online/app thing either. Catch 22 as Im busy so its hard to meet people in person. Im not actively dating so Im not on any sites. Not, not dating at all just not seeking it. I have one sniffing around but just not into him. Also his hair, Im just not into long dreads hair at all specially on a 45+ man... Dread the dread! hahahah! Yeah, I'm 40+. I'm open to dating but not going to pursue it. I believe that as I take care of the things in my life that present themselves as priorities, and remain emotionally available, the right opportunities will come along. I do have opportunities to meet people, and it's much more natural to encounter someone in real life and then gauge interest, instead of all this sizing up and fantasizing and assuming that people seem to engage in prior to even meeting. It's kooky! At least at my age range. I've deleted my account and won't be doing that again. Not my speed! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2019 13:20:10 GMT
I have been online dating on and off for a year. It is not for the squeamish! There is much baggage behind the smiling fishing photos and fancy restaurant shots. You may have concluded it is not for you and that is totally cool. But you may want to give it a little more time. Know that you have a lot of control--you don't have to reply to anyone. You can only reach out first. You can control the pace of texting and meeting and if they don't like your tempo, next! Ignore or block the chasers. If they have been on there for more than a few days they likely have developed thick skins and will move on to the next prospect. You have no obligation to anyone except to be polite. I am chatting with a guy now who lives a bit too far to quickly meet which is always the best policy--He is a good writer and funny and we have been exchanging one or two getting to know you anecdotes a day like a slow tennis game. I don't feel obligated to reply right away. We all have a life. Your love language guy sounds like he was on the prowl and good riddance. But maybe keep the earlier texts lighter? Sounds like you were discussing attachment types in the first 24 hours. It is likely better to chat about their travel pics or the dog breed in the photo in early goings. I can get a vibe from that convo too. For better or worse, often these convos sputter out. No harm, no foul. I have gotten some good laughs with friends out of some of my dates (the guy who would only Uber places so he could get plastered! The guy who looked like a young James Taylor in his photos who in person looked more like Willie Nelson!) I have met some interesting people as well as my DA friend who brought me here. It has been weirdly enriching. Hahah Yes, I mentioned attachment type to him in kind of a tongue in cheek way because of his third degree approach lol. I kind of was sitting back watching this guy go through his thing and then came here to ask basically if this is normal or perhaps he is AP. It seems only natural to me to keep it light and easy prior to meeting- and I wasn't sure if I was alone in that because the trend with the men I have had contact with is way too eager and involved for me. I'm not motivated enough to bother with it online anymore, it's just a drag for me. It adds negativity to my life that wouldn't exist otherwise, and I really believe that good connections will present themselves in good time just like all the other good relationships I have. |
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Post by sissyk on Apr 28, 2019 13:23:53 GMT
I hear you. I waited cough cough 5 years after my marriage ended to date. I needed the sabbatical:)
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2019 15:44:03 GMT
I hear you. I waited cough cough 5 years after my marriage ended to date. I needed the sabbatical:) Certainly lots to love about single life, hahaha! |
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Post by faithopelove on Apr 28, 2019 23:39:43 GMT
Sounds like too much too fast. I would be turned off and run...and I am AP. Also, the AP love language is touch so another indicator that he’s AP. His neediness would be too much for me esp considering you haven’t even met!! He was over the top, could have even been narcissistic love bombing. I have a difficult time with the online thing, the electronic communication is really a trouble spot. I am reserved in the amount of contact I want to participate in prior to meeting. I try to be polite and courteous and warm enough to show adequate interest in meeting. But I'm not very interested in a person prior to meeting because for all I know they are nothing at all like what they portray on their profile, and anyone can write anything over text, without it being true. I gather nothing of real interest prior to meeting, as it means nothing until I have a live person in front of me to sense and communicate with. The profile and introductory conversations are merely an introduction as I see it! So, anyway, I seem to only attract chasers, and I wonder if it's just me or if it's the way online dating is? I don't want to be pursued prior to even meeting. I am pretty sure that the online dating venue is just a poor fit for me. I would probably trigger even a mildly anxious person because of the impersonal nature of texting and my approach, it's much easier and natural for me to encounter prospective dates in person without this terrible text / call process with random strangers. @sherry - I feel the same way you do about the online dating and I also try to keep the contact minimum until we meet in person and see if there’s real potential. I just can’t waste my time and energy investing in someone I may never meet or like. I also seem to trigger the AP in the guys online- and I am AP! My AP tendencies don’t come out until later, after I’m having real feelings for someone. Some of these men are AP out of the gate- that makes me run. Recently, a guy has been reaching out from online but we have opposite kid weekends and he’s shift work. I don’t see how we could ever get to know each other, let alone have a relationship. I pointed that out to him, but he’s continuing to reach out. The online thing has never panned out for me, but has turned into marriage for some of my friends and brother. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2019 0:17:50 GMT
He was over the top, could have even been narcissistic love bombing. I have a difficult time with the online thing, the electronic communication is really a trouble spot. I am reserved in the amount of contact I want to participate in prior to meeting. I try to be polite and courteous and warm enough to show adequate interest in meeting. But I'm not very interested in a person prior to meeting because for all I know they are nothing at all like what they portray on their profile, and anyone can write anything over text, without it being true. I gather nothing of real interest prior to meeting, as it means nothing until I have a live person in front of me to sense and communicate with. The profile and introductory conversations are merely an introduction as I see it! So, anyway, I seem to only attract chasers, and I wonder if it's just me or if it's the way online dating is? I don't want to be pursued prior to even meeting. I am pretty sure that the online dating venue is just a poor fit for me. I would probably trigger even a mildly anxious person because of the impersonal nature of texting and my approach, it's much easier and natural for me to encounter prospective dates in person without this terrible text / call process with random strangers. @sherry - I feel the same way you do about the online dating and I also try to keep the contact minimum until we meet in person and see if there’s real potential. I just can’t waste my time and energy investing in someone I may never meet or like. I also seem to trigger the AP in the guys online- and I am AP! My AP tendencies don’t come out until later, after I’m having real feelings for someone. Some of these men are AP out of the gate- that makes me run. Recently, a guy has been reaching out from online but we have opposite kid weekends and he’s shift work. I don’t see how we could ever get to know each other, let alone have a relationship. I pointed that out to him, but he’s continuing to reach out. The online thing has never panned out for me, but has turned into marriage for some of my friends and brother. I have increased my capacity for emotional closeness (huge blessing to me!) but the online process really seems to trigger avoidance in me, I ama very reluctant participant but I know how to correspond haha. For the most part. The best process for me is an organic meeting, maybe acquaintances for a while. The online process is tiring for me because it requires real management actually. You have to manage the flow, get the meet out of the way, juggle a few interests, blah blah and it just is so much more pleasant to chuck it and relax hahahaha! So i did. |
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There is much baggage behind the smiling fishing photos and fancy restaurant shots. 