Post by alexandra on Apr 19, 2019 16:46:15 GMT
Helsbells, I'm so sorry, I know how much effort you were putting in to make this work. Both into the relationship and into exploring your own attachment style issues.
You've shared that he wasn't really doing the same, in regards to working on his attachment issues even though he was trying to stay more present in the relationship (with middling success). If two insecurely attached people are putting effort into keeping the relationship but not into their own independent half of healing, then the dynamic, conflict, and stress won't ever change or improve. The key elements at the root of the problem aren't being fixed, so subsequently the relationship can't be.
You should be proud of the work you've done on yourself through this, even if it's not finished yet. And try to go no contact and keep focusing on yourself. Not to hurt him, play games, or get his attention, simply to start to heal from the breakup and continue moving towards healing your attachment injuries. As long as he repeats without doing his own work, what you've seen in these cycles is the best of how it could ever be -- it will never be consistently good or get better, and it will repeat endlessly.
It hurts so much, and I'm sorry for that. But you need to do what's best for you to break the toxic push-pull and get healthier if you don't want to get stuck in the breakup pain. ❤❤
You've shared that he wasn't really doing the same, in regards to working on his attachment issues even though he was trying to stay more present in the relationship (with middling success). If two insecurely attached people are putting effort into keeping the relationship but not into their own independent half of healing, then the dynamic, conflict, and stress won't ever change or improve. The key elements at the root of the problem aren't being fixed, so subsequently the relationship can't be.
You should be proud of the work you've done on yourself through this, even if it's not finished yet. And try to go no contact and keep focusing on yourself. Not to hurt him, play games, or get his attention, simply to start to heal from the breakup and continue moving towards healing your attachment injuries. As long as he repeats without doing his own work, what you've seen in these cycles is the best of how it could ever be -- it will never be consistently good or get better, and it will repeat endlessly.
It hurts so much, and I'm sorry for that. But you need to do what's best for you to break the toxic push-pull and get healthier if you don't want to get stuck in the breakup pain. ❤❤
