Post by unluckyinlove on Apr 28, 2019 0:13:38 GMT
I'm so sorry you are going through this pain. Being 5 months now post final breakup where my FA left/returned to me three times over 6 months.....I remember where I was 6 weeks post BU. The pain is so raw and fresh!
I'm not going to tell you all of the stuff you probably already have seen/heard before....that you have to let him go/accept/move on, that you have to focus on yourself, that you have to heal your own attachment.....I remember where I was at 6 weeks and it's just not what I wanted to hear even if it was correct advice. I just wanted validation...and I needed to know that my EX loved me and that what we had was real. From your description, your EX DOES love you and what you had was real enough for him to feel in serious conflict/confusion. He just told you that he still loved you and described memories you shared together (long walks). It sounds to me that his blocking you isn't as much about him being irritated by you or not having feelings for you. It seems to me that it's more of a move on his part to protect himself from the strong feelings he still has for you. Let him sit with his thoughts and sort it out.
It seems that you both have a bit of co-dependency with each other. He's realizing it and trying to break that by doing what he feels like he has to do to block the temptation. Temptation is temptation because it's appealing. It's what you want even though you know it's not good for you. I know it's hard, but instead of looking at this as rejection (and maybe a little bit of shame as you are probably blaming yourself that it's had to come to this point of "blocking") look at it as this is a man who cares about you so very deeply that he has to put a block in place just to keep himself from the temptation of engaging with you. I think that no contact is the right thing to do for BOTH of you even though your own attachment wounds completely rejects this idea. Continuing contact is only going to keep that wound festering. Wounds don't heal overnight but if properly bandaged, they can begin the process of healing.
I hope that what I have said has given you a bit of that validation and will ease the immediate pain you are dealing with. If this BU is for good, it's a painful process and it TOTALLY sucks....I won't lie. But I promise that 5 months later....although still painful....it does get better. Good luck to you
I'm not going to tell you all of the stuff you probably already have seen/heard before....that you have to let him go/accept/move on, that you have to focus on yourself, that you have to heal your own attachment.....I remember where I was at 6 weeks and it's just not what I wanted to hear even if it was correct advice. I just wanted validation...and I needed to know that my EX loved me and that what we had was real. From your description, your EX DOES love you and what you had was real enough for him to feel in serious conflict/confusion. He just told you that he still loved you and described memories you shared together (long walks). It sounds to me that his blocking you isn't as much about him being irritated by you or not having feelings for you. It seems to me that it's more of a move on his part to protect himself from the strong feelings he still has for you. Let him sit with his thoughts and sort it out.
It seems that you both have a bit of co-dependency with each other. He's realizing it and trying to break that by doing what he feels like he has to do to block the temptation. Temptation is temptation because it's appealing. It's what you want even though you know it's not good for you. I know it's hard, but instead of looking at this as rejection (and maybe a little bit of shame as you are probably blaming yourself that it's had to come to this point of "blocking") look at it as this is a man who cares about you so very deeply that he has to put a block in place just to keep himself from the temptation of engaging with you. I think that no contact is the right thing to do for BOTH of you even though your own attachment wounds completely rejects this idea. Continuing contact is only going to keep that wound festering. Wounds don't heal overnight but if properly bandaged, they can begin the process of healing.
I hope that what I have said has given you a bit of that validation and will ease the immediate pain you are dealing with. If this BU is for good, it's a painful process and it TOTALLY sucks....I won't lie. But I promise that 5 months later....although still painful....it does get better. Good luck to you