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Post by ocarina on May 1, 2019 15:03:20 GMT
I will try to keep this brief ish - so I work for a small company - 11 professional employees and support staff - without going into too much detail we are medical based and the practice gives 24 hour care 7 days a week - it's busy, stressful environment and poor management which makes it worse. It's a profession with an incredibly high drop out rate (in the UK at least) very high suicide rate - high pressure and lots of responsibility.
I have worked there for the last two years after being head hunted by a retiring practice partner (she retired at 50 burnt out). The job description was 3 days a week, no out of hours work, pre booked routine work and whatever else I wanted to pick up along the way. Fast forward two years and there is huge pressure from the new management for me to do out of hours cover - one weekend a month on call 24/7. I have been told that other young employees (I have been qualified for 25 years) are resentful because I don't cover the out of hours rota (I often work 8am to 7pm or more with no lunch breaks built in etc and always have a huge admin backlog. I am the only one with a family - single mother with 4 children at home and even three long days a week is pushing it.
I know the rest of the staff are close to burn out - and I feel a terrible guilt saying no to the constant demands for more work - I almost always end up in the office at weekends mopping up work. I love the clients and have developed the practice considerably in the last two years but can't bear the constant nose to the grindstone, the ethos that unless you're totally exhausted you haven't done enough - the constant pressure to fit more into a day. I am paid by the hour so if I do less I am paid less.
I hate conflict and hate the constant niggling feeling that I am not pulling my weight in the team - when I know I give my job everything and my clients feel the same.
Thoughts anyone? I am finding life stressful at the moment as a result. I feel I am turning into someone who's always moaning about work - but the staff turnover is huge in the practice and it can't only be me. I also hate letting down the others by saying no to the extra work. |
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Post by happyidiot on May 1, 2019 15:58:12 GMT
Can you work on letting go of caring what other people (might) think and of feeling like you need to please others?
Are you financially able to make a bit less money? Or do you feel you have no choice but to accept the long hours in order to make ends meet at your current wage?
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2019 16:16:01 GMT
My experience is, that when you discover your values for what your self care and respect looks like, what you need for health and balance, and what your priorities are as far as the meaning of your life and what you are here to do, you have to learn to let go of other people's opinions about all that.
If guilt is causing some sort of complex in you, then perhaps you can look at old roles and beliefs pinging this negative thinking. I realize that it isn't easy, in the culture of rush to burnout- but we need not cave to that. As for me, my spiritual purpose is to learn to live from a place of wisdom and abundance instead of in the rat race of pathological expectations from society and employers and other people who really aren't models of sane and healthy living. I'm not here to impale myself on the spear of someone else's insanity.
That's what all that toxic burnout is to me- it's insanity and it goes against the principles of a life well lived. I work hard and I support my family, but that means financially and emotionally and spiritually too. I must preserve myself for those aspects of my life, and I can't do that if I am worn down to the bone.
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Post by goldilocks on May 1, 2019 16:29:46 GMT
I will try to keep this brief ish - so I work for a small company - 11 professional employees and support staff - without going into too much detail we are medical based and the practice gives 24 hour care 7 days a week - it's busy, stressful environment and poor management which makes it worse. It's a profession with an incredibly high drop out rate (in the UK at least) very high suicide rate - high pressure and lots of responsibility.
I have worked there for the last two years after being head hunted by a retiring practice partner (she retired at 50 burnt out). The job description was 3 days a week, no out of hours work, pre booked routine work and whatever else I wanted to pick up along the way. Fast forward two years and there is huge pressure from the new management for me to do out of hours cover - one weekend a month on call 24/7. I have been told that other young employees (I have been qualified for 25 years) are resentful because I don't cover the out of hours rota (I often work 8am to 7pm or more with no lunch breaks built in etc and always have a huge admin backlog. I am the only one with a family - single mother with 4 children at home and even three long days a week is pushing it.
I know the rest of the staff are close to burn out - and I feel a terrible guilt saying no to the constant demands for more work - I almost always end up in the office at weekends mopping up work. I love the clients and have developed the practice considerably in the last two years but can't bear the constant nose to the grindstone, the ethos that unless you're totally exhausted you haven't done enough - the constant pressure to fit more into a day. I am paid by the hour so if I do less I am paid less.
I hate conflict and hate the constant niggling feeling that I am not pulling my weight in the team - when I know I give my job everything and my clients feel the same.
Thoughts anyone? I am finding life stressful at the moment as a result. I feel I am turning into someone who's always moaning about work - but the staff turnover is huge in the practice and it can't only be me. I also hate letting down the others by saying no to the extra work. My observation is that you feel guilt saying no to the demands of work, the rest of the staff is close to burn out, there is constant pressure to fit more into a day and there is poor management. I assume that you are a professional nurse or caretaker and not a manager. Your responsibilities include caring for patients during your paid hours. They do not include ensuring other employees are not resentful or are taken back from the brink of burnout. That is the job of your manager. At the moment, the mismanagement seems to be working; 11 employees are guilt tripped into burning themselves out, which is more profitable than hiring 15 employees and treating them humanely. If you pick up the ball that management drops, there is no reason for them to stop overloading the other employees. Or you for that matter. Normal is an honest day of work, not being used up to the point of exhaustion. You should be able to cook dinner and play a board game with your kids after a day of work for example. |
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Post by ocarina on May 1, 2019 20:24:04 GMT
Can you work on letting go of caring what other people (might) think and of feeling like you need to please others? Are you financially able to make a bit less money? Or do you feel you have no choice but to accept the long hours in order to make ends meet at your current wage? I don't really care what the others think - or at least not much, but I do feel guilt that the work I don't do will end up on the shoulders of another overloaded staff member.
Financially I am pretty secure where I am now so no huge need to take on more - I don't do huge expensive family holidays but we live in a beautiful place and have a great quality of life which is so much more important to me than extra money to spend on things we don't really need.
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Post by ocarina on May 1, 2019 20:27:09 GMT
My experience is, that when you discover your values for what your self care and respect looks like, what you need for health and balance, and what your priorities are as far as the meaning of your life and what you are here to do, you have to learn to let go of other people's opinions about all that. If guilt is causing some sort of complex in you, then perhaps you can look at old roles and beliefs pinging this negative thinking. I realize that it isn't easy, in the culture of rush to burnout- but we need not cave to that. As for me, my spiritual purpose is to learn to live from a place of wisdom and abundance instead of in the rat race of pathological expectations from society and employers and other people who really aren't models of sane and healthy living. I'm not here to impale myself on the spear of someone else's insanity. That's what all that toxic burnout is to me- it's insanity and it goes against the principles of a life well lived. I work hard and I support my family, but that means financially and emotionally and spiritually too. I must preserve myself for those aspects of my life, and I can't do that if I am worn down to the bone. I agree it's insanity - but working in an environment where it's the norm it's difficult not to become infected.... I totally agree with everything you have said @sherry - I don't want that kind of life - but I do feel a real guilt at letting down my colleagues and failing to make their life easier because I am looking after myself.
I know it's not healthy to live constantly overstretched but I also notice a guilt that has its origins a long way back, when I am doing nothing or achieving nothing that is bad. Interesting to work with this.
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Post by ocarina on May 1, 2019 20:35:06 GMT
goldilocks I am actually a vet. I am not a partner in the practice because I value my time and sanity over a big paypacket. I also value being able to provide a very good service and high quality of care to my clients (farms not pets). I hugely value animal welfare and see my role as a kind of partnership with my clients rather than a rush in and out problem sorter. I tend to generate work for myself because I do the best job that I can - and clients appreciate this. I put 100% into my working day and can deal with the long hours because I enjoy the work - but I am also a human who requires rest and down time. Someone called me "God Jnr" in the past because I tend to take on everything - but in this job taking on everything has led to more being loaded on me - a seemingly endless vat of things to do which impairs my ability to do the important tasks properly. It is very much the norm in the vet and medic world - but it's incredibly unhealthy - in my mind at least. I am going to be truthful and straightforward with my employers and say no to the extra work - it's really helped to talk it out on here and thank you all for your thought provoking replies. As an avoidant at heart I'd rather email them - but think it would be more helpful for me to arrange to talk face to face - good practice in bringing my truth to the table!
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Post by 8675309 on May 2, 2019 0:52:00 GMT
Seems like you like your work. Have you looked into doing something along the lines and quitting there? I know we all do what we have to do to survive but if there is a possibility to do the same line of work without under staffing problems/BS... All jobs have stuff just some more than others. I have no idea what its like where you are just throwing it out there. haha.
Im all for a job even if its less money that doesn't 'suck your soul'. Funny, my ex couldn't comprehend this working a job he loved his whole life that paid bank. Not all of us are that fortunate, he had tunnel vision. What you wanted to be when you grew up sure can change as you age. Took me until 30's to figure out what I wanted to do! I like so many things! LOL. Its actually a thing in the 30's, you find your groove, change careers, etc. I now make money off a hobby and its glorious.
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2019 13:15:16 GMT
Excellent!
Remember all the great sayings around the word 'NO':
Just say NO.
NO is not a dirty word.
NO way, No how.
Put the NO in NOPE.
😂👍
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Post by sissyk on May 2, 2019 23:07:54 GMT
there is huge pressure from the new management for me to do out of hours cover - one weekend a month on call 24/7. I have been told that other young employees (I have been qualified for 25 years) are resentful because I don't cover the out of hours rota Hi God Jr!  Above seems to be the key piece here--the new management wants you to work more. I assume--though you KNOW I appreciate this is not work that is just about money--that they are trying to maximize profits? Or eek out profit from the employees extra efforts rather than doing additional marketing or through other more creative routes? This is not your problem. Did the young employees tell you that directly? Or is this the new management using that into guilting you into working more? You have paid your dues over many long years and you get to call the shots at this point in your career. You are skilled and valuable and you get to be paid as such with no apologies. When the younger vets have worked as hard as you have and become as skilled as you, they should expect that to. Can you be direct about that with them? While it might not make an immediate impact, you can model how they should expect to be treated as a professional .... While I am not woo-woo, I do believe if you keep doing one on one excellent work with the animals and clients, this will sort itself out for you.
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Post by ocarina on May 3, 2019 21:20:10 GMT
God Jnr here.... I did it! Blunt and honest talk with one of the partners (I made an appointment). I said I had no more to give and if I tried to fit in more out of hours etc it would be at the detriment of myself my family and my clients. It was fine!!!! They clearly don't want to lose me, were totally understanding and no drama. So all the stress and worry I created for myself around this issue evaporated in one moment. I've also had a week of really really appreciative clients - I work hard 8am - 7pm yesterday with lunch on the go - so I genuinely don't think there's anything I need to feel guilty about here and sissyk I think you're right in terms of doing your best and allowing karma or whatever to work its' magic. I won't change the practice but I can keep to my side of the fence, stick up for myself when I need to and continue to give my best. So thanks everyone for the reminders. One of my friends suggested prior to the meeting I stand in superwoman pose for a bit to build self confidence!!! Didn't get a chance since it might have looked a bit strange in the office - but like the idea. I need to keep up with this kind of openness in relationships too - my ex and I kind of skirt around issues and feelings - he told my yesterday it was because of fear - but fear that is unfounded but ends up controlling behaviours and I feel the same. It's not that difficult and it is freeing - so it's my work for the moment - to practice openness and honesty even if it means taking risks and being vulnerable. |
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2019 21:40:53 GMT
ocarina, that kind of openness in relationships will free you so much. I have come to the point is being able to initiate, share fear, share affection, say 'I love you", express my needs, even just my wishes and wonderings. Once this becomes a new normal, you won't know what took you so long! But it's a process. It takes what it takes 
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Post by sissyk on May 4, 2019 10:49:03 GMT
Ocarina...Bravo! That is so excellent!
Being direct is like a superpower!
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Post by ocarina on May 4, 2019 20:37:52 GMT
It's really tricky when a behaviour is so habitual that it has become part of who you are - so it's hard to even notice the avoidance. I've pushed myself a bit today - making a tricky phonecall to a client that I would rather have put off, sending an email that I know won't be well received. I think I've made a career in the avoidance of conflict and of messy emotions so it really is one little step at a time.
I have noticed especially at work that I had been a bit walled off to my colleagues - and after the discussion with the boss I felt more open, more able to communicate and more connected. I also went out with my ex partner for dinner and we both talked about this kind of avoidance - about how it ALL stems from some kind of fear - usually of something that won't even happen, but it controls our lives and we end up trapped in a kind of web of avoidance. He and I are very similar (in some ways) so it's interesting to have someone to bounce this kind of thing off who actually relates to it and is working on it too.
I guess practice in small ways is the key here - as well as noticing when I am beginning not to be authentic and going into keep the peace mode. I need to step up the self care too - when life is busy it's tricky but I feel so much better when I meditate and do yoga in the mornings. Easier said than done in a house full of children, but where there's a will.....
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