Have you given Up ?

There are two basic forces in the world.
One is Love. Also called "The Good". One of the many faces of love is trust.

When we trust and we are confident, we feel protected and we feel safe - and that makes us brave so that we dare to make big decisions in life. We lean into a knowledge, that if we fall, then someone has tied a safety net under us. We have a fundamental sense of being worthy of experiencing good things - and we actually expect it. In my terminology I call it living from a high vibration. Love is the highest feeling, condition if you want, we can live our life from.
We may at times have an experience that love is gone, that life does not catch us if we fall. But in reality, love is not gone. It is the only constant thing that exists. It is our confidence in love that makes us feel despair. It is so to say the xx (I forgot the right word) that removes us from love, not the other way around. But as we experience ourselves as the center of the universe, we believe that it is love that disappears from our lives, when we experience violent things.
But at any time we can choose whether we want to be trusting. No matter how much adversity we think life discovers, we always have the choice to be confident - or the opposite: fearful.
If we insist on choosing to be trusting, even if we have experienced something, that makes us uncertain, maybe even something that has traumatized us, then we WILL land on our feet again. We can learn to choose our feelings. Or - I'd rather say it this way: we can learn to take care of our motley feelings as if they were little troubled children. And then see what happens! Then they soften and stops screaming and screaming.
So you might be tempted to ask: Is there an adult present?
Is there an inner adult in you, who will kindly take care of all the fearful, troubled inner children, as these feelings are basically - and give them some care, comfort and ... love?
But what happens then if there is NOT an adult present?
What happens if these scared emotions do not get the portion of love they really need? What happens when a child is allowed to scream and no adults take care of it?
Then the child gives up.
The child abandons having its needs met. The child gives up fighting. It gives confidence in a child, that it knows that is useful to express its needs. But it gives up the idea, that it deserves love and care.

And on a deep level, the child decides to NEVER try to expect anything again. Or express needs. In some cases, it almost coincides with having any needs at all. It closes itself off.

As I write this, I can actually physically feel this deep grief that lies behind this abandonment with the child. I feel it as a knot in the solar plexus, heaviness in the chest, lump in the throat ...
And it is too violent for the child to feel so strong a grief - and also the anxiety not being able to survive, as abandonment is also basically associated with survivel. As children, our survival is indeed threatened if there is no one to take care of our needs.

Abandonment is therefore also a biological process in which the body prepares to die. To save resources, the system turns down the energy of life. The parasympathetic nervous system takes over and makes us apathetic and absent. The trauma has got stuck inside of us and it makes us less able to take in love. Not because it is not there, but because we have abandoned it. When we shut down to feel the grief and fear, we have also shut down to feel love.
When we cannot feel love, it is hard to believe in it. Then we believe more in the opposite of love, the fear, because it is deeper in us than love. We can say, that we have been coded to fear rather than to love. But then there is a need to install a good virus program if we have to experience love again, so that we can really feel it.

And how do you know if you have abandoned love, you might ask?
Ask yourself the following questions one at a time and notice the immediate response and sensations that comes in the body. Please write them down. Here are the questions:

Do I believe there is a man / woman who can love me unconditionally as I am?
Do I believe I can find someone I want to share life with?
Do I deserve to be happy?
Have I abandoned love?
Do I want to experience more love in my life?

If you answer no to the first two, and yes to the last 3 questions, then there is still hope, and maybe you can have some more work to do before you can move on ♥️