Post by Hellomyfriend01 on Jul 23, 2019 16:46:23 GMT
Hi I’m new here I just wondered if anyone that experiences anxious preoccupied attachment issues has ever experienced this not just in romantic relationships but in friendships or motherly figures? Also has anyone ever been so overbearing in their behaviours due to these issues that they have ever lost these figures from their life and how they coped with this? Thank you Lottie01
I have AP and it doesn't just affect my relationships. I think it affects mostly my personal close relationships.
Most of my friendships are with secure people. So it doesn't really affect that.
I think, my behaviour affected my ex who was a high functioning DA which made my AP behaviour go into complete overdrive. It's kinda made him withdrawal further which has resulted my anxiety to increase. This was a few months ago. It was a toxic dance. since he is avoidant and I am anxious preoccupied we might trigger each other even more, because the more he withdraws the more anxious I get and want to try to talk to him and this causes him to withdraw even more!
I am now in the process of seeking therapy to help me to deal with this. A lot of my issues stems from my childhood.
At this moment in my life, I refuse to get into any relationship until I address my issues.
Post by Hellomyfriend01 on Jul 23, 2019 17:16:55 GMT
Thank you for replying, a lot of the relationships it effects in my life are motherly figures to be honest they have fantastic boundaries and don’t put up with my clingy and needy behaviour when activated and tend to distance because it’s not helpful to arty on the toxic dance until I have self soothed and feel better. But recently I feel I have pushed it too far and not sure they will come back and it’s breaking my heart, making me very anxious. Thank you for your support
I'm sure as you are aware, some AP behaviour can be overwhelming for the AP and for others.
I think, what helps is knowing your triggers and being able to manage it. It's not easy.
In the past, where my ex DA went into shutdown mode, this increased my anxiety massively. To the point, where I was ringing and texting just to get a response. It's bad and I became aware that my behaviour was just pushing him away further.
I am fully aware of that and trying to head towards becoming secure. I am working on getting better and learning more about myself along the way to change.
Post by Hellomyfriend01 on Jul 24, 2019 7:57:41 GMT
This makes sense and I can relate to most of it. Have you ever lost anyone perminantly out of your life due to your attachment style and the behaviours attached to it? You do not have to answer this if you don’t feel able to obviously! X