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Post by alexandra on Aug 20, 2019 21:21:21 GMT
(Also, for additional context so his message doesn't get lost, the speaker is a former FA turned earned secure. But more importantly, when he talks about his thoughts on former partners in the middle of this podcast -- it's buried in all his content, but he has spoken at length elsewhere about how he earned secure through tons of self-work, therapy, then being interested and self-motivated enough to get a formal education in psychology. His former partners were never able to get through to him, but the timing of his self-work overlapped with his now wife's work to overcome her own AP. Prior to that, they were stuck in an anxious-avoidant dance and he broke up with her twice. His ability to realize what they had, go back to her, and decide to make things work was because of him going through his own process / therapy and the timing of that coinciding with her going through her own process, and so becoming more secure and ready to make it work as well.)
Edit: here's a link straight to the same info on YouTube: youtu.be/AcI_XmpYoI8 |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2019 22:07:03 GMT
I can't listen to the podcast, but walking on eggshells is something only insecure people do- others don't make them do it. If a person won't raise a topic because it might upset the apple cart, that's theirs to work out. To me, it comes down to authenticity and emotional availability in the self, knowing your boundaries and being able and willing to enforce them, and not allowing another person's insecurity or emotional unavailability to be the excuse for not expressing yourself . That is just my take.
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Post by alexandra on Aug 20, 2019 22:09:14 GMT
@sherry, yes, that's exactly what he's saying! He gives all perspectives, though. Provoking the listener to think about their side, explaining how he felt when he'd do it to others when he was insecure and how he eventually realized how unhealthy it is. Good stuff.
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Post by alexandra on Aug 20, 2019 22:10:40 GMT
I didn't want that message to be lost in his little tangent about what he thought he maybe wanted from his partners when he was insecure, which he later realized was all projection anyway.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2019 22:19:36 GMT
@sherry, yes, that's exactly what he's saying! He gives all perspectives, though. Provoking the listener to think about their side, explaining how he felt when he'd do it to others when he was insecure and how he eventually realized how unhealthy it is. Good stuff. One of the best things I have mastered is speaking for myself and letting the other person do what they want to with that. It goes both ways, all insecures hold back. I value myself and my feelings and needs to be able to stand for them. Finally! |
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