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Post by serenity on Sept 19, 2019 5:39:45 GMT
Hi Violets! And Hi iz42 as well !!. Sending you both hugs and good wishes <3 Violets, I wish you so much luck this week, and hope that the two EMDR sessions help break the Loop. 6 months is a very long time to feel stuck in grief, no wonder you felt frustrated enough to do anything to escape  I was wondering, if you don't mind me asking, why do you feel your mind gets stuck thinking of the positive things only? Is it because the bad things he did were so very awful and its hard to think about? Or some other reason? |
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Post by kisstheviolets on Sept 19, 2019 16:09:50 GMT
Hi Violets! And Hi iz42 as well !!. Sending you both hugs and good wishes <3 Violets, I wish you so much luck this week, and hope that the two EMDR sessions help break the Loop. 6 months is a very long time to feel stuck in grief, no wonder you felt frustrated enough to do anything to escape I was wondering, if you don't mind me asking, why do you feel your mind gets stuck thinking of the positive things only? Is it because the bad things he did were so very awful and its hard to think about? Or some other reason? Awe you are such a sweetie!!! My loop is missing him. To me he is the most beautiful and wonderful person in the world. I think about some of the things that he did that hurt me and how much I wish he could have loved me. I also think of my behavior with the messaging, especially the last time that caused him to block me when I told him I hated him and lots of other really hateful things. I think about the things he would do that were for me only like hanging up my art or following me on Pinterest, cooking for me, all the hearts on Facebook. Basically all the crumbs right?!!!!! I am so tired of it:( |
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Post by serenity on Sept 19, 2019 17:19:00 GMT
Honey, He did love you, and of course you miss his love. But he is an unstable person with poor character, and that's not your fault. He didn't block you because of a fight, he blocked you to avoid accountability for the really shitty way he treated you and your baby. And because you challenged his `invented narrative' about these past 2 years with you. If he really was wonderful, he wouldn't have skipped out on his pregnant girlfriend, he wouldn't have cheated multiple times, he wouldn't be inventing stories in his head that re write history.
Meeting and dating new men in these situations really does help to give perspective. Do you feel that there are any obstacles at the moment that could prevent you from some platonic dating, at least? Just to get in the company of different types of guys?
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Post by kisstheviolets on Sept 20, 2019 18:39:17 GMT
Honey, He did love you, and of course you miss his love. But he is an unstable person with poor character, and that's not your fault. He didn't block you because of a fight, he blocked you to avoid accountability for the really shitty way he treated you and your baby. And because you challenged his `invented narrative' about these past 2 years with you. If he really was wonderful, he wouldn't have skipped out on his pregnant girlfriend, he wouldn't have cheated multiple times, he wouldn't be inventing stories in his head that re write history. Meeting and dating new men in these situations really does help to give perspective. Do you feel that there are any obstacles at the moment that could prevent you from some platonic dating, at least? Just to get in the company of different types of guys? Can I just come to your house and have tea with you?! You are such a comforting presence and so thoughtful. So many obstacles! To be honest with you, I really do not see me shooting for a relationship ever again. In this time to reflect I see my life very different. I see myself working on my FA to improve my relationships with women, because they are the ones that are always there. I see myself working on my self love and confidence very aggressively. I see myself striving for future goals as an entrepreneur. I see myself adopting and having a damn good life. I have it all, really I do. So much to be grateful for. I want for nothing and I am kind and generous and smart and fun. I really am so much more to lower my worth for someone like J. I am afraid though, I will do it again. I know I will. I think the best I can hope for is awareness and maybe working towards being less avoidant with my girlfriends but I honestly can not see me ever being able to handle a healthy relationship. Do you think he will ever one day acknowledge just how awful he was to me in the end? |
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Post by serenity on Sept 20, 2019 23:41:34 GMT
<3 Violets. Yes, it would be wonderful to have tea and good conversation together  I think I may live on the other side of the globe tho. I'll send the leer jet for you once I'm massively successful and loaded. I hear you about your feelings about relationships. I couldn't imagine dating a stranger after this last relationship, unless it was completely understood by both parties it was just for company and conversation. I will really need to observe and know men for a long time before getting involved. Regarding your ex, i wouldn't imagine he'd ever be honorable enough to contact you and sincerely acknowledge his remorse. You would likely have to court him as a friend at some point in the future, to get that out of him. But is it worth it? |
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Post by kisstheviolets on Sept 25, 2019 14:59:52 GMT
Hi!!!! Serenity that is so true! Attachment issues aside, I think he is just a jerk really. All he had to do is sit me down and ask me how I felt and what I wanted. He could have just told me each time he began to be interested in someone else. He could have picked up the phone and called to check on me after the abortion. He did none of those things.
I did send a letter with a very heartfelt and sincere apology for my words and texts.
So last night I sat down and read and realized I hadn't thought about him! Today I have thought several times lately not that I am missing out on all his awesome uniqueness but how damn better off I am to not be involved with someone who used me and placed no value on what I bring to the table. He was so reckless with my heart.
I am actually a powerhouse of a woman. He would have been so lucky. I don't care what issues I have.
My doctor who reworked my medicines, this is all she does. All behavioral health medicine centered. She put me on Lamotrigine and increased the dosage to 100 mg. She PROMISED me that in 6 weeks or so I would feel less obsessive and have less intrusive thinking. I also am on Prozac and Wellbutrin. I feel like it has helped for sure.
And no he is not and never was my friend. A friend would not have done this.
You ladies are the best. All my hugs!
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Post by kisstheviolets on Sept 25, 2019 15:01:26 GMT
Also Serenity, I am huge into genealogy and plan to make a trip to Northern Ireland the first of the year because I honestly can NOT understand a dang word said to me when I call libraries and record holdings. Where is home for you?
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I think I may live on the other side of the globe tho. I'll send the leer jet for you once I'm massively successful and loaded.