Post by eternalsunshine on Sept 27, 2019 23:39:34 GMT
Hi all, I’m newer here and it’s been really helpful to read through these posts. I just lost a friendship and the start of a romance with an avoidant type but I’m not sure whether he is more FA or DA.
I keep wanting to contact him to apologize because from what I keep reading on here, I was pushing all of his buttons without being aware of how badly.
For example, we got way too close and spent too much time together in the first week of dating and I didn’t hesitate to express my care and strong feelings for him. I told him how wonderful and inspiring I thought he was.
We were friends for 2 years before we tried dating but we couldn’t even make it 2 weeks together romantically without deactivating because of the closeness too soon. When he told me he was depressed in the second week I asked him what his boundaries were surrounding texting and he just said that he liked texting me but that he doesn’t initiate contact very often. So I initiated once a day that week, which I now realize probably set him off even more after needing space from the closeness. He tried to be kind about it but as soon as I felt him deactivating I panicked and sent him messages.
Then when I finally spoke with him a few days lateron the phone he said he just didn’t feel like he could be in a relationship with anyone, he’s having issues with alcohol and that I’m not the one for him. He also said that he knows my feelings are way stronger for him than his are for me. It hurt so badly and in that conversation I felt that it would be difficult for us to remain friends because I had been in love with him for the two years we were friends. I told him this and that I would need no contact to get over him. He started to cry and was very upset but said he understood. I started to cry and said I’d never forget him and that I would miss him. He said he would miss me more than I’ll ever know and that he couldn’t express his true feelings.
Afterwards, a week later I regretted losing the friendship. I emailed him to apologize for saying that I never wanted to see him again and that if he ever wanted to resume a friendship later in time that I wanted that. I also said I understood if it hurt him so much that he didn’t want to. He said thank you for emailing him and that it had been hurtful that I asked him not to contact me but that he understood.
He said nothing about the friendship resuming but that I didn’t need to feel badly anymore. He told me to take care and that was it. Before we became friends two years ago we had known one another for about 10 years. We were in a college program for one year together but always were just aquintances.
I feel a deep loss, as I’m learning is possibly deeper feeling for APs, and I feel angry at myself for pushing and wanting more than he could give. He told me that he isn’t well and it’s not my fault. But I feel like a failure and I miss my friend. For a week I cried every day. We shared similar interests and I loved conversing with him. I know I just need to move on and I am trying. I am so sad about this and I’m glad that I could share this here.
I keep wanting to contact him to apologize because from what I keep reading on here, I was pushing all of his buttons without being aware of how badly.
For example, we got way too close and spent too much time together in the first week of dating and I didn’t hesitate to express my care and strong feelings for him. I told him how wonderful and inspiring I thought he was.
We were friends for 2 years before we tried dating but we couldn’t even make it 2 weeks together romantically without deactivating because of the closeness too soon. When he told me he was depressed in the second week I asked him what his boundaries were surrounding texting and he just said that he liked texting me but that he doesn’t initiate contact very often. So I initiated once a day that week, which I now realize probably set him off even more after needing space from the closeness. He tried to be kind about it but as soon as I felt him deactivating I panicked and sent him messages.
Then when I finally spoke with him a few days lateron the phone he said he just didn’t feel like he could be in a relationship with anyone, he’s having issues with alcohol and that I’m not the one for him. He also said that he knows my feelings are way stronger for him than his are for me. It hurt so badly and in that conversation I felt that it would be difficult for us to remain friends because I had been in love with him for the two years we were friends. I told him this and that I would need no contact to get over him. He started to cry and was very upset but said he understood. I started to cry and said I’d never forget him and that I would miss him. He said he would miss me more than I’ll ever know and that he couldn’t express his true feelings.
Afterwards, a week later I regretted losing the friendship. I emailed him to apologize for saying that I never wanted to see him again and that if he ever wanted to resume a friendship later in time that I wanted that. I also said I understood if it hurt him so much that he didn’t want to. He said thank you for emailing him and that it had been hurtful that I asked him not to contact me but that he understood.
He said nothing about the friendship resuming but that I didn’t need to feel badly anymore. He told me to take care and that was it. Before we became friends two years ago we had known one another for about 10 years. We were in a college program for one year together but always were just aquintances.
I feel a deep loss, as I’m learning is possibly deeper feeling for APs, and I feel angry at myself for pushing and wanting more than he could give. He told me that he isn’t well and it’s not my fault. But I feel like a failure and I miss my friend. For a week I cried every day. We shared similar interests and I loved conversing with him. I know I just need to move on and I am trying. I am so sad about this and I’m glad that I could share this here.
A secure would feel this loss very much too. My FA hurt me deeply and Im a secure with a chunk of DA. Feel and work through it is all you can do.