Why him?

I disagree. Being awesome has nothing to do with whether or not someone should date and the choice not to date doesn't reflect a lack of awesomeness. If dating is constantly either triggering or unfulfilling / frustrating, then there's personal stuff going on that should be attended to first if there's hope of both attracting and having the capacity to receive a good partner. There's nothing wrong with taking a break to focus on getting things right within yourself, as long as not dating isn't a fear-driven excuse to stay disconnected and hide from vulnerability.

I kept dating and dating for so many years, and I never trusted my ability to choose a good partner (and in practice, I never did choose a good partner either!) until I took a long break to work out my insecurity and emotional trauma issues. I'd taken breaks before and was single for long periods of time, too, but those were fear-based and repetitive and I hadn't learned enough and was still running in my AP hamster wheel. I was tired of being hurt deeply and would basically hide out until I felt enough sparks to overcome the fear, and then rinse and repeat because my sparks were with avoidants and I couldn't figure out what was going on.

You don't have to be perfectly healed to start dating again if you wish for companionship, but I do think there's a baseline level of healing you at least have to get started on first if you habitually sabotage all your romantic relationships (whether through lack of your own availability or through choosing partners who are a bad fit).

Yes, but again, there's a difference between being single and spinning, and making core progress and changes. Hannah has been recently uncovering new connections in therapy and is just starting to incorporate it into making changes in her life, and tnr9 just started somatic therapy and is making more progress in getting unstuck. I think they're both in very good places right now in their process and starting to make progress and have new epiphanies in untangling attachment through the newer focus on self. But these things take time to really understand, heal, change, and stick. I care about them and their efforts, not about whether or not their ex partners have found companionship elsewhere over the same time period. It's also a lot to assume former partners who haven't healed are enjoying those "benefits."

If they meet good prospects on the way, that's great too. But there's something to be said for not actively looking when you're devoting a lot of energy to self-work if dating is majority of the time triggering and distracting from it.

Good work Alexandra!! Thanks for mentioning the time frame too. I agree thats where you want to get.. to that place of having the strength to walk away from bad situations. Its tough.