Why him?

Triggered by what ?
Because you haven't set up a new date ?
Because he is acting mature and respectful ?
You can be in doubt - an old defence mechanism to keep you safe from being hurt ?
Ect.

hannah99, often triggers happen because the person reminds you of someone or something or some feeling from earlier in your life, and whatever you're being reminded of is unresolved. So your nervous system is overwhelmed and sees an opportunity to maybe fix what happened before by playing things out differently / better with this familiar situation but new person. It's on a more instinctual level and not always obvious, even may just feel like attraction and sparks (or shut down avoidance to protect yourself from feeling some way), so you may need to sit with it and really think about what's triggering you (the questions anne asked).

As an example, a poster on this board used to chase unavailable men. It turned out, her father had left her and her mom (and maybe full siblings? I don't quite remember), and had a second family. So she perceived she was constantly rejected by her dad in favor of her half-siblings and wanted someone challenging to choose her. If she could win over a man's love who hadn't initially chosen her, it could help her heal from her father's perceived rejection in favor of other "better" children (who I'm sure were neither better nor treated very well by their father, even if he was physically present for them and not for the poster). But, she really hoped it would prove she had value that she hadn't believed she had due to the painful and repetitive childhood rejection.

I don't know your background, but you may be attracted to inconsistency because it feels familiar. The question might be, how did similar inconsistency earlier in your life truly make you feel as a child, and what unfulfilled need are you trying to get filled by men who trigger you now?

You are not writing about what happend and you are not answering my questions.
Did you setup a new date ?
How many times have you met until now ?
Are you triggered "just" because he canceled one date ?

A man who is acting respectfull, is warm and have had a good reason to cancel your date could be worth further investigation.

You can be in doubt when the other person becomes available ? How can you know yet if this guy is available or not available to you yet ?

Recieving love With a partner Who is  available, warm  ect. can be triggering for the ambivalent - thats when the fear of abandonment comes up. And you will get challenged in your cabebilitty to stay precent when you receive love. You can then end it before it even begins.

Look in the dating thread in the general forum - there are some exercises and tips for the ambivalent.

jebkinnison.boards.net/thread/1927/dating-tips-attatchment-styles-phases

What can you do to become proactive ?
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1198/proactive-get-negativity-victim-role

Depending what you have agreed on:

If you are interested after 1st date:
Send a text message:
"Hi xxx, I really enjoyed your company and I am looking forward to getting to know you better."
Make it short, No questions but come up with a statement. The other can't say no to a statement.
When you make a statement, the other one cannot reject you. Then you do not feel rejected if the other is not interested.

If the other does not respond quickly, it may be difficult for the ambivalent or disorganized to wait.
Give IT time. At least one week. There can be many reasons why the other one does not respond immediately.

If there is no answer after 1 week, close the contact. Write or call:
"Since I haven't heard from you, I expect you are not interested in meeting again. Good luck finding a partner."
Otherwide the energy is hanging in the air.
Then you get the energy back to you.
Then the other can also return to you if the person has a good reason for not responding ealier.
Even if you are a woman, you can send a message, as it is just a statement.
If you are ambivalent, only send the message, if you can wait up to a week before getting and answar back. The ambivalent can have a pattern to reash out, reach out and reach out again and again to get back in contact. From the time you sent a message, your nervous system may be activated until you receive a message back. This also applies if you have disorganized affiliation . so Be aware of this.

I seem to be attracted to the idea of 'fixing' men. I wonder if it is because of my motheres mental health problems.

I liked him the moment I saw him because he was a 'type' physically I have liked before and had doomee relationships with.

He cancelled well in advance, with good reason and apologised. No reschedule.

I think you're right. It's all about being clear and honest with what I want. I haven't done that entirely but it will weed out the dismissives and stop this constant uncertainty.

I don't think I'm ready to date. I messaged him yesterday to ask how he was doing and he didnt reply. My mind seems to flip flop between being scared he isn't interested and wanting to run and being calm and relaxed. Just because I didnt get triggered by the other guys doesnt mean I'm secure. Although there is improvement, I haven't acted out in my usual ap ways, I'm not ready.

Yeah perhaps. But my self esteem is quite fragile. A guy messaged me the other day and I didnt reply because I couldn't understand why such an attractive guy was interested in me.

No, friends of friends or people I've met out. Don't like tinder.