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Post by tnr9 on Oct 31, 2019 13:38:19 GMT
From time to time I tap into the rage that is so unacceptable by me to express...so unacceptable in fact that I cry the moment I speak to it...as if I will be judged and found unworthy...by my mom, by God...by whoever I am afraid will judge me.
Already the moment of anger that I was going to speak regarding B has passed and is replaced by pure sadness, what ifs, self judgement, feelings of lacking...as if I never deserved B because there is something wrong about me. That whoever this new girl is is more favored by God and as such...she wins the prize...yeh...I have regressed...a lot. Just trying to stay present to but not get sucked into the moment.
My throat feels so tight...my jaw feels so tight...I feel like I am being chocked...unable to speak.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2019 19:01:15 GMT
Honestly I just had a powerful experience in SE with the fight response of anger- it's vital to allow it and let your therapist work you through it. Are you able to have time with her soon? I'm not trying to tell you what to do I just see things from inside this SE process and I'm really wanting to encourage you to keep going and let someone help you see the beauty and intelligence of a self protective response. Anger actually isn't all destructive- It is an instinct that preserves your life. So in a way, it loves and protects you. SE therapists are the only ones I have seen with such a wise and competent approach to instinct.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2019 19:02:32 GMT
Anger can be the genesis of some awesome boundaries.
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Post by iz42 on Nov 1, 2019 1:50:17 GMT
I don't think recovery from these kinds of attachment issues are ever linear. I wouldn't say that you've regressed, only that you're sorting through different emotions. I bet the anger will resurface.
I thought I was over the jealousy aspect of things with my ex but today I was feeling upset that she has already met his family. In the 3ish years we dated I never met his mom or sisters, and I still feel resentful about that. I don't understand. And sometimes I still miss him. These feelings come in waves.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2019 13:09:29 GMT
tnr9 , have you been able to complete any of these responses with your SE therapist? I've had some profound experiences with it, and what's incredible to me is the amount of information I get from my psyche each time. The body KNOWS. I think that a natural outcome of this entire process is an integrated, attuned sense of self, with deep respect and self acceptance and care. Also, I find it very interesting that for the first time in a very very very long time I am experiencing vivid dreams, which are accurately and strongly symbolic in nature. It's actually the dreams that are sometimes a starting point for the work, because I've been having somatic feelings during the dreams. We are in the process of bringing my nervous system out of a chronic freeze state, and it's working. Some of it is very uncomfortable as I experience long held pain. But overall it's been a remarkable shift in the last few months. If you'd ever like to share privately some of your experiences that would be enjoyable to me, but it not that's ok too! The somatic resolution I have in session is too personal for me to share here especially with people who don't have experience with the process. I've been sharing it with people close to me and it seems to really enliven the learning behind it all. The learning is, to be my natural healthy and protected but open and connected self. I really am thankful for this experience!
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