Post by luna on Jul 28, 2017 20:14:09 GMT
I'm anxious - preoccupied and the older I'm, the more problems I have in my close relationships.
My first boyfriend was "secure type" (I'm sure about that, because of his behavior) but after 2,5 years of good relationship he disappeared, because he had some problems at work. I began to chase him, mail him and calli him. Simply: I wasn't able to give him enough space that he needed (which I realized few years later). When he wanted to come back to me, I had already a relationship with other secure type man, but he broke my trust by posting an add on the dating page (he said it was just for fun...).
After that, I was in a relationship with probably anxious-preoccupied and it was the worst relationship I ever had. I felt suffocated, because he was too clingy, he was manipulative and hysteric.
Now I'm in a relationship with dismissive-avoidant and although I love him so much, the relationship is like a rollercoaster for me. I constantly reach the bottom of my fear. I got used to the fact that he is not so communicative like my ex-partners, sometimes he replies the email after a day or so etc. He is somehow still keeping distance between us, and when I show up more detached, he is more attentive and caring. I'm tired of this strange dynamic, but I know that I'm making many mistakes too. When he couldn't Skype with me at time we agreed, I was terrified to death and my mind started inventing some absurd scenarios (while my sister, who is secure type, told me: "he's probably busy or there is no internet connection." And she was right, he had to go to work and he forgot to email me).
Well, that's a short story of my relationships. And I would like to ask you all: are there some tips, exercises, anything to change my type and to be more secure? I don't want to be anxious-preoccupied anymore, because it paralyzes me and it prevents me from living happy and normal life.
My first boyfriend was "secure type" (I'm sure about that, because of his behavior) but after 2,5 years of good relationship he disappeared, because he had some problems at work. I began to chase him, mail him and calli him. Simply: I wasn't able to give him enough space that he needed (which I realized few years later). When he wanted to come back to me, I had already a relationship with other secure type man, but he broke my trust by posting an add on the dating page (he said it was just for fun...).
After that, I was in a relationship with probably anxious-preoccupied and it was the worst relationship I ever had. I felt suffocated, because he was too clingy, he was manipulative and hysteric.
Now I'm in a relationship with dismissive-avoidant and although I love him so much, the relationship is like a rollercoaster for me. I constantly reach the bottom of my fear. I got used to the fact that he is not so communicative like my ex-partners, sometimes he replies the email after a day or so etc. He is somehow still keeping distance between us, and when I show up more detached, he is more attentive and caring. I'm tired of this strange dynamic, but I know that I'm making many mistakes too. When he couldn't Skype with me at time we agreed, I was terrified to death and my mind started inventing some absurd scenarios (while my sister, who is secure type, told me: "he's probably busy or there is no internet connection." And she was right, he had to go to work and he forgot to email me).
Well, that's a short story of my relationships. And I would like to ask you all: are there some tips, exercises, anything to change my type and to be more secure? I don't want to be anxious-preoccupied anymore, because it paralyzes me and it prevents me from living happy and normal life.
