HSP and attatchmentstyles, males/females

Her articles are very helpful to me, she has one about grief that I have to read again because it's got so much importance for me and it pains me to read it slowly.

Understanding HSP and how it drives us each more into our attachment helps explain how I just got more and more avoidant in my life circumstances

I used to think that HSP was only anxious! It seems to make the most sense. But HSP can make an avoidant like a slug shrinking from salt - anything that gets too close is salt.

The highly sensitive child:

The Highly Sensitive Child with Dr. Ted Zeff:
www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=tJ6pdmmMwuI -

www.mother.ly/child/a-letter-to-my-sensitive-child

Sensitivity is not so easily come by these days, yet I see it emanating from your tiny spirit. There are so many unique things about you that will help you experience life so completely—you’ll embrace each day with fervor and absorb beauty like spring bud yearning for rain.

But your sensitivity will be a burden for you as well. Sometimes the rain will be too much for your little heart to bear, and you will feel inundated by this life.

Sometimes, it will be so good. And sometimes, it will be really hard.

You notice everything.
Nothing escapes you. You pick up on subtle, minute details that others miss. You point out the coloring on a caterpillar’s body that I would for sure not have noticed. You can look at a child across the playground and tell that she feels lonely (and then go over and start playing with her). You find beauty in everything.

Your attention to detail will be an invaluable skill, and you will make observations that manifest in groundbreaking outcomes.

But sometimes, this will be your burden.

Your brain is absorbing so much information, and you get tired easily. Other kids can go through their day with stamina, but you get overwhelmed and needs lots of break. And sometimes, you just can’t anymore. Other kids are playing and running at a party, and you just start crying because it’s all too much. And this will continue for you forever.

I know, it’s really hard sometimes.

You feel things very deeply.
There is nothing quite like watching you when you are happy. Your entire face smiles, your eyes sparkle like the sea, and joy seems to shoot out from your fingers and toes—it’s contagious.

Your heart will be wide open to the range of emotions available to you, and your life will be rich and full because of it.

But sometimes, this will be your burden.

You feel hard emotions deeply too. When you are sad you are profoundly sad. It’s not easy for you to “snap” out of it (not that I want you to). Your mood swings are powerful. And the first time you have your heart broken will hurt more than you can possibly imagine.

I know, it’s really hard sometimes.

Other people’s emotions are your own.
You are truly happy when you see others’ joy, and though you are so young, you show a level of compassion that many adults will never have. You love to help people, and really want the world to be a better place.

Others will come to you for comfort, because they feel truly heard and safe in your presence. You will form deep connections and bonds with people, and should you choose to become one, you will be an amazing parent.

But sometimes this will be your burden.

You will never be able to “shrug off” someone else’s pain. Please don’t misunderstand, it’s amazing to want to make others happy—but others’ happiness shouldn’t be your responsibility. Sometimes it’s simply not possible to make someone happy. And if you have children, you will feel their pain in your core.

I know, it’s really hard sometimes.

You are so very curious.
When you love something, you are passionate about it. You could spend four hours building a fairy hut out of sticks, or an entire afternoon “writing” a book. Your (never-ending) questions fascinate me, and your desire to explore the world around you is so inspiring.

I’m not sure if you’re going to be a scientist or an artist (or a fashion designer-rock climber, as you told me over dinner today)—but whatever you are, you are going to move mountains with your curiosity.

But sometimes, this will be your burden.

The world is a not-so-pretty place sometimes, and you will never be able to tread through the mess lightly. You will ask tough questions and hear very tough answers. You will entrench yourself in the challenges of life and the pain of humanity.

I know, it’s really hard sometimes.

Like all things in life, my sweet child, it can’t all be one way. Every up has a down, and everything light can suddenly shift and feel like the weight of the world.

I just want you to know that I will be there with you, through it all.

Through all of the overwhelm.

Through every sad moment.

Through every heartbreak.

Through every disappointment.

I will be there, to wrap your sensitive little self up in my hugs and love. I can’t take the burden away, but I can help you carry it.

Love,
Your sensitive mama

Vitamins and minerals for hsp:

Zink
youtu.be/YWp1FPJSQJs

Top 5 Nutrients For Highly Sensitive People - 1. Magnesium including Epson salt. 2. B Vitamin complex. 3. Valerian. 4. Vitamin C particularly liposomal vit C. 5. Bach Flowers Rescue Remedy.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=hl1VRGk_6ZY

Why You Need Vitamin D To Boost Your Immune System (and other facts)
m.youtube.com/watch?v=bnxNs9S6jSk

Use and appreciate your sensitive gifts;

Do everything you can to use your gifts as hsp:

- empathy,
- deep reflections on the meaning of experiences,
- ability to detect and appreciate nuances that others do not notice
- openness to the beauty of nature, music, art or animals
- great receptivity to loving contact and support in your relationships with others
- moral consideration
- to make informed decisions
- a strong sense of conscience.

Ask yourself: When do the “bright sides” of my sensitivity emerge? Deliberately plan to create more of those types of situations - every day, every week, every year.


Give inner peace high priority:

The key to sensitive traits becoming a gift - and not a burden - for yourself and others is inner peace.

Several researchers have found that when you can calm your 'lively' nervous system, you will have more positive emotions than others, and your potential and benefits will be expressed.

Conversely, you will do worse than others if you often feel uneasy inside. And your sensitivity can develop into a disadvantage.

IMPORTANT POINT: PRIORITIES DAILY, WEEKLY, MONTHLY AND ANNUAL ACTIVITIES THAT GIVE YOU INNER CALM.


Know your reactions to being overwhelmed - and relate constructively to them:

Make a list of the typical reactions you recognize when you become overstimulated and temporarily out of balance. Examples:

- Inner life: worries, self-criticism, diminished focus & leaping thoughts, negative emotions.
- Body: tense muscles, poorer digestion, shallow breathing, dizziness.
- Habits & Rhythms: sleeps worse, eats unhealthily, arrives late.
- Behavior in relation to others: restrained, tearful, impatient, judgmental, over-geared, irritable.

It is different what reactions the individual is particularly sensitive to. Do not judge yourself - or others - negatively based on such situations. It will just create more turmoil in your nervous system.

Instead, focus on how you can handle situations that overwhelm you in a conscious and competent way in the future.


Be prepared and use good strategies:

As a sensitive person, you can not avoid reacting more sensitively to stimulation! But you can train your ability to maintain your inner calm and self-control in overstimulating situations, so you become better at mastering them. Find great strategies to help you:

1. prevent overstimulation,
2. deal with it when the problem still pops up and
3. Find your inner peace and balance afterwards.

Do not automatically think that your sensitivity is a limitation:

Do not think automatically: "I can not do this - I'm too sensitive". Carefully consider whether it makes sense to challenge yourself.

It can e.g. be overwhelming:

- to give a speech or a lecture. But because it makes sense, you learn to do it.
- to travel, go to a concert or a specific leisure activity. But because it gives you positive experiences - and shared joy with others - you still choose to do so.
- to take on more conflicts - even if it overwhelms you, you become stronger and happier when you stand more by yourself.

In a wide range of areas, being sensitive can sometimes be just as good - or better - than less sensitive to coping with different challenges.

Respect your boundaries:

Learn to communicate positively and solution-oriented about your boundaries.

It is a biological condition that one as a highly sensitive person, can get bothered by things that do not "get on the nerves of others" in the same way.

When you do not expect others to automatically understand your sensitivity, you can more easily avoid getting disappointed and hurt.

Instead, experience inner peace by accepting that everyone else does not experience the world the way you do.


Get good at prioritizing:

It is typical that particularly sensitive people need more calm and immersion in everyday life in order to thrive: set aside extra time to concentrate on something that you like, having good time to do "nothing", so that you calm down.

When you say no to more things than most others, it's not to have a "boring life". Good opt-outs will typically be difficult. But they can give you more energy for what really matters to you.

This is especially important for hspś, who also score high on outgoing and / or news-seeking personality traits. With this combination of personality traits, one seeks experiences and stimulation, but still the sensitive side of the personality needs pease and calm in everyday life.


Set aside more time to getting used to new things and enviroments:

Change and new challenges are more demanding for a particularly sensitive nervous system. And you need to spend more time getting used to change than others who are medium or low sensitive.

1. Do not judge how competent you are or how well you thrive in a particular situation, based on the first few times you are in it.

2. Accept that you need to spend more time than others getting used to things.

3. In phases of major change, you may benefit from ‘turning the flare down’ when it comes to the demands you make on yourself. Remember that it is not forever and that you can turn it up again once you get used to the change.

Avoid confusing highly sensitivity with hypersensitivity due to stress or trauma:

If you suffer from stress or have experienced trauma, your nervous system can become so overloaded, that you experience great vulnerability. This vulnerability is not the same as being highly sensitive.

Hypersensitivity is an overloaded condition in the nerveussystem. In many cases, it can be treated, so that you release the vulnerability and start feeling strong again.

Highly sensitivity, on the other hand, is a potential, that can also unfold in a positive way.


Become wiser about your own sensitivity:

There is no one way that suits everyone particularly sensitive: are you e.g. sensitive A-human and cold-sensitive, this applies to an extra high degree. But conversely, you can also be particularly sensitive B-human and heat-sensitive - and to a greater extent than less sensitive would be.

Remember that the particularly sensitive trait mixes with other inherited personality traits. In addition, several studies suggest that as a sensitive person to good and evil, you are more affected by the experiences you have had through childhood and later in life.

All in all, there are VERY big differences between different highly sensitive people.

Spend time gaining experience and finding good answers to the question: what suits me?

How to keep your balance/how to get back into balance:

An hsp expert - the soothing and contenment system:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=eevEccWPJVY

ASMR

Do no harm, take no shit meditation m.youtube.com/watch?v=C6chvht8l4s&feature=youtu.be

Music cure 
scandichealth.com/about/musicure-documentary/

Heart coherence meditation
m.youtube.com/watch?v=sntqgovzk_E

Kristin Neff compassion meditations self-compassion.org/category/exercises/

m.youtube.com/watch?v=-szBnENCdX0
What is heart coherence and why is it important to your health and well-being? In this video HeartMath Institute Research Director, Rollin McCraty, discusses heart coherence and why it's essential in stress management and lasting behavior change.

Selfregulating and co regulation exercises from SE is also helpfull
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/880/self-regulating-regulation-exercises-ect

Sleep
www.healthline.com/health/sleep/sleep-tips-for-the-highly-sensitive-person

Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Extrovert:


youtu.be/rZyrf-0Y2cM

highlysensitiverefuge.com/highly-sensitive-extrovert/

1. You get both overstimulated and lonely.
How many people have sat at home, desperately craving both quiet time and someone to talk to? You!
Being a highly sensitive person who’s also an extrovert means living a life of opposites: the desire for stimulation, and the overwhelm of getting too much of it. Your HSP wiring needs that quiet time, but sometimes, every hour spent alone feels like a lost opportunity… and a lack of the social connection you desperately crave.

2. You notice the little things — and you use them to make people smile.
Every HSP is blessed with the ability to notice tiny details that others miss. This can come in handy in a lot of ways, but your preferred use of this gift is remembering personal details like someone’s favorite treat or color, or introducing them to others who have the same vibe as them. People describe you as both “thoughtful” and “a good gift-giver.”

3. You’ve questioned whether you’re an introvert or extrovert.
Some people just “know.” Others decide they must be an ambivert because they identify with a little of both. For you, it’s always been somewhat of a mystery. You love people and new experiences, but you seem to have a low limit compared to other extroverts — or you need a lot of “me” time.
You’re not crazy! This is completely normal for a highly sensitive extrovert. You get the same feeling of fulfillment from the external world as any extrovert does, but since your brain and nervous system process much more information about it, it can quickly wear you out.

4. You actually love working in a group.
While introverts can be team players, most of them do their best work when they can focus on it alone. You, however, are the opposite — you relish the engagement and collaboration of working in a group (even if you can only do it in short doses).

5. You have a small but super-close group of friends.
Often, having a small circle of friends is taken as the hallmark of an introvert. But for you, it’s not just about preferring “depth” over “breadth.”
You’re extremely sensitive to the emotions and attitudes people bring, and you know that your caring, generous nature can easily be taken advantage of by toxic individuals. The people who are closest to you are the ones who’ve proven again and again that they’re there for you

6. There’s such a thing as “too much” time in your inner world.
As much as you love alone time, you can’t take too much of it. Spending too long in your inner world leaves you feeling tired, restless, or even depressed — and disconnected from the things you care about. There’s a good reason why: Extroverts feel rewarded by the external world, and not getting enough of it will leave you feeling unmotivated and lost.

7. You crave novel experiences.
Many HSPs benefit from routine, but for you, you need regular doses of things that are new and different. Sure, big changes can still be hard for you, but you also enjoy the sense of discovery of a new place, acquaintance, or experience. Going out to the same venue with the same people every week probably won’t do it for you.

8. You enjoy going out on your own.
A lot of people think there’s no point in going to a restaurant or show if you’re on your own. You couldn’t disagree more. For you, even walking around a neighborhood on your own is fun because of the sense of exploration and new surroundings; heading to the movies or a new cafe is just as much fun or more.
In fact, these solo outings can be ideal, because you’re in total control of how much stimulation you deal with and what the plan is. And you actually like talking to strangers — however, it has to be on your own terms, and you’re just as likely to absorb people’s emotions as any other HSP (which can be exhausting).


9. Other people describe you as wise.
Perceptive and intuitive, HSPs often become the go-to therapists and advice-givers of their office, family, or friend group. This is perhaps even more true of highly sensitive extroverts, who connect easily with others. Yes, all that reflection, noticing of subtleties, and feeling things deeply — coupled with your extroverted desire to meet others and try new things — pays off in wisdom beyond your years.

10. You have a “loading bar” when you arrive somewhere new.
Extrovert or not, arriving at a new space can bring a flood of sensations for any HSP. You’re taking in the colors, the sounds, the echoey size of the room, the music — and above all, the feelings that are swirling around that place. Your desire to explore and interact almost seems to have a “loading bar” when you first walk in.

11. You switch suddenly from “outgoing” to “crashed.”When you feel comfortable with a group of people, you may seem like a social butterfly or even the star of the show, moving from person to person and activity to activity. But the whole time, your nervous system is processing far more information than a less sensitive extrovert — even if you don’t know it. In stimulating environments, you hit a point where you go suddenly from “this is fun” to a complete power-down.

You’ve learned to prevent this by not overdoing things, but sometimes you get caught up in the moment. And when you start to crash, you know you need to leave immediately — or find somewhere quiet and safe to relax.

12. You’re the “bright star” of your family or friend group.
You shine brightly because you easily connect with almost anyone. Caring and kind, you read people well, and intuitively grasp others’ moods and mental states — and even the things that go unsaid. You can handle yourself in almost any social situation, and people like being around you, because you’re empathetic, understanding, and open. Unlike some other extroverts, who dominate the conversation or make things all about them, you know when to push forward and when to pull back, because you see what’s going on for others.

13. It’s hard for you to predict which plans will make you happy.
When you look forward to going out, you might find that you’re already too overwhelmed that day. When you look forward to saying in, you may find that you regret passing up an invite. Since your extroversion is constant, but your energy level depends on how overstimulated you currently are, it’s hard for you to say whether you’re up for something a week in the future.

Are You a Highly Sensitive Extrovert?
If you’re a highly sensitive extrovert, you know that it can be both a blessing and a curse. But rest assured that you’re not alone, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. The world needs your kindness, your wisdom, and most of all, your caring spirit.