When Your Partner Isn’t Sure They Want a Future with You
Dec 19, 2019 2:36:49 GMT
mrob, serenity, and 1 more like this
Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2019 2:36:49 GMT
This article resonated with me so strongly. I've put this in the AP section because this relates so strongly to my AP experiences. The key parts that stood out to me:
Despite the progress I've made in 2019 and a wonderful partner who has been an absolute rock, I still have narratives that reflect the abovementioned beliefs. that he's with me because i'm the one he ended up with, not because i'm the one he truly wants. that he loves his ex way more than he loves me, and I'm the choice that is most practical and functional, because I don't make a fuss, I value relationships and still somewhat entertaining/interesting. that perhaps in an ideal world he'll choose her to be with rather than me. I feel loved by him because he's made a choice to love or be loving to me, not necessarily because he's in love with me for being amazing. I'm the rational choice, not the emotional choice.
While I've been able to manage this (i still feel sad when I do think this, but I also am able to observe it more detachedly and recognise it as a narrative), it's interesting that these narratives come on very strongly particularly when I'm tired or when I've just finished some serious massage therapy. I think there's somatic release when the really deep tension that my body has been holding is being worked out physically, and that often releases the narratives as well.
As the year is ending, i'd just like to say that this forum has been an absolutely gem for me, providing me anchor and structure, a source of comfort and advice, and a place where I feel like I could contribute as a person based on my own experiences. I also want to say that some of us on the forum might appear to be healing/healed, but it's an ongoing process and journey where we still deal with our demons; it's not all unicorns and sparkles at the end of it. For those of you who just joined/in the process, rock on! I hope that all of you continue to experience growth and acceptance in the new year, and that the holidays are enjoyable and restful!
- Did one parent prioritize work above everything and never make time for you? Or did you feel valued as long as you followed the rules and were easy-going, but shunned when you were struggling or needed extra attention?
- This treatment teaches you that the people you love aren’t reliable, that you’re ‘too much’ for people to love consistently, or that you aren’t valued as much as their work, their hobbies, or the other people in their lives.
- You feel like you’ve never been chosen as the special one. In this case, you might feel like you’re lucky to get any attention at all, and that you’d better not be too demanding.
Despite the progress I've made in 2019 and a wonderful partner who has been an absolute rock, I still have narratives that reflect the abovementioned beliefs. that he's with me because i'm the one he ended up with, not because i'm the one he truly wants. that he loves his ex way more than he loves me, and I'm the choice that is most practical and functional, because I don't make a fuss, I value relationships and still somewhat entertaining/interesting. that perhaps in an ideal world he'll choose her to be with rather than me. I feel loved by him because he's made a choice to love or be loving to me, not necessarily because he's in love with me for being amazing. I'm the rational choice, not the emotional choice.
While I've been able to manage this (i still feel sad when I do think this, but I also am able to observe it more detachedly and recognise it as a narrative), it's interesting that these narratives come on very strongly particularly when I'm tired or when I've just finished some serious massage therapy. I think there's somatic release when the really deep tension that my body has been holding is being worked out physically, and that often releases the narratives as well.
As the year is ending, i'd just like to say that this forum has been an absolutely gem for me, providing me anchor and structure, a source of comfort and advice, and a place where I feel like I could contribute as a person based on my own experiences. I also want to say that some of us on the forum might appear to be healing/healed, but it's an ongoing process and journey where we still deal with our demons; it's not all unicorns and sparkles at the end of it. For those of you who just joined/in the process, rock on! I hope that all of you continue to experience growth and acceptance in the new year, and that the holidays are enjoyable and restful!
