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Post by tnr9 on Jan 6, 2020 19:24:30 GMT
Hi all...I am back from a nice vacation with some friends but at night, I still missed B terribly. I think part of the issue is that while I have stated that if I could do it again, I would not date B...my reaction to that statement has been mixed at best. Since I can justify all of B’s actions (in my mind) as being a direct result of some perceived flaw in myself...I am still unable to see him as “using” me as my therapist has said he did. It was a lot easier to get over the 2 narcissists who treated me badly and I could see how I was being used...but with B, there were enough good times, enough times where he treated me well....that I have not been able to experience what I guess I need in order to move on. Thus, I feel completely stuck again. I don’t truly understand why this is so difficult given that he has moved on....but that is what I am trying to get to the bottom of in therapy.
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Post by dann98 on Jan 6, 2020 21:24:29 GMT
Hi all...I am back from a nice vacation with some friends but at night, I still missed B terribly. I think part of the issue is that while I have stated that if I could do it again, I would not date B...my reaction to that statement has been mixed at best. Since I can justify all of B’s actions (in my mind) as being a direct result of some perceived flaw in myself...I am still unable to see him as “using” me as my therapist has said he did. It was a lot easier to get over the 2 narcissists who treated me badly and I could see how I was being used...but with B, there were enough good times, enough times where he treated me well....that I have not been able to experience what I guess I need in order to move on. Thus, I feel completely stuck again. I don’t truly understand why this is so difficult given that he has moved on....but that is what I am trying to get to the bottom of in therapy. Hey tnr, you're being too hard on yourself. Having setbacks is part of the healing process. You got distracted with company so give your mind a bit of time to readjust itself with the silence and you'll find your balance again. I think our goal is to finally be able to see our exes in a neutral light. Why they did what they did and the reasoning behind it shouldn't matter anymore. I don't mean to be patronizing, I hope it didn't come off that way. I accepted that some of my behaviors in my past relationship were undesirable. I have also come to understand that her behavior was unacceptable and I will try to no longer expend energy trying to understand why. If it was because of me, so be it, but no matter what, we have learned something useful that hopefully will make our future relationships just a bit better. |
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Post by Helsbells on Jan 6, 2020 23:15:54 GMT
Hi all...I am back from a nice vacation with some friends but at night, I still missed B terribly. I think part of the issue is that while I have stated that if I could do it again, I would not date B...my reaction to that statement has been mixed at best. Since I can justify all of B’s actions (in my mind) as being a direct result of some perceived flaw in myself...I am still unable to see him as “using” me as my therapist has said he did. It was a lot easier to get over the 2 narcissists who treated me badly and I could see how I was being used...but with B, there were enough good times, enough times where he treated me well....that I have not been able to experience what I guess I need in order to move on. Thus, I feel completely stuck again. I don’t truly understand why this is so difficult given that he has moved on....but that is what I am trying to get to the bottom of in therapy. I have always been able to relate to what you share tnr9 and I am doing all I can to tell myself my ex wasnt using me until someone he liked better that showed interest in him came along. Who really knows, I'm just trying to not take myself there as I have enough on my plate right now. Lots of love x |
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