It's too late now

I have always felt that my partner of 4 years has "controlled" the relationship. At the beginning I was too much of a pleaser and felt taken for granted. I felt dismissed and deeply hurt, so on many occasions after a lot of alcohol i would be enraged. All my angries would come out and he would try to get away from me or fight back aggressively. I had an abusive childhood and was bullied by my parents. Sadly because of my anger he finished the relationship. Some how i could never express how his dissmissive attitude hurt me so much, i tried many many times when i was calm.