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Post by fuzzybrother3 on Apr 5, 2020 18:45:44 GMT
How do fearful avoidants show interest in someone? Do they spend time with their crush but hide their feelings or do they avoid them and act cold towards their crush? Wanted to hear from some peoples' experiences.
Edit: Might as well add some info. My best friend knows I have liked her for a year now and although she liked me at one point in the past, she claims she does not have any feelings for me. Lately, though, she has been acting extra weird around me though. She avoids me at times (especially when alone) and acts cold in person but nice over text, stopped initiating calls, walks away and avoids talking to me but listens to conversations with others, and more even though nothing has changed. At the same time, she is always calling and talking to another boy who she said she didn't find attractive to a mutual friend. I cannot tell if she is into him or just nervous of being vulnerable around me and showing interest back (she claims she doesn't want to date anyone in college).
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dida
New Member
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Post by dida on Apr 5, 2020 22:07:45 GMT
How do fearful avoidants show interest in someone? Do they spend time with their crush but hide their feelings or do they avoid them and act cold towards their crush? Wanted to hear from some peoples' experiences. Edit: Might as well add some info. My best friend knows I have liked her for a year now and although she liked me at one point in the past, she claims she does not have any feelings for me. Lately, though, she has been acting extra weird around me though. She avoids me at times (especially when alone) and acts cold in person but nice over text, stopped initiating calls, walks away and avoids talking to me but listens to conversations with others, and more even though nothing has changed. At the same time, she is always calling and talking to another boy who she said she didn't find attractive to a mutual friend. I cannot tell if she is into him or just nervous of being vulnerable around me and showing interest back (she claims she doesn't want to date anyone in college). Hi, I am a FA female. I can only describe my own experiences and to be fair I'm not sure how other FA's might act. If I'm interested in someone I tend to get quite "obsessed" with them at first. I'm fascinated with them and usually want to be physically close to them (like standing next to them / putting my hand on them) and definitely want to get to know everything about them, so I tend to ask a lot of questions. THEN after I got into my relationship (about a month after it started) the closeness and my bf genuine interests in me and love, made me really scared and made me feel like running away and pushing him away. Shortly after, I shut down and wanted to break up, as when that happens I can't feel love, attraction etc. and relationship becomes draining and he seems boring. Eventually (after 2days-2 weeks)the attraction comes back and I reach out for connection and closeness. The circle of push and pull repeats itself. If I'm not interested in someone or once was, but that's no longer the case and they are interested in me, I tend to avoid them as much as possible. There would only be avoidance towards this person on my side as I would want to avoid awkward or uncomfortable conversations. The "circles" of avoiding and looking for closeness would never happen. Which kind of seems like what your friend is doing. But these are my experiences as FA. She might act differently. Hope you'll soon find answers you need. |
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Post by Dualcitizen on Apr 6, 2020 2:09:53 GMT
How do fearful avoidants show interest in someone? Do they spend time with their crush but hide their feelings or do they avoid them and act cold towards their crush? Wanted to hear from some peoples' experiences. Edit: Might as well add some info. My best friend knows I have liked her for a year now and although she liked me at one point in the past, she claims she does not have any feelings for me. Lately, though, she has been acting extra weird around me though. She avoids me at times (especially when alone) and acts cold in person but nice over text, stopped initiating calls, walks away and avoids talking to me but listens to conversations with others, and more even though nothing has changed. At the same time, she is always calling and talking to another boy who she said she didn't find attractive to a mutual friend. I cannot tell if she is into him or just nervous of being vulnerable around me and showing interest back (she claims she doesn't want to date anyone in college). Hi, I am a FA female. I can only describe my own experiences and to be fair I'm not sure how other FA's might act. If I'm interested in someone I tend to get quite "obsessed" with them at first. I'm fascinated with them and usually want to be physically close to them (like standing next to them / putting my hand on them) and definitely want to get to know everything about them, so I tend to ask a lot of questions. THEN after I got into my relationship (about a month after it started) the closeness and my bf genuine interests in me and love, made me really scared and made me feel like running away and pushing him away. Shortly after, I shut down and wanted to break up, as when that happens I can't feel love, attraction etc. and relationship becomes draining and he seems boring. Eventually (after 2days-2 weeks)the attraction comes back and I reach out for connection and closeness. The circle of push and pull repeats itself. If I'm not interested in someone or once was, but that's no longer the case and they are interested in me, I tend to avoid them as much as possible. There would only be avoidance towards this person on my side as I would want to avoid awkward or uncomfortable conversations. The "circles" of avoiding and looking for closeness would never happen. Which kind of seems like what your friend is doing. But these are my experiences as FA. She might act differently. Hope you'll soon find answers you need. Thanks for sharing, very insightful, and certainly rings true with my ex. Quick question, is the avoidance of former flames related to shame/guilt potentially around the dumping of the individuals/or around your actions whilst with them? Do you have biological attraction for them still? |
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dida
New Member
Posts: 16
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Post by dida on Apr 6, 2020 8:41:02 GMT
Hi, I am a FA female. I can only describe my own experiences and to be fair I'm not sure how other FA's might act. If I'm interested in someone I tend to get quite "obsessed" with them at first. I'm fascinated with them and usually want to be physically close to them (like standing next to them / putting my hand on them) and definitely want to get to know everything about them, so I tend to ask a lot of questions. THEN after I got into my relationship (about a month after it started) the closeness and my bf genuine interests in me and love, made me really scared and made me feel like running away and pushing him away. Shortly after, I shut down and wanted to break up, as when that happens I can't feel love, attraction etc. and relationship becomes draining and he seems boring. Eventually (after 2days-2 weeks)the attraction comes back and I reach out for connection and closeness. The circle of push and pull repeats itself. If I'm not interested in someone or once was, but that's no longer the case and they are interested in me, I tend to avoid them as much as possible. There would only be avoidance towards this person on my side as I would want to avoid awkward or uncomfortable conversations. The "circles" of avoiding and looking for closeness would never happen. Which kind of seems like what your friend is doing. But these are my experiences as FA. She might act differently. Hope you'll soon find answers you need. Thanks for sharing, very insightful, and certainly rings true with my ex. Quick question, is the avoidance of former flames related to shame/guilt potentially around the dumping of the individuals/or around your actions whilst with them? Do you have biological attraction for them still? Hello, when seeing an ex-partner it's a mix of feelings like shame, because we failed mostly because of me, quilty for hurting them (as deep down I really care for them), worried that they still want to get close and scared of "consequences" (like: the other person might tell terrible things about me to others... Or worse - they can show them how dead inside and crazy I am. So maybe if they can't see me, they forget to do so).Also I don't know if it's just me or other FA's have the same problem, but a lot of the times "out of sight is out of heart", where I litteraly loose any kind of feeling of attachment (even after just 1-2h away from anyone [friends, family members, partner... And even if I care about them]) when that person is not around me. It is like this with everyone and not just ex-partner, but it sure applies. So when I don't see you I can't feel like I miss you or want to start again (even tho I occasionally miss them especially when I can't distract myself with anything) and I can't feel feelings of shame, guilt, worry and fear. The second I see them it al comes back crushing me like million hammers. Not a nice feeling. Better to avoid this. I still tend to feel biologically attracted to them for a while after spliting (maybe 1 to 3 months). My heart beats a bit faster when I see them. But The fight, flight and freeze response is really strong when encountering them and so I just run away. Again, it's how I experience this (I'm FA with dominant avoidance). Hope it helps 😊 |
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Post by Dualcitizen on Apr 6, 2020 9:03:05 GMT
Thanks for sharing, very insightful, and certainly rings true with my ex. Quick question, is the avoidance of former flames related to shame/guilt potentially around the dumping of the individuals/or around your actions whilst with them? Do you have biological attraction for them still? Hello, when seeing an ex-partner it's a mix of feelings like shame, because we failed mostly because of me, quilty for hurting them (as deep down I really care for them), worried that they still want to get close and scared of "consequences" (like: the other person might tell terrible things about me to others... Or worse - they can show them how dead inside and crazy I am. So maybe if they can't see me, they forget to do so).Also I don't know if it's just me or other FA's have the same problem, but a lot of the times "out of sight is out of heart", where I litteraly loose any kind of feeling of attachment (even after just 1-2h away from anyone [friends, family members, partner... And even if I care about them]) when that person is not around me. It is like this with everyone and not just ex-partner, but it sure applies. So when I don't see you I can't feel like I miss you or want to start again (even tho I occasionally miss them especially when I can't distract myself with anything) and I can't feel feelings of shame, guilt, worry and fear. The second I see them it al comes back crushing me like million hammers. Not a nice feeling. Better to avoid this. I still tend to feel biologically attracted to them for a while after spliting (maybe 1 to 3 months). My heart beats a bit faster when I see them. But The fight, flight and freeze response is really strong when encountering them and so I just run away. Again, it's how I experience this (I'm FA with dominant avoidance). Hope it helps 😊 Totally makes sense, and very helpful for all here i'm sure. You explain it very well, and I appreciate it. |
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