Can I be happier then my mom?

Yes, tnr9, you can. This is pretty typical -- the generations of patterns and cycles are hard to break, and you can't change the people who came before you, but you can stop the cycle with you so it doesn't keep going. My mom has an insecure attachment style and isn't intending to change as she doesn't believe people really can. We've talked about how I have changed so it is possible, and I know it's made her think more about it, but ultimately I can see she's stuck because she hasn't been able to fully accept the scope of the emotional abuse she received most of her life. That means she is stuck in her processing of it, which is what holds back the change if she's not motivated to be invested in the work enough.

You're your own person, as I am, as our parents are. You live in service to yourself, not to provide for all their needs, so it's okay for you to be happier. It's kind of like how we talk about romantic relationships, and not letting another insecure style partner "take the wheel and do all the driving." If that person can't show up stably for themselves, why should they be steering you, too? Parents aren't perfect, and you can actually think of it the same way once you're an adult and capable of taking responsibility for yourself.