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Post by tnr9 on Apr 30, 2020 21:03:58 GMT
Does anyone dwell on things that have been said between you and an attachment figure sometimes months and years ago, and wish you had said it differently or not at all. Do you obsess over how you came across and fear that this one occasion may have changed/ruined the relationship forever? I know this is worst case scenario thinking and also predicting what others are thinking/ feeling without any evidence, but I always beat myself up for my behaviour, usually rescue behaviour that backfires. I know i need to leave it behind and move on but it keep popping in my mind, like an intrusive thought that causes panic thinking I have ruined the relationship and if only I had not have said done things! I try and use skills to rationalise the thoughts/fears but they are still very real to me. I certainly have...not decades later, but depending on the situation and the person...sometimes it has been years later. What has helped me is...discovering my serotonin was off and being put on proper medication and therapy. The idea that I have that much power in a relationship to ruin things by my actions or words alone comes from a very young place where magical thinking played a big role in understanding what was happening. As a child, I took all the responsibility when something went wrong and I have carried that perspective into today...although I am actively working on it. During those moments....i find it useful to be curious about the fear. Why do I think that relationship is so fragile. Why is it all my fault. Why must I remind myself of it...what is the rumination trying to tell me about my younger self and how can I love myself enough to help myself to gain distance from those thoughts and to not give them power over me. Good luck. |
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