Post by iz42 on Jul 9, 2020 5:39:20 GMT
First, I'm really grateful to be able to post here. I've learned so much since I found the site a year ago.
I'm sad and struggling right now, and I'm trying not to spiral. I've decided I can't be friends with my (recovering) alcoholic FA ex. I thought we could do the talking-once-in-a-while distant friend thing but he keeps trying to pull me in and then rejecting me. I'm feeling pretty upset. I know it's probably obvious to everyone here that this was a bad idea in the first place, but I thought I could handle it and keep my distance. It's been 5 years since we first met and he has taken up a lot of my time and energy during that time. He is single now and has started reaching out more during the pandemic. Cutting him off is making me feel really alone.
Last week I tried to express my concerns about being friends because I got the sense that he wanted to start dating again. I didn't think I could maintain the same level of contact if he started seeing someone. I felt that I hadn't really explained myself well in the conversation so I texted afterward and asked if I could tell him more about my needs and boundaries in the friendship. He never responded, and I blocked his number. I feel proud for setting a boundary and taking care of myself but it's still really hard. The rejection hurts. I know this will just keep happening if we stay in touch though because he doesn't seem willing to discuss or work on his attachment stuff.
I'm sad and struggling right now, and I'm trying not to spiral. I've decided I can't be friends with my (recovering) alcoholic FA ex. I thought we could do the talking-once-in-a-while distant friend thing but he keeps trying to pull me in and then rejecting me. I'm feeling pretty upset. I know it's probably obvious to everyone here that this was a bad idea in the first place, but I thought I could handle it and keep my distance. It's been 5 years since we first met and he has taken up a lot of my time and energy during that time. He is single now and has started reaching out more during the pandemic. Cutting him off is making me feel really alone.
Last week I tried to express my concerns about being friends because I got the sense that he wanted to start dating again. I didn't think I could maintain the same level of contact if he started seeing someone. I felt that I hadn't really explained myself well in the conversation so I texted afterward and asked if I could tell him more about my needs and boundaries in the friendship. He never responded, and I blocked his number. I feel proud for setting a boundary and taking care of myself but it's still really hard. The rejection hurts. I know this will just keep happening if we stay in touch though because he doesn't seem willing to discuss or work on his attachment stuff.
