Post by anne12 on Oct 12, 2020 9:30:17 GMT
medium.com/@yaholo/stop-being-nice-start-being-kind-ff6177464131
Being Nice is Easy, not Virtuous
We all want to look good far more than we want to be good. Being nice is almost exclusively an act of trying to look good. The art of being nice is basically a set of external social behaviors that require little-to-no effort, but of which we can pat ourselves on the back for with great self-gratification.
When we tell the waiter the food is “great” even though we hate it, we feel nice. When we tell our friend we love their haircut even though it looks terrible, we think we are being nice. When we say, “oh, wherever” when someone asks us where we want to eat, we think we are being nice. In reality, these things are often just passive-aggressive, conflict-avoiding, and frankly unhealthy behaviors.
Kindness Does Not Expect Payback
The easiest way to know if you are being nice or being kind is if you are expecting something in return. Do you wave, “good morning” to someone walking by and then get mad when they don’t wave back? Do you hold the door open for someone and get upset when they don’t say, “thanks” as they pass? If you get offended when people don’t offer you praise for being “nice” then you can be certain you aren’t being kind.
Being kind to someone means that the only thing on your mind is another person’s well-being when you act. Kindness means that you do something for the benefit of another, without needing a return or payback. Niceness is how we try to climb the social ladder, but kindness is how we lift up others.
Being Nice is Easy, not Virtuous
We all want to look good far more than we want to be good. Being nice is almost exclusively an act of trying to look good. The art of being nice is basically a set of external social behaviors that require little-to-no effort, but of which we can pat ourselves on the back for with great self-gratification.
When we tell the waiter the food is “great” even though we hate it, we feel nice. When we tell our friend we love their haircut even though it looks terrible, we think we are being nice. When we say, “oh, wherever” when someone asks us where we want to eat, we think we are being nice. In reality, these things are often just passive-aggressive, conflict-avoiding, and frankly unhealthy behaviors.
Kindness Does Not Expect Payback
The easiest way to know if you are being nice or being kind is if you are expecting something in return. Do you wave, “good morning” to someone walking by and then get mad when they don’t wave back? Do you hold the door open for someone and get upset when they don’t say, “thanks” as they pass? If you get offended when people don’t offer you praise for being “nice” then you can be certain you aren’t being kind.
Being kind to someone means that the only thing on your mind is another person’s well-being when you act. Kindness means that you do something for the benefit of another, without needing a return or payback. Niceness is how we try to climb the social ladder, but kindness is how we lift up others.