Resentment

The last few weeks have been really eye opening about patterns in me.  This morning I woke up feeling really resentful...resentful that I was still single, resentful that B was married, resentful that I grew up feeling so unloved, misunderstood and unwanted....and while I write this here....there is an equal feel of being judged that comes through as tears....so it becomes a mixture or resentment and sadness.  I wanted to write this out since it was never ok to express these kinds of negative emotions growing up without some level of judgement and the label of “selfish”.  This is what I am trying to grow from....the notion that all negative feelings are bad and to have them means I am selfish.  And with that acknowledgement that it is ok....that having these feelings is ok and as a result, I am ok....changes the dynamic and the hold these feelings used to have and it frees me to chose to honor what the resentment is trying to teach me without cycling further into it.