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Post by learningalongtheway on Nov 7, 2017 17:55:14 GMT
Has anyone else appreciated the vast differences in the kinds of people their AP friends or exes date? At first I thought nothing of it, but then I realized it must something to do with the desire to find someone to relieve their anxiety, regardless if who that person really is. The "quality" the person should have is the time and willingness to constantly relieve the APs anxiety, or the ability for the AP to control or manipulate the significant other into relieving anxiety. i.e., the significant other is a tool to soothe the AP. Has anyone else noticed similar trends/tendencies?
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Post by joanneg on Nov 13, 2017 15:47:28 GMT
Definitely!!!
I would have dated anyone in the past(within reason).. just to make me feel better or "soothe" so to speak.. more so with my last boyfriend than anyone else...
I have come so far and have had a eureka moment!! I am not settling just for anyone again.. they need to prove they are a good person with the qualities and attributes I will look for in a partner in the future ..
But definitely agree with your statement
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Post by stellar1969 on Nov 15, 2017 18:18:30 GMT
Funny, the men I have dates have not at all soothed my anxieties, but heightened them. I have chosen emotionally avoidant men who have reminded me of my father.
My most recent ex is text book DA. Never have I dated anyone so distressing to me, until him. It lasted 18 months and has been done for 7 weeks. My back just went out from all the stress.
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Post by cricket on Dec 2, 2017 14:35:16 GMT
Funny, the men I have dates have not at all soothed my anxieties, but heightened them. I have chosen emotionally avoidant men who have reminded me of my father. My most recent ex is text book DA. Never have I dated anyone so distressing to me, until him. It lasted 18 months and has been done for 7 weeks. My back just went out from all the stress. That's how it's been for me too. It's hard for me to like someone but when I do it's an emotionally unavailable person. I have learned that it is due to me needing to confirm my engrained subconscious belief that I am not worthy of a healthy love so I play out these dynamics, the same type of relationship i had w my father, in my romantic relationships only. I am starting to change my inner dialog about myself and I think I will then attract a different type of guy but i have a long way to go. |
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