Sudden/dramatic breakup

My ex did the exact same to me, with the asking and the sadness and it seeming not to make sense. The only way through it is processing on your end, which you're already discussing on the AP board. On the FA side, some of it is conscious, some isn't, there's usually a lot of dissociation, fear, and defense mechanisms involved. So the way he may "regret" it isn't the same as how you feel or are looking for him to feel. It's very difficult to have any insecure attachment style, FA or AP. It's painful but it manifests in different ways. He may numb out and lead with avoidance first and feel the absence later. But it's most likely this is added to his personal list of ways he doesn't measure up. Which will become life regret, shame, wondering what's wrong with him... he may or may not ever tie it back to how he treated you specifically, as anne12 said. But he'll have existential pain that he doesn't understand which will continue until he processes whatever trauma, pain, and insecurity led him to this point. If that ever happens.

None of that is within your control, and also as Anne said, even if he did have some clarity and come back, that doesn't mean he's interested in trying again or that the relationship wouldn't play out exactly the same way if he was (mine came back and repeated exactly, even though I was recovering from my AP style and acted completely differently, and it was still painful but the dysfunctional cycle completed much faster the second time).

But I've had all these thoughts you're having, will he ever realize what he lost, did it mean anything, will he hurt... it's normal to wonder, and if you stay focused on yourself, you'll eventually realize how he chooses to handle his journey (for lack of a better and less cheesy word) doesn't matter. If he's destined to keep repeating himself and staying stuck, it's his choice. You don't need to be held back with him.

I'm sorry for the excruciating pain of this, but also wanted to encourage you that you're really wise and strong to look for the answers inside of yourself as to your own attachment issues that might have made you vulnerable to this encounter. Often by examining your own patterns, beliefs or blind spots you can find early signs or signals that could have been red flags, had you known to look for them. I have found that there were always red flags and areas where I didn't listen to my deep self, or that I minimized or misunderstood things that would have my keen attention now. Or I settled somehow, because I didn't think I myself was much of a catch so low self esteem was involved even if I wasn't consciously aware of that at the time. Heck, it was confusing and messy when I look back. But- it does get better and you grow a lot by introspecting and seeking support as you are.

Also seeing a therapist weekly for the first time in my life. I'm not sure if it's helping though. I'm on day 28 of NC, he texted last week to ask if I was okay and I responded to say I was okay but no further response from there. I honestly thought I'd feel better after a month but it feels like it's not really getting any better. I feel like we're going through the same thing, feel free to DM me.